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Torn to Pieces


rmntcverses

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I've been with my fiance for almost 2.5 years. We got engaged about a year ago but we have pushed back the wedding because of my changes in schooling. I won't use his actual name, so I'll call him Alan. Alan is my best friend. I love him. I know he loves me. We have fun together. We are compatible. We have the same goals in life. We have a lot of intimacy and passion. But I think he might be gay.

 

A few months ago Alan was having trouble with school and life in general, I decided to look at some of his accounts to make sure he was keeping up with everything despite his depression. He found out about my snooping and got upset. A few weeks ago I was snooping on Alan's iPad and found a set of messages to a guy and he was flirting with him! I asked Alan about it and he said he was just planting stuff to test me to see if I was snooping. He also said he was just bored and having fun. I believed him.

 

Today I snooped again because I was suspicious. I guess deep down I didn't believe he had messaged that guy just for fun. I found two more sets of messages. He was talking to two guys about meeting up and he even sent one of them a...private picture. He's at work right now so I haven't had a chance to really talk to him but I texted him telling him I found the messages. He said he was just having fun and said he's not gay, that he's never actually met up with these guys. Later we talked in person and he told me he didn't feel physically attractive enough and he thought it would be less like cheating if it was a male. He said he loved me and he was sorry for being an idiot, that he would go to counseling and I could look through all of his stuff whenever...

 

Part of me believes him and the other part of me knows I'm an idiot. Am I totally foolish for thinking we can work this out? I'm scared if we stay together that ten years down the road he will decide to come out of the closet. I am torn to pieces. If you think I'm an idiot please be kind about it..

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I don't think you're an idiot at all. Love blinds. I'm really sorry you're going through this.

 

His excuses don't really sound plausible. Guys tend not to joke around with that sort of stuff for straight fun. Maybe talk to him again, and tell him you really wish you could believe him but you just don't. And that if he is gay, you'll support him, but you don't want to end up with him leaving you for another man in a few years time.

 

As a woman, it's way better to have a gay best friend than a gay husband. If he continues to deny it, don't marry him if you can't get past feeling he's gay. There will always be lingering doubt and trust issues.

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