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Why is my ex being a creepy stalker guy?


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This is rather confusing, but he broke it off with me in November after going on holiday with another girl. He promised nothing happened between them, he said he didn't want to be in a relationship any more but that we could possibly give it another go in the future. We texted a few times in 2 weeks after, and he told me the exact reasons we broke up, these included: he wanted a more mature relationship, i had depression, we spent too much time together, i tried to please everyone but wasn't pleasing anyone and i didn't tell him about something. He then went on to say he didn't love me enough to make it work, but wants to be friends so we can try again in the future.

 

I stopped all contact after that, i needed my own space. I didn't text him over christmas or new years eve, and he started posting stuff on Instagram about me and him being so much happier without me. I posted something that has nothing to do with him and he started posting and deleting comments such as "lol hahah this is funny" over and over again.

 

I then found out he was visiting my blog and going through every single page, looking at everything. He suddenly stopped. Today I found out he has been logging onto my Facebook account and deleting my friends that it is awkward to re-add. He has been through all of my texts and he has been logging onto my account constantly. I changed the password the day we broke up, and have since then. I changed it again today, but he seems to be able to log on. He has done it with my blog as well.

 

He started following me after university today too, i freaked out and turned around and walked home.

 

Can someone please please help me with all of this? Im confused, freaked out, and I really don't want to speak to him at the moment, but I want to be able to use my Facebook and tumblr without him checking up on me.

 

I think he has lost control over me and wants that control back or that he misses me, or that he is a real psychopath...

 

What is he is doing? Why is he doing it?

Any advice would be grateful

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Yes report him, and have someone pick you up or walk with you when you are coming/going home from school. Change your passwords on all of your accounts. Can you stay at someone else's place (family/friend) for a bit until this stuff dies down? Just so that he doesn't know where you (physically) are. Also can you turn of the GPS on your phone temporarily, you can be found via the GPS on your phone. I know it sounds paranoid to do these things, but he is being really creepy, and you don't know if this could take a dangerous turn. Better to be safe than sorry, speaking as someone who has been in your shoes.

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Yes, he's a control freak who's not right in the head and he expected you to grovel and plead with him, not break up and cut him out of your life. He lost control and now he's trying to get that back however he can. Also he sounds paranoid given his excessive reaction to you posting something online not about him although he was already basically stalking you.

 

First, he probably put a keylogger software on to your computer and/or phone. This software lets someone see your passwords, so right away if you haven't done so before go through your computer and/or phone and look for any software that seems out of place and might show tracking abilities--i.e. kidlogger, spyagent, something like that. Remove any programs you find then also download malwarebytes free antivirus/antispyware software and run that to see if anything comes up. If you don't know how to do that get a tech-savvy friend to help you or take it to Best Buy's Geek Squad or someone professionally who can help you check and get anything off there.

 

Or if that's all too much go to a trusted friend and change your passwords from their computer--i.e. someone who he wouldn't have had access to. Then report him to both twitter and facebook. However you will still have to find the software he's got on your computer since he'll still get the passwords whenever you punch them in. Not to mention any financial data and other personal information. If you find evidence of any of this take screenshots and/or get a signed letter from whoever helps you that they found it on your computer--it's evidence of his stalking.

 

After that gather up any other evidence that shows he's stalking, leaving weird messages to you etc. and go to the police to file stalking charges. Get them involved, it may well be enough to get him to back off if he realizes you're going to law enforcement.

 

Third tell your friends, family and workplace that the guy is stalking you. That way they can also keep an eye out for you and refuse to give him any information if he tries to question them about you or pretend something to them that's not true--i.e. deleting friends off your Facebook account. Get them all also keeping an eye out for you. Most people like this are cowards and bullies and if he sees you are taking more control and not frightened and getting others involved it will likely back him off. Do not however contact him at all for any reason ever. Not to yell at him, not to try to placate him, not for any reason. Or he'll know and decide that whatever made you react to him is what he now needs to do to get that little bit of control over you. Yes, that sounds insane, but in his universe it is about control and no matter how stupid it may seem to you or you yelling at him not being about him having control to him it is. Otherwise he wouldn't be doing the things he's already doing.

 

Stay safe, but yes definitely check your computer since the fact that he's able to get your passwords means only one of two things: you are either using passwords and/or variations that you use all the time and he's able to guess them or he has put tracking software on them. Good luck and I hope this all turns out okay for you.

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First, he probably put a keylogger software on to your computer and/or phone. This software lets someone see your passwords, so right away if you haven't done so before go through your computer and/or phone and look for any software that seems out of place and might show tracking abilities--i.e. kidlogger, spyagent, something like that. Remove any programs you find then also download malwarebytes free antivirus/antispyware software and run that to see if anything comes up. If you don't know how to do that get a tech-savvy friend to help you or take it to Best Buy's Geek Squad or someone professionally who can help you check and get anything off there.

 

Yes, unless you have supplied him with your account login info, then he has likely installed some garbage on your devices--this stuff can hard to find and clean out. I have had this happen to me before. Get you comp/phone cleaned by someone you trust. I had my hard drive wiped and everything reinstalled anew, and I threw out my phone and bought a new one. I'm not even kidding.

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It sounds like he's got a key logger installed on your computer if he's able to crack your passwords like that. He can find out every keystroke you make with your computer because it tells him what you are writing.

 

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That is against the law (in the US. I"m pretty sure it's the same in the UK). It's called "Interception of a communique in transit" and it's under federal wiretapping statutes.

 

Take your computer in to get your hard drive wiped. It may be hidden and you don't know where it is. You'll need someone who can get into the guts of your system to ferret it out.

 

HE does not have permission to access your accounts. IN order to access your accounts, you have to log in and access the site's server--and for that, he does not have your permission to do so.

 

Facebook in particular is explicit in telling its members that part of their TOS is to not give out their passwords to anyone else.

 

If you chose to, you could really make his life a living hell.

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Weird!.... I don't even know why he'd do all of this if he is the one who broke up with you. It makes no sense, however men are weird and sometimes they change their mind and decide to stalk you. But he is crossing the line. Its one thing to comment on ur facebook, its a whole other thing when he deleting your friends and basically following you around... Why doesn't he just call. If I were you I'd call him and call him out of his crap.

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The horrible thing is, I still really really care about him, and really do still truly love him. If he hated me, why would he be obsessing over me? Im just so confused and if I'm honest, I really want our relationship back...

 

That is horrible, are you aware of how you've been treated? How would you feel if someone you cared about was treated this way?

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The horrible thing is, I still really really care about him, and really do still truly love him. If he hated me, why would he be obsessing over me? Im just so confused and if I'm honest, I really want our relationship back... Why? So you can have more of the same when you break up again?

 

Obsession isn't about hate (or love), it's about control. If he can't have you, no one can. He may have broken up with you to "punish" you for something you did that he didn't like, there's no way of knowing. The only thing you can do is take extra caution for your safety, get your computer looked at (because if he can still access your accounts after you change your password, he's keystroke logging) and start making a record of everything he does. This is not love. I know you're disappointed that the relationship didn't work out how you wanted, but he is now showing you exactly who he is, and you should be glad you're not with him any more. Hopefully, he'll give up soon, but if he doesn't, stalking is a crime for good reason. If you feel physically threatened, if he starts taking money from your online bank, you need records to report it to the police.

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Ok, so i realize that you are mourning what you had, but you have to understand that a normal sane dude would NOT do what this guy is doing right now. This controlling behavior was likely lurking under the surface the entire time you were together you just didn't see it, or he hid it really well. A beak-up *initiated by him* should not drive him over the deep-end into stalker town if he was a normal dude to begin with. When you get your comp/phone checked, if he has installed software on it, try to find out WHEN it was installed. I'm suggesting this because it is possible that he could have installed it at ANY time during your RS. This happened to me, I found out that he had installed this crap for about 3 months before I found it. 3 whole months he was spying on all my online activity and all my phone activity. I had NO idea, nor did I have any idea that he had it in him to do any of this to me, someone he claimed to love.

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What speaks out to me is the fact that he has a keylogger on your computer. There are basically two ways of doing this.

Either something automatically installed when you clicked a link (say in your email).

 

But more probable is that he installed it on your computer when he had acces to it, that is before the breakup. Which means he could have been spying on you before the breakup too. Do you know if he has? Maybe this fact can help somehow.

 

And yes, it seems to me that he is indeed in a lot of 'pain' if he's obsessing over you like that. You are on his mind a lot. Weird how people then still continue to not follow their feelings, such a waste.

 

ps, just read happybear made that point clear in the previous post - sorry-

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He found out that I knew about it all. He denied everything and suggested it was best if we didn't remain Facebook friends for the meantime, as I apparently need to get over him. He said he wasn't a stalker and I had made it all up. He then said that he did love me when we were in the relationship but hasn't even thought about me for a couple weeks. Which is a complete lie - he was on my Facebook all the time. He said he really really cared about me and hopes I finally find happiness in my life, and when I do to contact him. I think he wants the old me back, not this miserable ... He said he wanted to remain good friends after I get over my feelings for him, as we had a good friendship before the relationship. He wants to meet up to do the final giving of each others things.

 

I then logged onto my account and saw he had logged himself on and deleted all the evidence I had against him.

 

I honestly do still think he cared, and now he has found out, he doesn't want anything to do with me on any social media.

 

I checked my computer and there is no software or anything he could have used. He just knew the password and knew me pretty well to guess it after I changed it...

 

Im just so damn confused. He never gave me a proper reason for un-friending me, he just didn't want that to be on social media with me anymore - and to me that screams "I still have feelings for you" and if he has feelings then why hide them? I can't hold mine in, I loved and do still love him. I will never get over that. He was my first true and proper love, I have never felt anyway about anyone like this ever. I don't really care that he stalked my Facebook if I'm honest. It showed he cared (even if it was a little too much), but now I have nothing. He still wants to be friends with my mum, sister and step dad. He just doesn't want to be mine until this all blows over... Kind of sad

 

I want to be friends with him, but I can't without these feelings still here. I want him in my life, but I can't.

 

We could have worked things out, but now we can't. It just sucks....

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No. NO NO. You do not want to be friends with him. You dodged a bullet here girl, he was logging into your accounts, and followed you after school and then when you called him out on it he made it all about you being crazy and making things up, when you know that he is lying. Don't ever talk to him again, you deserve better.

 

I would still suggest getting your comp checked out. Just because he says he didn't plant anything on it doesn't mean that is true. He already lied before about accessing your accounts.

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I think he expected to be able to dangle you like a puppet on a string while he went off and got his jollies somewhere else. It didn't work, so now he is the one left in the lurch instead of the other way around.

 

Block him, and if he approaches you, I'd say a restraining order might be in order. Stalking is not anything other than scary.

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