Jump to content

One Year after getting back together, he contacted his ex...


anonymous511

Recommended Posts

So, if you have read my previous posts you know that me and my boyfriend have been together for almost years. Two years ago we broke up and he started dating a younger girl (she was 20, I was 24 and he was 27). He moved in with her in her moms house and I was devastated, since we have a daughter and i loved him. Anyway, they dated for 8 months...she did all the things i didnt, she bought him clothes, liquor, gave him money, and they were living in her moms house so she didnt bother him about working, paying bills, growing up. Me on the other hand always tried to push him to be better and I guess he got tired of the pressure. Anyway, a year ago today (his bday) he contacted me and professed his love, said the girl was a rebound, he wanted his family, said he would immediatley break up with her and move out of her house if i promised to give him another chance. So i did, and the girl begged and pleaded but he cut off all communication with her.

 

That was a year ago and we have been doing so great for the last year until recently when he lost his job. Weve been fighting alot, hes been on the couch a few days a week and even moved his stuff out and into his sisters about a week ago. After that big fight, we made up and hes been staying with me again and we even went to go look at apartments yesterday. I thought everything was fine until I checked his phone last night ( i know) and saw his ex's number in his call log. i flipped...his excuse was that his sister called from her phone, but whats funny is that when i called the phone from his number she answered with familiarity in her voice and used terms of endearment until she realized that it wasnt him, it was me. She told me that they were cool, but that I was sad for still trying to pull the family car and that if he didnt want to be with me then I should let it go. She then proceeded to send me screen shot of text messages between them where hes saying hell always love her and that he wanted to "get some" and asking her about a date she went on with jealousy in his tone. At one point she started talking about how he dissapointed her and couldnt be the man she needed and he never responded, until later that night asking her if he could, as I said before "get some". The conversation looks like he was initiating and she was hesitant (probably because he dropped her without an explanation and got back with me). I am so hurt and dont know what to do. I feel like its deja vu all over again. Do you think he really wants to be with her? Will always love her? According to him she was a rebound ( they got together a month after we broke up from 9 yrs, at that time) ...i dont understand why im going through this again..ughhg

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You are going through this again because the relationship really ended the first time when he demonstrated he was not committed to you by leaving and getting into a rebound. He may be back because he missed you, felt familiar, cares, etc ... but he's not committed. And this is what you have to look forward to -- him cheating -- if you stay.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Damn, tough spot to be in. I have been there.

 

But first you have to remember that although he has been chatting with her. He is with you. And all that stuff she showed you was on purpose, she is trying

to get you to break up with him, because he clearly won't (yet). If you do breakup with him then he will most likely go to her.

 

I know it is painfull to know that he might love her a little. But that also tells you that he loves you a great deal more.

 

Nonetheless, this is not really fair on you. I would suggest telling him 'how would you feel if I talked to a guy behind your back'. Let him know that it's hurtfull.

 

If you love him, try and be patient and try and works things out. Before doing the dumping, because that can always be done later --> and is not really what anyone wants.

 

Wish you the best!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Great Advice... As of now i have 60 missed calls, he has written me a letter and sent numerous texts. i have not replied at all. He keeps saying that he is sorry and he was mad at me and made a mistake. i realize that if u break up with him that there is a high chance he will go back to her but i do not wish to be with him soley because I dont want him with her. itll be his loss in the end. i dont think ill be ready to talk to him a few months...even then, i dont want to be with someone who can tell someone else they love them as well. Its over

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Anonymous, you've made a good, logical decision. I hope you are able to stick to it and not yield to his demands for attention. The fact of the matter is, most women wouldn't ever feel emotionally safe and secure with a man who behaved as he did. He has shown you who he is. Believe him.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Anonymous, you've made a good, logical decision. ... most women wouldn't ever feel emotionally safe and secure with a man who behaved as he did. He has shown you who he is. Believe him.

 

I agree with this. I don't agree that "although he's chatting with her, he's with you." That's basically saying you are at the highest point in the harem. Good for you for not playing that game.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You should never have let him come back. You spent almost a year without him and would have moved on by now and likely with someone better.. theres an old saying "fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me"

 

I am sorry if that is harsh but he proved to you ages ago hes not the man you thought he was. He threw it all away for some fling. He didn't deserve forgiveness then and certainly doesn't now.

 

You are a young woman. Stop wasting your life on this loser. He broke your heart and is still keeping her around as a backup plan. If she said yes he would have cheated on you again with her

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...