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Confusing Behavior


camp8989

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I had been seeing a guy for about a year who had just gotten out of a 7 year relationship that ended badly so he said he didn't want to get serious. We have known each other since high school (I'm 23). Things were rocky from the start because I wanted more, and he said things like he "could" love me. It screwed with my mind, and I thought if I gave him time it would work out. Back in November he told me very honestly that he was seeing a huge improvement in my mood, that I seemed really happy and that he was really happy for me, it felt like it meant a lot. A week later he saw a guy completely randomly kiss me out of no where at a party. He immediately told me he didn't want to "hook up with me if I was going to let random guys make out with me" it was completely unreasonable because we were not exclusive. When we talked about it later he claimed not to care and when I took a while to answer a text of his about it he just texted back " Off!" We didn't talk for a few weeks after that. I got a weird blank text message from him and a missed call at around one am about two weeks after he told me to off. I called him back a few days later, although I hadn't planned to. He told me simply he called because he was "drunk and wanted to ." This is a guy who has good, kind friends who also think of him as a good person. I have never been treated this way by a guy before and I am extremely confused. I texted him the next day telling him that the next time he was "drunk and wants to " to forget my number. I didn't get a response and that was over a month ago. Please tell me what the hell this means? I want to move on, but I still care about him and don't know why he acted like this.

 

Please don't judge me for dating a guy who stated that he was unable to be in a committed relationship at the time due to the ending of a very long term one that ended badly. It was also his first ever relationship. I tried to understand where he was coming from.

 

For the most part I just want to know the most common reasons guys act this way, and if there is any hope in salvaging this relationship at a later time. If you want to tell me I was used, I acted like a doormat, etc. please save it.

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Why would you want to salvage it? It sounds like he wasn't really over his previous relationship (maybe his ex cheated on him?), he saw you getting kissed by some other guy, made a wrong assumption about the kind of person you are (loose, only good for casual sex) and treated you accordingly.

 

If the beginning of a relationship is supposed to be the honeymoon period and he's behaving like this much of a turbo douche at this point, how much worse is he going to get?

 

IMO, you're well shot of him. Forget him and move on, he's not worth your time or energy.

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You've just experienced what it's like to be with someone who has very set double standards for themselves and others. This guy wanted you to be exclusive to him, he just didn't want to be exclusive to you. That's why you got the weird mixed messages of him not wanting a relationship yet throwing a fit when some other guy kissed you. His subsequent behavior pretty much proves that as well with him turning very hostile once he saw that you weren't going to play his game of chasing after him. Also he's probably not even over the previous relationship, but the bottom line is he's got some growing up and some healing to do himself before he'll be good relationship material for anyone.

 

Bottom line is you're far better off to move on and forget him. This early into dating him there shouldn't be any drama let alone this much and the behavior you've seen is only going to get worse.

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you dont want to be second best with any man im sure, and thats exactly what you would be with this man. its going to take him some time to get over a girl he spent 7 years with and do you wana wait around while he does? is he really worth it? he likely got with you because he was lonely... i know because i was guilty of doing the same after a LTR. he doesnt really like you as a person because he is still hung up on his ex. hes talked to you like youre a sl** when all you did was kiss another guy whilst being in a casual thing with him. big deal! it sounds like he hates women at the moment as he has no respect for you. let him go and delete his number

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