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Scared I'll Never Find Another Spark..


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Edit: I meant to post this in the "Finding Love and Soulmate" section. I'm not sure how to move it. If someone can tell me how I would appreciate it, as I am mostly healed and don't want to take up unnecessary space in the "healing" area.

 

I'm four months out of a pretty blindsiding and painful breakup. To sum up, after two and a half years, my girlfriend left me for another guy after she started college. A few months later she married him. She turned very cold a few days after she broke up with me and lied to me about everything.

 

Anyway, it took a lot of tears and pain to get anywhere near close to over her. Only recently have I started to feel much much better, and I am excited now about all the new possibilities in my life.

 

But, this girl was my first love, first everything. We rarely fought, always got along, similiar values and taste, she even knew things about me I had never told anyone else (for instance, she is the only person in the world who knows I'm bisexual.She accepted it. Embraced it, even. I'm very sensitive about that side of myself).

 

Everything was great right up until she got in her sorority and started classes. She has changed a lot. Can't even recognize her.

 

So, I'm really scared I won't find that connection again. That wonderful magic I had with the old her. I truly thought she was my soulmate but I know that's ignorant now.

 

I'm single now, 22 years old and in college, and I find myself overwhelmed. I was never much for dating. In fact, my relationship started because she made the first move. Most of these girls here don't interest me, and the girl I have a major crush on already has a bf so I stay away. I'm just terrified that maybe I won't find another girl that really blows me away, and if I did I wouldn't even be able to go after her.

 

Mostly I am just venting.

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It's not an unreasonable fear to have, I know I had those thoughts not too long ago. The important thing is to realize they're unfounded, because you were able to find love before. Just don't compare any future prospects to your ex and make sure not to lose your own life for a life centered on another.

 

It'll happen. Just don't look for it. That's the only way anything is ever found

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I've had 5 relationships so far. Two Long-Term. In those five, I was NOT looking for a partner. I did not initiate contact. I did not make the first move. Just to put it out, I'm not a very attractive guy. It will happen again with you.

 

Just don't expect it. Things like that happen when you least expect them to.

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I've had 5 relationships so far. Two Long-Term. In those five, I was NOT looking for a partner. I did not initiate contact. I did not make the first move. Just to put it out, I'm not a very attractive guy. It will happen again with you.

 

Just don't expect it. Things like that happen when you least expect them to.

 

That's a real eye opener. I thought stuff like that was just Hollywood nonsense haha

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That's a real eye opener. I thought stuff like that was just Hollywood nonsense haha

 

Just be yourself and don't chase it too much... Everytime I looked for it, no one came along. The moment I gave up, bam, there she was.

 

Be happy single. Be happy by yourself. Take care of the garden, and the butterflies will come.

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I worry about this too! I was apart from my ex for two years before he came back into my life (like the jerk he is) and I just found out that he cheated on me. For those two years we were apart, I didn't even come close to starting another relationship. I have trouble getting close to people, and I guess the process of getting over him probably kept me from finding someone as well. Now that I look forward to a life without him, I can't help but worry that I won't find someone else. At least not someone with whom I have the same kind of connection.

 

But I have to have hope, just like you should. Just because you (or I) haven't found someone yet, doesn't mean that we won't. In truth, we probably aren't ready for it yet. That's the funny thing about how the universe works; you can beg it to bring someone into your life, but until you are truly ready, sometimes it doesn't give you what you think you want. And thank goodness for that! Because when you do find someone, you will be ready to let that person in completely, and can have a wonderful relationship without memories or thoughts of your ex holding you back. Not that you will ever completely stop thinking about her or even missing her; but those thoughts will be different. You will be okay with them being there.

 

You just need to have faith, and don't give up. Focus on yourself, and doing what makes you happy. After all, the best thing we can do for our future mate and relationship is to be happy with ourselves.

 

Stay strong!

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