bison67 Posted January 11, 2014 Share Posted January 11, 2014 So basically my gf of 2 years broke up with me a month ago me being 22 and her being 21 and us both in the same college (i moved to the same school to stay with her). The breakup was initially a huge shock to me cause i thought we were better then ever in the moment. My gf was very close with my entire family and spent lots of time at our house and worked in the family business during the summer with me. When my gf broke up with me she was very heartbroken by her decision and struggled with the choice to leave me. After a few days of me being an emotional wreck my dad called her to see how she was doing and just to talk to her about it all. She spent an hour on the phone with my dad crying and saying how much she loved me and didnt want to leave me, how she just wants me to be happy, that i was always unhappy and not content with my life at that current stage, that she tried so hard to make me happy, that i was angry all the time, that she felt more like my mom sometimes instead of lover, and that she truly loved me and my family so much in her life. My dad told me everything that she told him and told me that i had to make some big life changes for myself to be happy with myself and happy in a relationship, and that he thinks that if i make some big changes she will come back in time. I took this moment in my life as a huge turning point to make myself a happier better person and to be a better more giving man in society. My gf complained about my drinking and the behavior it led to my father as well as me many times, and i admit it was a problem that ultimatley ended my relationship. Her leaving me was the big kick in the teeth i needed to understand that it was time for me to become a "man" instead of being stuck in between being a boy and a man. In the past month i have quit drinking, started running a ton and have gotten into the Boston Marathon which is a huge goal for myself to accomplish, started to go to counselling for anger and my discontent in life, decided to volunteer as a big brother at big brother big sisters, and write and read so much on self help and how to be a better person. I know that in the end her deciding to leave me was the kick i needed to be a better person and i will ultimatley thank her. While this all sounds awesome and like im making huge strides in my life (which i am) i still miss her terribly and love her so much and think of her all day everyday. She was my bestfriend and we had a very close relationship built on personal attention and being there for each other through everything. We emailed a bit after i sent her flowers on xmas and she said she missed me but doesnt want a relationship again and just wants to be friends for now but that may take time... We have a mutual friend that i work with who is an amazing lady and is a life coach on the side, i went to her for help on how to deal with my emotions in the break up and how to get my gf back in my life. I found out that my ex also went to the same lady for help cause she was struggling alot with the break up as well, drinking and partying alot, crying everyday, missing me, laying in bed for days, etc. That life coach lady helped her alot and talked to her and even brought up the prospect of us getting back togehter one day and my ex didnt say yes or no to the idea but just said she needs to be single now and discover herself and focus on school. I know she isnt looking for another guy or anything besides a drunk makeout or hook up or something but it still scares me when she is single and i love and care for her so much. Everyone keeps telling me that its gonna workout and with time well be back togehter, my dad, that life coach, all my friends, and some of her friends. For some reason im the only one who isnt so convinced and it scares me everyday that she may be gone forever and ill never get her back... I know she misses me but i still think the worst for some reason. I know she told people she still sees a future with me but really just needs to give it time and see change in me and that im not the same unhappy high matinence bf i was to her before. Im working so hard to better myself and i have made huge steps forward in my life and im very proud of myself for decideing to make these changes and i feel more grown up and focused then ever. Im not changing for her im doing it for myself, but her leaving me is the motivation and getting her back is a plus (see the difference). I was thinking of giving it another month or so till around valentines day or her birthday (jan 27th) and seeing if she wanted to go for a run with me or something as "friends" and maybe she would see all the changed i have made naturally in a no pressure situation. Were both very athletic people and love working out together. Good idea? We havent talked at all in 2 weeks now in any way. Well if anyone has any input or advice please let me know! Link to comment
mhowe Posted January 11, 2014 Share Posted January 11, 2014 Don't worry about the future. It will unfold as it should. And I would think that Valentines day is a no no. You are not a couple and it is only a month away...much too soon. As is her birthday. The changes you are making are awesome. Get a couple of months of the new you under your belt before you try to contact her. Link to comment
erklat Posted January 11, 2014 Share Posted January 11, 2014 I had a similar issues with my father and my previous relationship ended in November 2012. She's in a better place now and has a new dude which apparently loves her. Long story short - him calling her at this point is manipulative beyond imagination. All members of your family should excersise radio silence with her. No calls, pokes, likes, morse coding etc. Listen to mhowe. Her wisdom is immeasurable. All until you stop scheming how to get her back you are in no shape to do so! Trust me. I'm too hurting as hell, but let go now. Sent from my HTC One Link to comment
bison67 Posted January 12, 2014 Author Share Posted January 12, 2014 Well she was planning on calling my father anyways, she told him that. She doesnt have much of a family to support her and relies on mine alot. Well anyways last night i found out she was hanging out with my friends and roomates at the bar, she told them all she is moving on just fine... I dont know if its some decoy to appear strong or if she really means it. She wants to stay in contact and everything with all my friends! She also wants to work with my families company next summer, that will mean me and her with each other almost everyday. Im not sure what she wants! I think maybe she is saying she is ok cause its been first week back at school and its a non-stop party, once the settles and excitement drops she may realize being alone and single sucks... I dunno im just hoping for the best. Link to comment
mhowe Posted January 12, 2014 Share Posted January 12, 2014 I think you need to accept she is moving on. Summer is a long way off...and it is not her. choice to work for your family company...it is your dads. Link to comment
bison67 Posted January 12, 2014 Author Share Posted January 12, 2014 i know its a long way off but even my dad thinks its funny she wants to work for us and not be with me. Some of my friends think this is a test to see if i can really change for her, she tells people she sees me in her future and maybe im clinging onto that thought a little bit to much. I just will do anything to have it work and what we had was amazing and real and she knows that, im so mad at myself for driving her away. I hurt myself so badly.... Link to comment
mhowe Posted January 12, 2014 Share Posted January 12, 2014 It was a wake up call. You woke up. Change because you need to change...not for the hope of getting her back. Link to comment
bison67 Posted January 12, 2014 Author Share Posted January 12, 2014 I know and i am changing for myself and im very proud of the steps i have taken forward to transition from boy to man. Im feeling very good about myself and really appreciate things in my life that i didnt before. Everything in my life is going great except for one huge part and that is losing the love of my life and best friend.... so i feel like im at 50% happiness and thats all i can manage right now... All the changes i have made to be a better person are ones she said she wanted to see, i just want her to notice them and maybe give me one more chance, im not asking for it this week or next week or even next month. I just want the chance to prove it to her and show her im all the man she needs, she was head over heals for me not to long ago.... Link to comment
mhowe Posted January 12, 2014 Share Posted January 12, 2014 The love of your life....actually, you mean your first love. Your life as a man has just started. And the changes needed to happen. If it doesn't bring her back it will attract other quality women. Link to comment
bison67 Posted January 12, 2014 Author Share Posted January 12, 2014 I agree the changes needed to happen and they certainly have, and i know were both young but we both feel pretty quickly and told each other we were the one, we had love lots of people were jealous of and was very real, we talked of the future with each other all the time and life goals to help each other with. She was a huge part of my furture that i very much looked forward to. I am 100% accountable for driving her away, it was really all my fault, i became a burden for her and she spent so much time helping me figure out my emotions, im a man i was supposed to be her rock to lean on and help her through things, i failed at that. Its eating at me every day... Link to comment
mhowe Posted January 12, 2014 Share Posted January 12, 2014 Let it go....you cannot change the past. Only the future. Link to comment
bison67 Posted January 12, 2014 Author Share Posted January 12, 2014 I know i have to move on with any shot of getting her back or me moving on and finding someone else, its just really hard her cause i switched schools and moved to a town that i know nobody at just so i could keep our relationship going... then after 3 months of me here this happens, i just feels super lost and confused in my life right now. This is why i started training for a marathon, something to work towards and feel good about that not many people can do! She is a runner to so she is impressed by it. but im doing it for me. Just upset and angry that im stuck in this town now and reminded of her all the time, she still hangouts, texts, twitter, facebooks, snappchats, etc both my roomates all day like they are good friends, she met them through me! its like she still wants to be in my life in so many ways but doesnt wanna be with me, i think time is all i can give it. Link to comment
mhowe Posted January 12, 2014 Share Posted January 12, 2014 Time on yourself...not trying to get back together. Show her you are changing...don't tell her. Link to comment
bison67 Posted January 12, 2014 Author Share Posted January 12, 2014 thank you so much. I know that i gotta show it, and time shows a true person's colours. My therapist, running, giving back to the community, and quitting drinking will all show in time. Im very proud of the steps i have taken, never thought i could have a mental shift quite like this in my life. In ways i am thankful for the kick she gave me, it is shaping me into a better person. Link to comment
mhowe Posted January 12, 2014 Share Posted January 12, 2014 Good for you....keep it up! Link to comment
bison67 Posted January 12, 2014 Author Share Posted January 12, 2014 Just gotta keep moving forward and feel better about myself and she will see, and i will be happier. Link to comment
mhowe Posted January 12, 2014 Share Posted January 12, 2014 Now you've got the right mindset! Link to comment
bison67 Posted January 13, 2014 Author Share Posted January 13, 2014 thank you so much, your words helped me shift my mindset in the right direction and my co worker hooked my up with a date with her very attractive niece! going on a date with her next weekend! im single might as well see what other fish are in the sea! Link to comment
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