My0wnPrison Posted January 12, 2014 Share Posted January 12, 2014 I'm coming up to 30 and quite confused as to what I want from life? I'm single (through choice and have never been happier after a very violent and messy relationship and lots of off and on silly ones, much easier to be in my own little world), got a good set of friends around me, a pretty good job too (I work in Higher Education, which allows me to have all the term periods off to do as I see fit) and I am off to a volunteering excavation in August this year! I'm not sinking in debt but obviously have a loan and credit card like most in this generation, got a degree, go swimming 3x a week, eat well and even lucky to have a hobby whereby I run my own entertainment website. YET! I feel something is missing, like I can do better for myself, I work hard, try and be nice to everyone I meet and life has taught me not to be a doormat but still feel I only exist to go from one day to the next, like there is more in life? How can I be lucky to have all this and feel lost at the same time? Is this normal? What am I missing? Am I ungrateful for wanting more? Link to comment
patterned Posted January 12, 2014 Share Posted January 12, 2014 Sounds like you're doing a lot of wonderful things. I'm not sure if this helps but: Are you letting yourself make mistakes? Are you challenging yourself, stretching, pushing outside of your comfort zone to grow? Sent from my iPhone using link removed Link to comment
My0wnPrison Posted January 12, 2014 Author Share Posted January 12, 2014 Sounds like you're doing a lot of wonderful things. I'm not sure if this helps but: Are you letting yourself make mistakes? Are you challenging yourself, stretching, pushing outside of your comfort zone to grow? Sent from my iPhone using link removed Thanks! yeah as I say I have no misconceptions that I am lucky to have what I have. My job itself can be very challenging and pushes me but rather rewarding at the same time but not sure I can do it forever, or even want too? Link to comment
jsh Posted January 12, 2014 Share Posted January 12, 2014 I just turned 30 recently and successful in my career as well. I'm single by choice and have a great set of friends too. There are times when I feel like I should be doing more or that I haven't accomplished enough at my age, although compared to my friends I have. Not sure if this will be your first volunteer excursion, but if it is, you may feel like you have fulfilled that missing piece in your life. It seems you feel like you can't do more because you achieved what you wanted in life. Helping others achieve a better life might help fulfill that missing piece. For others, having children gives life to their meaning. Its different for everyone, but you'll find what you're missing. Its not something that will come overnight, but I believer everything happens for a reason and what you're missing will appear at the right time. Link to comment
My0wnPrison Posted January 12, 2014 Author Share Posted January 12, 2014 It would seem we are on the same wave length, maybe you are right, go along to Fiji in August and see how I feel after. I just feel ungrateful for having so much but wanting so much more - like I shouldn't be complaining but it still doesn't seem to fill any voids, which confuses me more. Link to comment
jsh Posted January 12, 2014 Share Posted January 12, 2014 Is it a materialistic issue for you? It used to be for me. My dad lost a lot of money in a bad investment and I have been helping out my mom financially for his bad decision to this day. Living in a upper-middle class area, I didn't want people think we had financial trouble, and I always had this competitive side to be best. But after getting a successful career and owning a home before I was 30, I wasn't able to enjoy it due to outside obstacles and I realized those things really don't matter. No matter how much you have, there is always something outside of your control that can ruin it. You shouldn't go looking for trouble or punishment because you feel guilty things are good right now. Enjoy what you have right now and don't feel ungrateful for it. You earned it. And who knows what your Fiji trip might bring Link to comment
dali Posted January 12, 2014 Share Posted January 12, 2014 Ummm you know Fiji is basically a military dictatorship now? Not sure how fun that would be. Link to comment
emma34 Posted January 13, 2014 Share Posted January 13, 2014 I know you are single by choice but.. personally I think love is what life is made of. Link to comment
patterned Posted January 13, 2014 Share Posted January 13, 2014 Emma helps me see it now. Consider that you're limiting yourself to safe controllable things. Link to comment
My0wnPrison Posted January 13, 2014 Author Share Posted January 13, 2014 Emma helps me see it now. Consider that you're limiting yourself to safe controllable things. Thanks all for replying. Could you not argue that me not settling down is enabling me to do all these wonderful things? Most of my friends I see around me with mortgages, partners, children are also confined to just one life whereby I am free as a bird. I can understand the notion to be happy you should find love but I believe you can be happy just the same on your own as you can in a relationship. I don't think my love life comes into why I feel so empty/unfulfilled - it is something else but not sure what.... Link to comment
emma34 Posted January 14, 2014 Share Posted January 14, 2014 I'm going to take a stab and say if you've never truly been in love then...it's worth all the marbles if you ask me. But then again that's just my opinion. Link to comment
peter Posted January 15, 2014 Share Posted January 15, 2014 How can I be lucky to have all this and feel lost at the same time? Is this normal? What am I missing? sex? I have experience when my "mind" tells me I have everything I need but I still feel bad I look at basic human needs and check out if there is everything. If not, that`s usually the reason. Link to comment
katmarie Posted January 16, 2014 Share Posted January 16, 2014 Maybe you have just been doing the same things for too long and you are in a bit of a rut. With the job, you say you are challenged by it, which is good, but where is your career headed in terms of promotions and raises and next steps? What about challenging yourself outside of your career with goals and resolutions? i.e., meet one new person each day, go on one date a week, take a class in something you know nothing about or something you have always wanted to learn, like a cooking class or a pottery class, change your hairstyle and wardrobe a bit, pay down the debt quicker, or save for something big that you can really get onboard and excited about. It sounds like you are just lacking a "purpose." If you can find your purpose (or jumpstart it by trying out different purposes and running through a process of elimination), you will wake up to a life you are genuinely excited about and fulfilled by. Also, another good thing I've found to try... start a gratitude journal. Every night write down three things that happened that day that you were grateful for (try not to keep it generic with "family," "friends," "health," try to keep it specific to that day "thankful for conversation X with Susie which really helped to brighten my day and feel related to this person, thankful for the opportunity to take a walk on my lunch break and that the weather was so beautiful and my work so flexible, etc") Start each new day by writing down three things you are looking forward to (again, keep it specific and about that particular day). Also start each day with a tall glass of water and the right health choices (i.e., work out before work if you have time and eat a healthy breakfast, get enough sleep, wake up with ample time to enjoy the AM instead of having to rush out the door and already feeling behind and reactivated). Link to comment
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