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Newlywed & feeling lost


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I need some advice. My husband and I were just married in July of 2013. We've been together since March of 2011. It seems like since we've gotten married, he's gotten comfortable. I'm not a very needy person, but I don't hear any type of compliment from him or any appreciation of the things I do. Our sex life has all but diminished. When I've tried to "spice things up" or even just have sex with him, he says he's tired or falls asleep on the couch. I know he's not cheating on me, but it's like he's not interested in me either. He's opposed to trying new things in bed - he's very conservative & it's becoming very routine. As far as an emotional relationship, I feel like that's becoming routine as well. It's the same thing everyday. We've only been married a short time and I don't want our marriage to fall apart. Any advice is welcome!

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That sounds very disappointing. Get your own life and interests. Learn about yourself and explore what you might like. Go do things on your own or with others, build a social circle if you don't have one. Don't depend on him, or anyone else for fulfillment. This may come back and improve your relationship as well as enabling you to create happiness for yourself. I hope that helps.

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It sounds like you got married too fast before the honeymoon period wore off and are only properly getting to know each other now. You cant improve things alone. He has to be willing to work with you to make it better and if hes not you need to leave.

 

Maybe try initiating more affection. Like hug him for no reason, cuddle on the couch and kiss him hello and goodbye. See of he starts reciprocating. If this goes well-try being more flirty and fun. Get dressed up-try to be sexy without making it obvious. It may improve things a little.

 

All you can do is try and if hes still disinterested-you may need to just accept its not meant to be and start planning to leave.

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Get your own life and interests. Learn about yourself and explore what you might like. Go do things on your own or with others, build a social circle if you don't have one. Don't depend on him, or anyone else for fulfillment. This may come back and improve your relationship as well as enabling you to create happiness for yourself.

I don't agree with this advice. If she should do some "self exploring," do hobbies on her own and even meet people who hold the same interest without her husband, then she might as well be single. In time, spending more time away from her husband will encourage her to cheat if she finds another "exciting man" within the new social circle who will fill in the empty emotional/sexual gaps that her husband can't.

 

If anything, she should find other activities that will include her husband. Participating in other recreational interests with your spouse is more likely to strengthen your marriage AND intimacy than to participate without them.

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I'm with Snny...not involving your husband isn't going to resolve issues with your husband. It will do the opposite. Is he stressed from work lately? Are you a joint family income? Or do you not work at the moment? Are you still going on dates? Do you have kids?

 

And some responses, talk, talk, talk about how you feel, and why you feel this way - be factual. Have naked days. Shut off your PDs after 9pm, and don't check email. Get rid of the TV in the bedroom. Offer more blow-Js. Exchange foot rubs, massages.

 

Cook together. Share wine.

 

And if you want romance, be romantic!!! Always works.

 

And even if you need to plan sex (which happens to everyone, and is completely normal), pick a weekday, always get er' done!

 

To fix your sex life, you need to fix it with your husband. Picking up tennis won't fix your sex life.

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That sounds very disappointing. Get your own life and interests. Learn about yourself and explore what you might like. Go do things on your own or with others, build a social circle if you don't have one. Don't depend on him, or anyone else for fulfillment. This may come back and improve your relationship as well as enabling you to create happiness for yourself. I hope that helps.

 

I agree. I never hear this kind of complaint from a person who is passionate about many things outside their relationship. Some people focus on relationships while neglecting to develop themselves and it just doesn't work because another person can not be the sole source of fulfillment on ones life.

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What have you done so that he doesn't want to just go to sleep on the couch? Have you initiated anything to spice up thngs and to get them back to the way they were when you first started dating or are you leaving that all up to him to be doing?

 

I've been married for ever (three decades). You BOTH have to work at making things sexy and fun. Make plans with him, dress sexy, and go out and flirt with one another. If he doesn't want to do any of that when he sees you dressed up and ready and excited, then you've married someone you didn't know, you committed too soon and now you're just getting to know the real him. If that's the case, if he is a dud then you need to communicate to him kindly and matter of factly that this is NOT the kind of life you signed up for and would he please work with you on getting you both on track or one or the other of you is going to likely end up getting your attention from someone else.

 

Contrary to popular belief... Even if you are not the type to ever cheat, if you're not happy where you sleep, then you will allow yourself to become vulnerable to someone else and if nothing else, end up like some of the thousands of others that get embroiled in an emotional affair.

 

Don't leave it all up to him. Work on this TOGETHER so that you stay emotionally connected for the duration of "until death do us part."

 

Outside interests are very important in order to have a happy well rounded life but they are no substitute for what you are missing from your lifepartner.

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