Jump to content

A fresh wound, a not-so-clean break yet... Cheating


Recommended Posts

Not sure that I'm looking for advice, I think I just really need to vent. If you have some input, it's welcome. If you want to share your own story or vent, PLEASE feel free.

 

Here's the short story of my history with this guy... We dates in high school, always had a rocky relationship. We dated a while after high school, then broke up (not on great terms), and we spend two years apart while I went to college and he joined the military.

 

Even as I type this I know what my answers are, but there are some huge parts of me that just refuse to see the truth.

 

He's never treated me great, I'll be honest. But the good times made up for it, and there has always been something pulling us together. We are magnetic, passionate. I feel so comfortable with him, and I've never felt anything like it. All my emotions are on steroids; the good and the bad. I'm more excited, more jealous, more contented, and more angry when I'm with him than any other time I've ever experienced. So it's easy to forget about the bad things when we do get together.

 

He moved closer to me after being overseas for a long time. We started seeing one another and things evolved into a relationship. I was happy, but always worried that things would break down, even though I tried not to be. I've always found it difficult to trust him. We had our issues (from the very beginning, really) with him contacting other girls in what I thought was an inappropriate way for someone who was in a relationship. Recently he decided he's "all in", and we've been doing pretty well.

 

Until.....

 

I found out he contacted a girl who posted on craigslist looking for sex. How f'iing sleezy is that?! I'm disgusted just thinking about it. I confronted him and he denied it at first, then finally admitted to emailing her. It was before he decided he was "all in", but definitely after we decided to be in a relationship. He also has accounts on dating/casual sex sites that he claims to have not been using recently. He also claims to have not been with anyone physically but me since he moved. But imagine if he HAD seen that craigslist girl? I could have gotten a permanent disease from him!

 

Obviously, this guy is a jerk. No way around it. He's a sleezeball. I definitely never knew about that side of him; I just thought he was inconsiderate and hurtful sometimes. I didn't think he was a cheater.

 

My mind knows the obvious truth. I should NOT be with this guy. But I'm not good at letting people in; I'm very social and have friends and even meet guys sometimes, but I don't get close to people. In fact I haven't had a serious relationship other than this guy.... Ever, really. And I don't even make close friends really; they are all kept at arm's length away. Not sure why, and I do try to change that. But it's hard to imagine being with someone else and being close to them the way I am with him.

 

And my heart refuses to see what my mind sees so clearly. It's begging for this to not be true, because I really thought it was going to work out this time. I really thought that we could be happy. And I know we could be happy together; but it's become a question of my self-respect, and I can't allow myself to be walked on anymore.

 

This all happened last night, so I'm still processing everything. I called him in a rage and knew I shouldn't react to my feelings and make any decisions, so I told him I'd get a hold of him in a few days. Today we didn't talk at all, which was hard. But I'm determined to give us both time to process things.

 

I know that when I do contact him, I need to end things once and for all. Or maybe just not contact him at all. If it weren't for that part of me that is wishing and hoping that he will magically become the person I want him to be, the person I deserve.

 

UGH! Sorry for the novel....

Link to comment
Share on other sites

He just sent me a message saying I'm the love of his life and that he wishes he hadn't done what he did.

 

He's a man of few words so usually that would mean something.

 

So I can't sleep, am tempted to reply to him, and have no idea what to do.

 

I want to believe that he is a good person. But how can I ever trust him again?

 

I can't... so I should just cut my losses and run the other direction, fast.

 

.....Right?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I read your post and I cant help but cry. I would do anything to get a text from my ex-gf saying she realized she's made a big mistake, and that I am the love of her life. I would do anything!

 

As for you, this guy has not treated you with respect and you should think about whether YOU still want to be with HIM after all that has happened.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You know this, but just to reflect back to you your own thoughts, he's never treated you great and you never felt you had a hard time trusting him before you found out these things. I understand the magnetic passion, but there's no substitute for respect, and trust.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

OP I feel you do not understand what a healthy relationship is supposed to be like. You make excuses for all his bad behavior by talking about some imaginary magnetic attraction. Hes a player. You have low self esteem and a low sense of self worth. Your addicted to him and how badly he treats you. Its like you enjoy the stress, pain, drama, jealousy, insecurity and keep hoping he will change. He wont

 

look up co-dependency.

 

You need to learn that you don't NEED him. If you cut contact with him, you will get over him, you will heal, you will meet someone better. We mourn every loss and then we move on.

 

you also need to learn that words are cheap and actions speak louder. He has always been a cheat. There has been issues with other girls from the start so stop letting him BS you and manipulate you. He doesn't respect you, he has no empathy for your feelings and thinks he can do what he likes and then fill you up on sweet words and crap.

 

End this for good and never be someones doormat again. Get a few sessions of counselling to figure out why you think you are worth so little

 

good luck to you

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Ill just add you are supposed to learn from every experience. Learn from your mistakes. That is all he is-a mistake! There are better men out there. Stop settling for the first thing that comes along. Remember there are plenty of frogs out there and you gotta sift through the garbage to find a good one

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thanks everyone for your input.

 

Especially shelty24. I know that all of what you are saying is true, I've known that I don't know how to have a healthy relationship for a long time. Your reply really struck me on a lot of different levels, and made me take a good hard look at myself. Thank you for your honesty; I needed that.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...