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Dumped by silence?


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My story is about getting back with an ex who has in the past dumped me twice over last 3 years, both times for what I thought were spurious reasons, only to reach out to me months later for a reconcilliation. Some of you may remember my story. This time round we've been back together 6 months.

We had a nice christmas together, but since then I haven't seen her. 3 times now she has cancelled plans to meet me for one reason or another, the last being this weekend when she texted to cancel. I tried to call a couple of times and she didn't answer nor return my calls. I've been ok and understanding with her about previous cancellations, but after this I simply replied 'I can take a hint'. She never responded. I don't know if I'm just being neurotic, but if feels very much like I've been dumped again, though this time with silence. My instincts are to do nothing as I have been down this road with her before. Maybe my response was a bit pointed, but I don't think I can be blamed considering our previous history.

I'm sad, but at the same time I tell myself that the only person I can blame is myself for taking her back. I know what she's like and how hot and cold she has always been with me.

Life eh......oh well, onwards and upwards.

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Yes, that kinda stuff sucks. We try,, we're sensitive, it hurts.

 

But- yes, you are aware & like you said.. onwards. Best to just leave all alone now. Dont 'expect' any more from her & dont bother with the mind games either. YOU do not need it.

 

I've come not to expect much from anyone nowadays. Not to have high hopes. I just work on my own now and worry about myself. That's what I have to live with til the end.. me.

 

Good luck

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She really isn't playing fair. I wouldn't contact her anymore and if she comes crawling back at some point in the future, stay strong and don't entertain her. It sucks I know but there is someone out there who will treat you with the respect you deserve. You won't find her whilst you're wasting all your energy and time on this girl. Good luck.

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The problem with reconciling with someone who has dumped you for spurious reasons is that there's no way this person can assure you (or even herself) that it won't ever happen again.

 

How can anyone guard against a repeat performance of a random walkout?

 

You've already taught yourself this twice, so maybe this is the time you'll grasp it?

 

Head high.

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Yes, that kinda stuff sucks. We try,, we're sensitive, it hurts.

 

But- yes, you are aware & like you said.. onwards. Best to just leave all alone now. Dont 'expect' any more from her & dont bother with the mind games either. YOU do not need it.

 

I've come not to expect much from anyone nowadays. Not to have high hopes. I just work on my own now and worry about myself. That's what I have to live with til the end.. me.

 

Good luck

 

I think not expecting much from anyone is a good strategy to not get hurt. But I also think that this is unfair to any future relationship you have, because you're basically making false assumptions about a completely different person. He/She is not your ex, so maybe you should love like you've never been hurt.

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I’ve given this some thought and I’ve decided to wait a couple of weeks and if I don’t hear anything from her I will email (or call if she'll answer) her to tell her it’s over between us. I’m pretty sure it is already, but I don’t like being left in limbo and this will at least allow me draw a line under it and move on. In the past she’d be used to me chasing her if she went cold on me, even if I wasn’t in the wrong. This way I can at least see how much she wants to be with me. If she does she will contact me within the next couple of weeks. If she doesn’t contact me that tells me she’s either playing around with me ,punishing me for something or simply doesn’t want to be with me but doesn’t have the courage to end it herself.

I don’t know if I’m doing the right thing, but I need to do something I think.

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How many opportunities are you going to give her to reject you before you reject her? You give her all your power. You let her ignore and hurt you, yet you want to give her a couple more weeks to ignore you...why? Why aren't you pissed off?

 

She's already playing around with you. She's ignoring you. It doesn't matter why. It's avoidance and immaturity at best.

 

You're right about needing to do something. Now. Not two weeks from now. You're just delaying what needs to be done, IMO.

 

If you give her the two weeks and she calls you the night before the "deadline", would you just act as if nothing happened? What would you tell a friend who was going through this?

 

I'm betting you have self-esteem issues. Someone with a healthy sense of self-worth wouldn't tolerate this kind of behavior from someone with whom they're in a relationship. You deserve better and more than what you're getting. You won't get it until you demand more. You teach people how to treat you. Become a better advocate for yourself. It's really hard for people to respect others who allow themselves to be walked over, to be pushed around, to be treated poorly.

 

You need to take your power back. I hope you do.

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