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I broke up with my girlfriend and I want to know if i did the right thing!


anonimus

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Hello everybody!

 

I have a story that I want to share with you and I would like an honest opinion!

 

I was in a relationship with this awesome girl for 11 months. We are both 22 years old. It was long distance for periods of time since i was studying in a different city than she was (about 3 hours away) but we we're seeing each other every 2 weeks for 3-4 days and we constantly kept comunication using skype or cellphone (when we had the time of course). We had an amazing time together, never got bored of each other, we had a ton of things in common and rarely had any disagreements and most things. We played video games, we watched movies and tv series, basically we did almost everything together! Of course like every relationship we had our fights and stuff but nothing too serious. We never cheated on each other, not even flirt. We talked about our past relationships, why they ended, how do we want our relationship to be and all these kind of things.

 

And now here comes the sad period. About a month ago we broke up. She broke up with me because she felt suffocated by me and she was unsure about the whole long distance relationship thing. I figured on my own another reason (me being a lazy piece of **** who did not invest in me anymore career wise and just sat down and did nothing). After the break up I immediately stared to change things about myself and used the No Contact method to get her back. I invested in myself, started being proactive again, etc. In the meanwhile she was stalking me and checking out every thing i did in this period. After 2 weeks on Christmas we met up after she called me during the night crying and got back together! AWESOMENESS!!! I felt so good and so happy and she appeared to feel the same way.

 

Of course, learning from past mistakes, i took a step back and kept some feelings to myself so that i would not suffocate her anymore, kept to my personal development and got a job, stared to read more and study more. Everything went ok and we stayed together until 3 days ago when i was out with 2 of my mates after i took her home (she had a curfew). She called me when she was about to go to sleep and when we talked I was babbling and agitated because it was freezing outside and i wanted to get somewhere warm fast. She though I was lying to her about who i was with at that moment. I swear i did not lie! But she did not tell me this then, she told me when i got back home and send her a text to let her know this. We got into a fight on this subject and she stated to give me the silent treatment the next day. She wouldn't return my calls or texts. To not bug her i only called her twice and send 1 text saying that i am here for her and ready to talk whenever she is. The next day comes and no contact from her so later that afternoon i called her. She responded and i told her i wanted to meet up and talk about how she is feeling!.

 

So we met up and talked. She told me that she did not know how she felt about me. That we are great as friends but not as lovers. I asked her how can her feelings chance from one day to another considering the fact that she tells me just before we had the fight that she wants to invest more in the relationship and make me more surprises and that i am the best boyfriend that she will ever have etc. etc.

So while we are talking she is denying saying these words, telling me that she does not know how she feels about me, that her feelings are not the same anymore and that she could tell that my feelings are different as well. She also wasn't pleased that i was spending more time with my friend and she was the one who suggested i would do this when we broke up in the first place!!! So i tell her that it's better for us to break up! Her mood changes immediately. I don't think that she wanted to break up that night but i could feel that she would soon. Basically i told her that the silent treatment is a childish method to use in a relationship, that she was immature, that she doesn't deserve me and that she took advantage of me. comparing me to her exes i can honestly say that i was golden (exes: one who tried to punch her, one very very jealous guy and one who did not give her any attention). I am a very calm person and i rarely lose my temper but this was it. I did not insult her or call her names of course because i am better than that.

At the end she walks away with tears in her eyes and i swear that when i saw her it broke my heart into small pieces. I just can't accept this kind of treatment, she never trusted me(we had more arguments on trust in the past) and she would not tell me what was bothering her. Also she had a huge ego!

 

What do you guys think? Have I done the right thing by breaking up with her or am I an idiot! I love her but i can't go like this! I am the dumper but I feel like the dumpee.

 

Thank you very much and sorry for the long post!

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Hey there. Sorry for the heart break. You do not seem compatible, you need to be with someone who you can talk to freely about how you feel, not with someone who you are too afraid to share your feelings with because she might break up with you. It is GREAT that you have started to improve your life and please don't stop because things may not work out with her. It is so important to study and work and to be motivated! Not only for future relationships, but for yourself as well.

 

You also need to be with someone who trusts you. Have you ever given her reason to not trust you? Yes, she could have issues from past relationships that she is reflecting on you, and even though no one should do that, it is difficult not to. However, she should not be accusing you of sleeping around because you are extra chatty on the phone one day, that is a bit dramatic!

 

Also... suffocating her. Long distance. If she can't give you 6-8 days per month without feeling suffocated, she doesn't need to be seeing anyone right now.

 

Let her go.

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I once didn't keep my promise to her! My best friend is in a relationship with her best friend! 4 moths ago, they we're arguing big time si she tells me that she wants to talk to my best friend about it and makes me promise her that i will not tell him. I know my best friend of having a short temper so i did not want him to go on a tantrum because other people get involved in his arguments with his girlfriend so i tell him in advance because i know how to talk to him. So she makes a bluff and i fall in the trap and admit i told him in advance. She gets upset but i have told her that i was sorry multiple times by now. I have NEVER cheated on her or lied to her for other reasons! I swear to God! And she told me from the start that she doesn't ever give her boyfriends trust so i'm maybe not the first in this situation.

 

I was always able to talk freely about how i feel but this time i wanted to give her as much as she is giving me because i didn't want to suffocate her again, but she saw this as me having different feelings. I explained this to her!

 

Also i felt that if i didn't end it she would soon do it!

 

Thank you for the reply!

 

Do you think that she will realize the way she treated me and feel sorry for this? Will she call me. I will not contact her because i can't accept this kind of behavior!

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Do you think that she will realize the way she treated me and feel sorry for this? Will she call me. I will not contact her because i can't accept this kind of behavior!

 

I think she enjoys drama, and you don't. Do you want someone in your life who is going to set you up in conflicting situations, confront your friend who she knows has a short temper, and then use it against you forever because you warned a friend that your girl friend was about to rain down a storm on him? I wouldn't.

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I think you did the right thing. This would have turned into an on/off dysfunctional mess with lots of drama and stress if you let her have it her way. Your right she is immature and not ready for an adult relationship. Move on, cut all contact with her and stick to your decision. Don't allow her to cry and BS her way back

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I have NEVER 'promised' anyone anything. Cant stand the word....

 

I feel she is not over her past.. her ex, which is why it's been brought into her relationship with you. Yes, this is a red flag.

She has some work to do- on herself.

 

Sorry it had to affect you this way, this stuff isn't always so easy & hurts both in the end.

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Thank you so much for the replies! You guys have been really helpful!!! I just realized some more negative stuff about her, stuff including trust issues in people in general and i'm not willing to deal with this kind of crazy! C'est la vie!

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