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I'm 28f married for 6 yrs with 2 kids. I'm so confused and hurt he's a truck driver gone for a month or more at a time. He hardly ever calls when he does he usually ends up putting me down or mad. When he's home he has friends over all the time or always on the phone never time for his family. He's started drinking when he used to not like to be around anyone who was drinking and he has his fronds over in the house with the kids drinking I'm not happy with this at all. The last time he was home he told me we were going grocery shopping and I got ready he went and took a shower put on his best clothes and cologne which is extremely unusual and had his friends leave and flat out refused to go together and wouldn't tell me where he went he didn't come home until 3 am and still didn't tell me anything. I think he was cheating maybe not physically but maybe emotionally or whatever. ( I think he was with his ex gf). He's always telling me I'm boring and tells me we don't do anything together but play video games and watch movies. That's hard to do anything when he comes home and spends all the money on crap or his friends are stuck up his butt all the time. If I try to talk to him about anything I usually get put down or ignored but if I did that to him he would go all to hell on me. He left his Facebook logged in one time and yes I read messages he was telling his friends that are female that he never really loved me he is just growing to love me, and how bad of a wife and mom I am. He told me this week that a ex gf was calling him asking him if he was unhappy married and he told me he said he was happy with me. I'm so confused I don't know what to do anymore I can't talk to him, I'm hoping something changes soon. Any advice?

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First of all, I'm so so sorry to hear you're going through this. I'm sure it's extremely stressful and painful for you.

 

Do you have family or friends you and your kids can go stay with? You need to be w/ some supportive people while you sort out what approach to take with this.

 

You need to decide if you think it's worth trying to save this marriage. You know him, do you think he'd agree to counseling and actually put in the effort required to make it work? I think it's a reasonable suggestion. If he agrees, follow through w/ counseling appointments and take it from there. If he refuses you need to decide if you're wiling to live like this. You can let him know you're not ok w/ how he treats you and your relationship. Unless you're willing to move out or get divorced, he has no reason to take you seriously though. You can try to tell him in a million different ways but it doesn't mean he'll step up and be a good husband.

 

It sounds like such an awful situation for you to be in. I really hope you have somewhere you and your children can go to get a nurturing supportive atmosphere while you get this sorted out. Individual counseling for you may be a good idea, too. Hugs.

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Honey, I'm sorry, he really doesn't want to be married... or perhaps he only wants to stay married to avoid the idea of divorce and having to pay child support and not have his kids around so much.

 

this is a clear cut case where I would suggest divorce because he is so blatantly disrespecting you, cheating, and staying uninvolved in your life. You are far better off without him bringing you down. You can suggest marriage counseling, but he sounds like the type who will have none of it.

 

I suggest you talk to a lawyer and investigate what you could expect in a divorce in terms of financial support from him. If you cannot support yourself and your children on whatever you can earn plus his child support, i suggest that you use this time effectvely and enroll in some kind of school so that you can can a good job to support yourself and your kids. There are many programs offered totally online these days and you could get that education while staying at home with your kids. So even if you can't leave immediately for financial concerns, you can work on getting an education so that you can leave him and have a nice life with your children and find a man who does love you.

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Well, i think you have to have your priorities straight... you need some way to support yourself, so I'd just forgot about him and put him on 'hold' until you finish your degree, and then you can leave. He's gone a lot regardless if he leaves for a month at a time, so just focus on finishing your school and raising your kids, and when the time is right, you can leave. Try to finish school as soon as you can, and in the meantime don't focus on him, focus on your education and your children.

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Tell him you would like an open marriage right now. Hes already cheating, your not willing to leave yet so start dating, start distancing yourself emotionally, stop sleeping with him, finish school and then leave as soon as you can.

 

This marriage is over so look out for yourself and f**k him. Start ignoring him-hes already ignoring you and its not worth stressing about.

 

There are better men out there so start looking now and make no secret of it. Tell him you are not sleeping with a cheat no more and your going looking for a new man. He can go put that in his pipe and smoke it

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Somegirl, my advice is to stop worrying about him and concern yourself only with your own and your children's needs. Leave when you can, but understand he'll be required to pay child support and may be required to pay maintenance if you decide to leave before you get your degree. Get a copy of Uncoupling: Turning Points in Intimate Relationships and read it. It'll explain everything.

 

Live well. Love yourself.

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>>Tell him you would like an open marriage right now. Hes already cheating, your not willing to leave yet so start dating,

 

Actually no, that is a very bad idea... your focus while you are still married should be finishing your Nursing degree and NOT trying to complicate your life with such a suggestion... it might enrage him as well and if he can prove you are 'dating' while you're married, he might use it against you in court for divorce/custody battles.

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