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Lost for what to do


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So we met on an online game in April. Been friends ever since. She gave me her cell and we continued to talk on the phone. She messages me everyday, calls me regular and seems really interested in me. Lots of flirting and such. The problem is, whenever I try to pin her down to meet me she says she isn't quite ready yet, that she doesn't feel confident enough to meet me yet and that she would like too soon. She only lives in the next town over and I've offered to drive over twice with no luck. I asked her if she has something to hide and if that's why she won't meet, but she says that's not it at all. I finally confronted her and here's how it went.


Her: I do want to meet you, I'm just not ready right now.

Me: What's the problem? When will you be ready?

Her: Soon. It's just that you're all amazing and I'm, well, I'm just me. I want to be a better person before I meet you.

Me: I think you're great. Why wait? We both like each other, it seems like you're just making excuses.

Her: Not at all. I just want to be at my best and I'm not yet but I will be soon.


The reason I'm pushing is that I found her OKC profile and figured if she had a dating profile she would be ready by now. It's active, so it's not like she isn't talking to people if not dating. My question is what do I do now? I would leave it, but she seems so insistent that she isn't trying to blow me off. Do I continue with the constant contact or brush her off the way she is doing with me? I know that I have no right to feel lied to, but she hasn't mentioned her dating profile or anything like that. It's a definite red flag and I feel that cutting off contact may be for the best. Thoughts?

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Have you seen a photo of her or webcam?


I see you've seen her OKC profile, but sometimes they don't have photos or they are very angled/odd and it's hard to tell what people really look like.


I'd ask her very specifically what she means by becoming her "best," that's pretty vague.


When did you two start talking about possibly meeting?

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Hi Pourfour,


I think, as painful as it is - you need to take notice of her actions, not her words. Sometimes people aren't emotionally ready for a relationship, even though they think they should be in one.


Subconciously, her actions are communicating something to you. That she doesn't feel she can move forward. Consciously she feels she should, though.


There seems to be a split between the head and the heart.


Who knows if she is still getting over some-one else, and unable to invest in a new partner - or has trust issues - or severe self-esteem issues that block her from getting into a relationship - or an issue with her weight (or physical appearance) which has knocked her self confidence (I suspect that this is the case, hence her reticence in having a face-to-face meet)


All we know is that -try as she might - she cannot move forward.


It's time to cut contact.


I know it is disappointing and you'd hoped for good things here, but she is simply not in a place to move forward and I suspect you will be waiting a very long time before she is.


If she was ready, she would have met you by now, rather than risk you getting away. Clearly she is far more comfortable with an on-line romance, than one in the world of reality.



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