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What to do


DavieG

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Hi,

 

So, where to begin. To cut a long story slightly shorter, I'm married with an 8 month old daughter. We've been together for around 7 years. About 3 years ago I was diagnosed with a form of brain tumour. It won't kill me at all but I did grow up with a very low testosterone level. Since the diagnosis I've been on medication that has sorted all my hormones out fine, the problem is I'm now not the person I once was.

 

The thing is I don't think I love my wife any more. She feels more like a good friend then a lover. I love my daughter and don't want her to grow up without a farther figure at home but I'm not sure how much longer I can be withy wife. I don't fancy her any more and sex is out of the question.

 

I want to do what is right for everyone but aren't sure what that is. My wife loves me very much and has stuck by me through thick and thin with the tumour. The problem is I just don't want to lie to her.

 

What do I do? I know if I leave her it'll hit her really hard. I want to be a part of my daughters life as much as possible.

 

The other kind of problem is the way I feel now. I'm 35 but feel 20 (and to be honest act like I'm 20 too!!). I feel like I've missed out on a large part of my life without realising it! I know I need to grow up as it were, but I also don't feel I should live a lie anymore. It's getting quite hard at home at the moment, we're fighting and shouting as I'm not showing I love her. I try but feel very awkward when doing so.

 

Thanks for any advice.

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Sit down with your wife and have an honest talk with her. You need to get out of the marriage and if you take the time to respectfully communicate with her, you can have a "friendly divorce." You'll all feel much better afterwards, all as in all three of you.

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The other kind of problem is the way I feel now. I'm 35 but feel 20 (and to be honest act like I'm 20 too!!). I feel like I've missed out on a large part of my life without realising it! I know I need to grow up as it were, but I also don't feel I should live a lie anymore. It's getting quite hard at home at the moment, we're fighting and shouting as I'm not showing I love her.

.

 

You are going through an early midlife crisis induced by change of lifestyle cause of the baby.

What EXACTLY do you think you have missed out? Partying, girls, traveling? Or is it more of a feeling you are missing out on "something", but nothing in particular?

Don't be one of those guys that bail at the first sign of trouble, you are old enough to know that life's not always perfect.

You say you are trying but ask yourself are you REALLY trying. I know I wouldn't be able to give all myself into fixing things if I think I'm missing out on "something" and my partner is the only thing in my way.

I think you could really benefit from a therapy, eather individually or couples counselling.

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I feel you should be honest and explain it all to her. Explain you do love here but not in love anymore, sadly.

 

With a divorce/seperation it will not hinder your chances at seeing your child. You have every right to see your child (visitation etc.). So you can remain in your childs life, but no reason to carry on a relationship that is dead, at this point and neither of you sound happy anymore?

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