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Hi im a 28 year old male, I have 3 kids with my wife which I love more than anything in the world and they are my best friends However my and my wife hate each other so much but if I leave I know it would crush my children. We split up before about 3 years ago. My eldest son suffered from seperation anxiety. Big time. When I wasnt around my wife wouldnt let me see the kids and used them as a weapon constantly. They moved schools. Alot cause the wife would keep moving house due to not paying bills. My kids became so insecure it broke them.

when we wernt a family for the 2 an a half years I was so miserable and depressed. Half the time I couldnt even see the kids cause of the drama the ex would make in front of them so I mainly spoke to them on the phone. Anyway about 6 months ago we decided to get back together. Now my kids are so happy and secure. They are happy in a nice school and have lots of friends and a secure house. But... after trying to kid ourselfs my wife and I. Cant stand the sight of eachother. I feel like I cant leave tho cause 1. She isnt capable of living without me as she has a horrible family. And no car to even take the kids to school and things.

2. It would completely destroy the kids again! They are so happy and settled now for the first time in there life. They are 6,4 and 2 year old.

If I wasnt here they would have nothing. But im trying to be happy for my children

 

I have thought of everything to help this situation (even suicide) I feel so trapped but im with my kids! I need my kids as much as they need me. They are the only thing in this world I care about. Please give me some advice. Thank you

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Counseling, marriage counseling, ANY counseling would be the first step. On your own, or, preferably both of you. If that doesn't work then you head for a lawyer and take it from there. Document everything from now on, about how she treats the children.

 

I'm with mhowe on the "why on earth did you have a 3rd child when you think your wife is a psycho who doesn't have the childrens interest at heart?

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For one... the wife needs to smarten up & grow up! You dont use kids that way.. of course they dont need that!

 

Maybe what you could do is look into some therapy for you and them. They may benefit from it. Because in the end it's also for your own mentality if you cannot live around her. It is ruining you?

Then think of ways you can help them.

Relationships end all of the time.. and my own two boys attended therapy for a while after my BU, due to the neglect and attitude of their alcoholic father.. he was something!

 

But yes, things did end between us. It was inevidable. If anything look mainly at supporting the children. Not like how she has been with them. She needs to understand this. Heck I wonder if be any chance you could take them?

Nah- she'd probably make a mocary of that too!

 

Anyways, look into the idea of some therapy so they can be assisted in this sad mess. Because they can benefit from the help with damages done (some security) with how little minds work. and also to look at helping them understand although daddy isn't actually living there, he will be seeing them regularly. You always have that right, unless unfilt, but you are- then get a lawyer to back you up with those rights..

 

tc and good luck

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I left my husband after years of being unhappy with him. We have two children and it was really rough on all of us. We have shared custody, but I miss my kids desperately when they're not with me. It's been a couple of years now and if I had it to do over... I was happier unhappy with him and my kids than I am in the current situation. If that makes sense. I think you know what I mean, based on your post.

 

Learn to tolerate one another, even if you can't fix the marriage. Communicate and give each other space, and keep it civil in front of the kids. And more than anything, treasure every second with them. Give them so much love that they don't notice there's none between you and their mom. And please don't commit suicide. Children internalize that sort of thing. The last thing you want is your children spending the rest of their childhood trying to figure out what they did or didn't do that caused you to kill yourself.

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