My sister has lost control but won't divorce

[Leona700]

My sister has been married for 8 years and I havnt seen her happy for more than a few summers. She has low self esteem and I truly believe that is what's keeping her there. When I see her she talks to me like I'm a stranger. She had a mental breakdown and her husband was not there for her during that time. Please tell me that if your husband is not there in your weakest point is there a reason to stick by him? She said to me should I have another baby to save my marriage. I think she has lost compete control of her life.

[Lonewing]

So because she isn't happy, you believe she should get a divorce?

 

And she's asking if she should have another kid to SAVE her marriage?

 

At this point you should either be there to support her in her Marriage or you should butt out. He likely has issues too, and for whatever reason he couldn't be there for her - but clearly she cares enough about him to contemplate such extreme measures to save their marriage. Marriages and partners are not here to make us happy, we are in charge of making ourselves happy, for there is no one but ourselves who can do it!

[Mesemene]

My sister has been married for 8 years and I havnt seen her happy for more than a few summers. She has low self esteem and I truly believe that is what's keeping her there. When I see her she talks to me like I'm a stranger. She had a mental breakdown and her husband was not there for her during that time. Please tell me that if your husband is not there in your weakest point is there a reason to stick by him? She said to me should I have another baby to save my marriage. I think she has lost compete control of her life.

 

Right now, it sounds like instead of worrying about her relationship with her husband, you should be urging her to seek counseling and possibly see a psych - it sounds like she may be struggling with depression. And she will be in no condition to make a good decision until she gets a healthy sense of self back.

 

So offer her support, offer to go with her, but URGE her to make an appointment. Tell her you've seen changes in her that make her seem like a stranger, and you are very concerned. And see if she will go, if only to ease your mind.

 

The last thing you need to worry about is if she should have another baby, or exactly what the dynamic is with her husband. With a breakdown in her history and personality change, and low esteem/unhappy all the time, her health is far more important at this time than any outside complications.