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Saw it coming from a mile away...


misssmithviii

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I'm feeling numb. I felt for the past week that he had checked out of the relationship. Obviously I could tell something was wrong and it made me on edge but when we spoke, he got defensive and just didn't want to deal. This was so uncharacteristic of him and that's how I knew something was up.

 

Last night he explained he was very stressed, wanted to just relax and he'd let me know when he was "ready to talk to someone sugar"... Interestingly enough he called me sugar the past few days, my favorite term of endearment. I think almost to lessen the blow we both know was coming.

 

I've been somewhat unfulfilled by him the past week or so and I realize now it's because he's been so stressed about things he's building up in his head... he even admitted today that he's over thinking things, making bigger issues out of smaller things but he can't help it and he doesn't know what he wants right now, all he knows is he wants time and space. He feel things moved to quickly. That I wanted to spend too much time with him, and of all things, when my team lost in the Playoffs I was "too down" about it. He also mentioned how sad I got when my coworkers were poking fun at me for not working out anymore. His basic points were that my emotions were exhausting him.

 

Rewind. I never once offered to look for a place together, he initiated it when he started writing me notes saying how he wants to wake up to me every morning, sleep with me every night. So I followed suit. He was always telling me I "didn't text" him enough and he would joke around about how in the beginning I used to say I'm naturally the clingy type but I'm not anymore and he said, "well I think I'm clingy and I want you to be your clingy-self!"

 

He was always very positive about these things. Then his mindset changed over time. He stopped talking about moving in and I let it go, understanding it was soon for us anyways.

 

I just don't understand... I told him I'm not here to stress him out, exhaust him I'm here to have fun and love him like we have been. He admitted we have a great time together, and that he loves me and will always love me he just doesn't know what he wants in terms of being with me or not. He explained he can't say he'd be happier without me but he can't say he's happier with me... That stung.

 

I shared an hour with him this afternoon, cried. After a few efforts, I told him I understand, that I love him, and I thanked him for the love he did give and the time we shared. He couldn't solidly tell me it's over, he just kept repeating he just needs to "breathe"... This is all just so confusing because I do give him his space, I've only acted the way he always expressed to me he wanted me to act in terms of seeing him all the time. Then it's flipped on me.

 

Anyway... I guess I'm looking for words of encouragement. I don't want to bash him or our relationship because it was such a good one, these past 2 weeks not considered. Maybe some insight? My guess is he jumped into the deep end too quickly... he thought he was ready for something serious and when I reciprocated, he went oh no wait. I remember once a few months ago we argued and I said it felt like a high school relationship because I wasn't sure if we were really serious. A day later he swooped me off my feet, had me meet his family and not only told me he's serious about me, he wants me for the rest of his life, but he told his parents as well.

To go from that to this... I can only accept his explanation of being "overwhelmed"...

 

I want to give him space, and I will. But he also said he didn't want today to be the last time we saw or spoke... I don't know how well I can just ease in to being his friend...

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I do think spending all that time together and the seriousness of the relationship may have been too much for him. That's not a blaming statement. It means perhaps he thought he could handle than he really could. I think he's kind of young and this is her first relationship? So, I think a lot of doubts creeped in for him until the point he just couldn't be with you anymore.

 

And the fact you have a child adds another layer of seriousness as well.

 

I think it's good for you to give him space. Let the strength of the relationship seep back into his memory. Cut contact. Who knows ... he may rethink being with you in a year or two.

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Thank you for the replies.

 

It is difficult not to focus on the good memories because there were so many. A friend told me to try and agree with his points, in a way force myself to think things are better off this way and we weren't compatible. But that feels all too much like denial. Truth is I don't agree we're better off without each other, we actually did split for a couple weeks a few months ago - I broke it off because I was having difficulties with his inexperience. It was only after a conversation with my first love (we remain close friends), when he told me that the happiness and healthiness he saw in this relationship was better than any he'd seen before. He actually helped me along to find my way back to Chris (that's my most recent ex's name btw... wow that stung to say).

 

I've never put Chris in a position to interact with my daughter, he was the one who initiated it. It was me who kept her at a distance until a few months back when he first met her and we all played at the park. I remember him saying that he loves that I have a daughter but I don't pressure him in any way. He bought her so many gifts for Christmas and actually came over on his own volition to play.

 

Again... I think what gives me some awkward sense of solace is that he did try. I never put pressure on him for us to move in together, but he felt that my situation at all plus caring about me so much made him obligated to. I just wish he didn't hype it all up so much... hype us up. But in a way that shows me he really did love me... he really did care. Just, became overwhelmed. Yes Darcy, this was his first real relationship. He was on and off with a girl for a year but he admits he crushed on her harder than she did for him so it fizzled when she moved away.

 

I believe I deserve someone more mature than this... if he caves under imaginary pressures, dramatizes little tiffs and can't vocalize when he is feeling like he wants some space then that only shows me he's not ready for a real relationship, and, as I said before, is only ready for a high school one. It hurts because I was entering into this relationship not necessarily looking for someone to settle down with, I wasn't thinking like that at all... the only times I began thinking that way were after he explicitly told me he was thinking that way...

 

Perhaps he might want to return. I'm not one to hold onto that kind of hope anymore. I used to. I used to try and manipulate but I'm far too accustomed to heartache to think that works. Even spent over $1,000 on my previous ex (of 4 years) a couple months after we split on racing-compound tires to essentially win him back.

 

Speaking of which, Chris' big Christmas present is still on its way from being backordered. He knows what it is because I showed him a picture of it. It's a very, very expensive collector's knife. When I broke it off with Chris for those couple of weeks, he kept the expensive watch he bought me for my birthday admittedly in hopes of giving it to me if I returned to him. He actually fought with me to give me the gift when I initially refused it. Now I do want to give him the knife, it's not like I can return this it's limited edition and limited run. I just don't think it'd be wise to see him just yet. Mail it to him? Keep it for myself? Thoughts?

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Huge and multiple *HUUUUUUGS*!!!

 

My heart sincerely goes out to you today.

 

Thank you I truly appreciate it.

I know this whole ordeal of healing takes time and I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, it just sucks to know I have no other choice but to endure for now.

Again, thank you.

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