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What I'd say to you.


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(Apologies for the tone of this in advance)

 

Why are you the one acting hurt? All your friends telling me you're upset, when you're the one who dumped me and was down right rude to me afterwards. Whilst I was crying my eyes out you asked a girl out, twice. The girl who'd always had feelings for you, the girl who I find out you had been talking to about your problems. No, you wouldn't tell me, you say it's because you were protecting me, but instead you'd tell her things about us, bad things, and I wouldn't have a clue. She's a family friend too? Nice.

 

You just looked at me when I told you I knew. Said nothing. Just stared. I wanted to scream to you, 'don't look at me like that. This is your fault. Not mine'. You didn't treat me right, but I never argued, I didn't want to give you ammunition for an argument.

 

Yeah, you could be sweet. Kisses and hugs and cuddling. When we were out of the house was when you acted up.

 

You'd make me feel so guilty, when you had a go saying I ruined the 'surprise' for our anniversary because I kept asking. 2 weeks later you admitted there was nothing planned and you said it to shut me up. How is that fair?!

 

Everything for turned around on me, it was always me admitting I was wrong, always me apologising. You wouldn't let me leave a shop you were on, saying guys were looking at me. You said it was because you were protective of me, so I apologised. Again.

 

You did use me, even though you'd say you weren't like that. I said you weren't like that, I tried to convince myself you weren't. I was lying to myself as well as you lying to me.

 

I was never your priority. I was a commodity. There to fill a gap, when I was there, you'd be great, but otherwise I wouldn't exist.

 

What would you have done before me? And that's not me being big headed, that's what people have told me. Your friends, are my friends, you had no one before. Head boy? I helped write your application. An A in science? I helped you with that assessment. You practically copied me.

 

I fell out with MY friends, because of your problems. Things you couldn't help. They didn't like it. I stood by you. I get my problems, my anxiety, and you decide to leave. Like I am disposable. Do you even know how much it hurt leaving my friends? And don't you dare say 'you didn't have to', because you cried, and I couldn't leave you because at the time it didn't seem fair. I loved you.

 

No one knows what you're like. The teachers love you, and you have all your 'mates'. Not all of them love you like you think, trust me. And you can act all sad, but it was your doing. You asked that girl out. You decided to trust her more than me. You decided to treat me like you did. I did nothing. That was the problem, I loved you that much I didn't care what you did. That was my insecurity.

 

What part of us was a lie? In the morning you loved me, the afternoon you didn't. Okay. I hope you and her are happy if she takes you. I don't like her very much but she does have morals. She knows it wasn't right, but can't control how she feels for you.

 

It depends, I'd say that one day you'll come back, wanting to talk to me, gaining back my trust, saying sorry. But you probably won't. Your ego means too much to you. You can't admit you're wrong. And if she does get with you (good luck to her), then you'll make the same mistakes again because you didn't listen to me. As soon as we'd ended it, you told me to leave you alone. You can't deal with it. You said the last thing you'd say to me was that you loved me, and the next day you didn't love me. Great.

 

I'd love you to read this, but you have cut all contact with me. Blocked on Facebook, not been given your new number, changed all your extra-curricular activities away from me without telling me. I really appreciate it.

 

So if you do come back, ever, then all this will be waiting for you. You still have power over me when we aren't together. I despise what you've done to me and I despise how I love you. Sorry I was a total waste of your time.

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There are so many awful things I would tell my ex, the meanest thing I ever told her was that she didn't make me happy and wasn't right for me, and that she isn't capable of showing affection. I'm searching for my indifference period, but I don't think I'll find it until I find someone who treats me the way I want. Because I wanted her to change, searching sucks.

 

You will find your peace eventually when you find the right person. I'm where you are, I could explode in their face and say hurtful nasty things but I won't, and I'm glad you are posting here and letting it fly to us and not him.

 

Disparaging someone never works, just gives them more fuel to hate you. Instead let them stew in the fact that they don't realize their faults, that the next person will end up feeling the same as you, and he will never learn his lesson until someone tears his heart out like yours was.

 

A human heart is only changed when it gives everything and receives nothing in return.

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