Jump to content

Recommended Posts

So, it's been almost a month since the break up. Although, it hasn't been that long. So many things have happened on my end. I have reconnected with Exes from the past who have been supportive and been the ears of my break up. Most importantly, have reconnected with my ex fiancée of 7 years (been in NC for over 2 years). I have left him do to long distance. He will be relocating to my area in March. We are not back together yet. but, he have expressed that once he is up here physically, he would like to give us another "go", that he never stopped loving me. For now, we are taking one day at a time.

 

So, today. I have gathered all of my current Ex's belonging (mostly his clothes that I wore back from his place), boxed it up to mail it this weekend and I have wrote a letter to go with it.

 

Dear, J.

 

Phew, so where do I begin. I remember the first day I met you. Your smile and that glowing face (you standing in front of the light from the lamp played the part lol). We, well I, came into the relationship with some obstacle and with your understanding and the warmth of your care, you have helped me overcome the obstacle. Over the 2 years, you have given me so much love and attention, at times, I thought I must have done something right in my life to have such love from someone. I have no regrets, not even a second, even the break up. I would do it all over again if I were to go back the day when I first met you.

 

I am sorry to have cause the hurt. I am sure it must have been hard for you. Having to say things that would hurt the one once you loved and cared so much. Knowing the love and attention you have shown and given me during our relationship were real. That is enough for me. Don't feel sad, don't feel hurt. More, do not feel guilty. It takes two to be in a relationship and takes two to break it. I have contributed fair share to cause the break up.

 

Keep your chin up! we are not a failure. We took a chance at us and for that, I am grateful. When there is a beginning, there is an end. I am sorry our end isn't us together. Would have been a nice picture us being happy together. But, the reality is,this is far as we can go with our relationship. I hope you find the true love that you seek and with greatest love and happiness. I wish you nothing but happiness.

 

Thank you for being you and thank you for giving me the experience to be with you.

 

-M-

 

PS: I am adding this because I do not want you to hear this from random people or from some social media comments from friends etc. My respect to you, it should be heard straight from me. Yes, I am getting back together with "K" (Ex knows about the ex fiancée). Please know that, this decision has nothing to do with our break up. "k" made me realized what "strong" love really is and should be. I almost lost him.. I don't ever want to lose him again.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Please do not send this. It not only throws salt in the wound, and it somehow looks like you are trying to justify in your mind that you are okay, not a bad person. The worst part is explaining that you never want to lose "K" again and solidifies that this ex as just a rebound or a place holder (if you were NC with "K" for two years and your relationship with Ex was two years long - just saying.) Let your ex go on his way without feeling like your relationship was just a time passer.

 

You are telling him that your love was real, but K was the one who made you realize what strong is, basically telling your ex that the first statement was a big lie. Do not compare men in this!

 

I hate receiving letters of "we were not a failure" and talk about the nice pretty picture of being together because if the letter writer really believed it, we would have been together. This letter will gut him. Don't send it. You are asking him to approve of your beautiful new happiness which is just wrong

 

I would just return the things. The only note should be is if there are items yet to be disbursed (here is a check for my share of the last electirc bill. or "I am still waiting for the security deposit back, so will send you your share as soon as I receive it).

 

And he has no reason to hear from you that you are back with your ex-fiancee. You are not. Your ex-fiancee is moving so you guys can start dating to see if there is a future or not. Its a maybe. I do caution you to give yourself time to heal.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You are telling him that your love was real, but K was the one who made you realize what strong is, basically telling your ex that the first statement was a big lie. Do not compare men in this!

 

And he has no reason to hear from you that you are back with your ex-fiancee. You are not. Your ex-fiancee is moving so you guys can start dating to see if there is a future or not. Its a maybe. I do caution you to give yourself time to heal.

 

I agree. Mentioning all of that stuff about your ex-fiancee "making you realize what strong love should be" is super passive aggressive and mean. I would refrain from sending the note at all.

 

You seem to be doing well, but don't try to get closure with him in this way. The result may not be what you want. Get closure within yourself.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I also think you shouldn't send it ....

 

It is like this love story that turns into madness at the end

 

"ps , I am getting back with ex who I have realised is the love of my life even though we have only split for a month"

 

It just doesn't seem right .

 

can you just send him his stuff with as little drama as possible .

Link to comment
Share on other sites

After reading it. I think I should remove the PS part. I have asked friends not to make any comments. Most of friends know about my ex fiancée and they now tells me that how sad they were when I left him. Then, they just respected my decision by not saying anything but they knew my ex fiancée was the one for me. but also understood how hard I tried to make the distance work. After 7 years, I just couldn't do it anymore. It may sound like I am rushing into this and that I am not healed from the recent break up. By far is the truth. I can't explain it. I was committed to the recent relationship. I loved him the way I possibly could. When things were done. Surprisingly, I experienced no heartache. Again, I can't explain it. Of course, I took an impact from the break up. After all we were together for 2 years.

 

Now, my ex fiancée, I didn't leave him because I fell out of love. It was the distance. 7 years, only able to see each other once a year, twice, if we are lucky. When we reconnected, spending whole week together. It just felt right. It felt like I took a time machine and went back in time. Everything was how I left it. Living room, kitchen, bed rooms... everything. Just felt right. I say, we are taking a day at a time because I don't want to keep my hope up too high. Not until he is physically out here. He is def. us being together. He is coming up in few weeks to go house hunting. He has asked me to find the house of my like and it's location.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I only at first thought of putting that "PS" thinking EX doesn't have to feel the guilt (we had this convos once that how horrible guilt feeling he had leaving his LTR years ago). But, realize how insensitive and short thinking it was. I will leave the "PS" part. I love the forum and thank people like you guys to give advises. THANK you all!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Ok fine...you feel you are supposed to be with your ex fiancee. BUT don't make the ex feel like he is a discarded old sock. He had genuine feelings for you. I bet you that if your ex fiancee hadn't swooped in and told you that he wanted to try again, that you would be here sobbing about your breakup. Or you would feel a little melancholy at least. The new relationship with the ex fiance has distracted you rather than you just having no feelings about your breakup. I am not saying going back to the fiancee isn't right = but really, give yourself time to feel and heal. Honestly, if distance was the ONLY problem with your ex fiancee, one of you would have moved heaven and earth to change it. I suspect you may find the issues with the relationship anew.

 

I do wish you happiness, but give grieving time. Its in there somewhere. Or if not, at the very least, don't discard the relationship with your ex that it was just a placeholder.

 

And no - don't send the letter at all. Not just eliminating the "PS part". You sound very self righteous telling your ex about "what you had" (that it was real!) Just leave him be.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I only at first thought of putting that "PS" thinking EX doesn't have to feel the guilt (we had this convos once that how horrible guilt feeling he had leaving his LTR years ago). But, realize how insensitive and short thinking it was. I will leave the "PS" part. I love the forum and thank people like you guys to give advises. THANK you all!

 

This letter is about YOU not feeling guilt. If you tell your ex that the relationship "really was real", etc, you don't have to feel guilty about your actions or current situation. If you don't love your ex, fine, but at least have some human compassion and don't unload on him. Getting his posessions back is closure enough.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Ok. I will sleep on it and will consider all advises that has been given. As far as the guilt. I do not feel the guilt. I wasn't the one to end the relationship. I wasn't the one with leaving with "Feeling isn't the same". I was only thinking for him not to feel bad or think of the words he said during our break up conversation. My thinking was short.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Ok. I will sleep on it and will consider all advises that has been given. As far as the guilt. I do not feel the guilt. I wasn't the one to end the relationship. I wasn't the one with leaving with "Feeling isn't the same". I was only thinking for him not to feel bad or think of the words he said during our break up conversation. My thinking was short.

 

The letter comes off like you are trying to control how he feels or to attempt to and quite frankly comes accross like you were the dumper. And it WILL make him feel bad to receive a letter that is patronizing that your "relationship was real, " etc. If he felt bad about the words he said during the breakup, he would have reached out to you and apologized to you or he would have just kept him to himself. Do not do anything in hopes that it "won't make him feel bad" because you can't control how he feels and this letter WILL make it worse.

 

When my ex left me he sent me a letter that ripped open the wound all over again. Just sayin' It just makes you look like a jerk.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

TBH I have read your threads about your last ex and I think most of the dilemma you have with your current ex status is self-created. You say you understand that your ex does not want you back and you understand that there is an unspoken agreement about him paying your car for 3yrs to compensate the $ you loan him however.... you keep posting about him. Now you are saying you want to send him an apology letter because your ex-fiance is back in the picture (even tho nothing is official) .... I mean, obviously you harbor resentment against your ex and yes, you did so much for him and prob still do, but stop being passive-aggressive in order to control his feelings. He doesnt care and for you to send that letter sugar-coating your questioning of the authenticity of his love for you is just immature, rash and petty. If anything, he will probably think the letter is validation why he couldn't see long-term with you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Chr8st8na, I could see and understand how you would come to your observation. I have gone through the stages of breaking up. Earlier posts shows my emotional ups and down moments. I am not heartless. I just happen to process things faster. Always been. I give 100% to any relationship I am in. Once it's done for what ever reason. Doesn't matter who did the break up. I move on quick. I have learned over the years and from personal experience that when it comes to feelings, you have no control. Either you have it or don't. Because I know this, I do not harbor around with what "if's". I did have the false hope soon after the break up but all that just became less confident and that false hope was hopeless as the days went on. If it's self-created and this has helped me moved on faster, I will take it. When I wrote the letter. It wasn't meant to be an apology letter. It was meant to be as is, a Thank you letter. That I do not hold any resentment/grudges. I believe by adding the "ps" section had taken the whole wrong turn and side tracked on my actual thought of the letter. When it's causing this much of drama, it is a bad idea to send the letter. I'll just mail his things and that will be it. I do appreciate every advises and comments. Thank you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

To OP, I do not think you need write this long letter, be simple to the points, thanks the time you have spend together , and wish him the best, that is all you need, more you put in, it looks bad on you, it seems you have unspeak intention. you need be really honest to your TURE feeling,

 

Good luck!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...