Jump to content

Next move?

bluebell29

By bluebell29
in Dating Advice

Recommended Posts

bluebell29 Explorer

bluebell29

Posted
Posted

I met this guy on a dating website and we've seen each other 5 times now but nothing physical has happened. For our last date, he suggested coffee after work and invited me to his place but I said it was too far and it's a weekday so while I'd like to see his place maybe we could do that on the weekend and meet somewhere central instead. So I know he was hinting that something happen between us but I really couldn't afford to travel that far on a work night.

 

We went for some drinks at a couple of bars instead and had a great time. I was flirting quite a bit with him but for some reason he wasn't flirting back as much and didn't make a move I had asked for his help with something in my flat on Saturday during our conversation and when we were saying goodbye, he said to let him know about Saturday.

 

Should I just see how things go naturally and call him for the legit help I need or should I offer to cook him dinner as a thanks for his help (although I would prefer to cook at his place; so maybe say that we can go to his and cook dinner there later)? I don't want to come accross as too eager but I also feel like he's waiting for me to give him the green light in the physical intimacy department. I'm not sure how to do this though as I can be a bit shy when it comes to that sort of thing and have mainly been used to aggressive guys where I don't need to do much. This guy is a bit more laid back and he looks/waits for cues/signals. I'm not ready for sex with him but I feel like we should at least be onto some kissing already!

 

Thanks in advance!

Link to comment
Share on other sites
GinNJuice Newbie

GinNJuice

Posted
Posted

He sounds like a wuss to me, and you will probably have to continually push things along if you keep seeing him. Are you comfortable always calling the shots?

 

Definitely ask him for help, and I think offering to cook dinner is a nice thank you. I still think he's a wuss though.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
bluebell29 Explorer

bluebell29

Posted
  • Author
Posted

He's 30. I just invited him to stay for dinner or tea after the thing he has to help me with on Saturday. He replied saying he already has plans for the evening so will go with the tea. When we were talking on Wednesday he had said he didn't have plans for the weekend.

Am I overreacting or is he probably seeing someone else and not worth my time? Or probably friend zoning me?

 

This friend zoning seems to be happening a lot to me lately so I'm starting to wonder if I'm giving off some kind of vibe. Guys- what would make you friend zone a girl you were previously attracted to ( I know he was at date 1/2 but I wanted to move slow).

 

I guess I'm also wondering if I should just ask whether we're on the same page. After all we did meet on a dating site but never had a conversation about what each of us was looking for. Should I text him to clarify whether he just thinks of us as friends?

Link to comment
Share on other sites
bluebell29 Explorer

bluebell29

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Thanks for the replies.

UPDATE: I postponed the help I needed yesterday but said he was still welcome to come over for tea. He replies in the afternoon saying can we meet at 6 pm along with a friend of his. My phone was dead when he replied and I only saw the message at 6. I called him and said I had to work and he said to let him know at whatever point I wanted to hangout. I called him an hour later saying I was still stuck at work and he again said to just let him know when I wanted to come out - he'd be out with friends. I finally texted him at 9:30 pm saying I won't be able to come out but would he like to catch a movie at 11 am on Sunday. He replies back at 1:30 pm today saying he was sleeping, it was a late night and how was the movie. I'm not sure if I'm expecting too much to think that he could've replied to me sooner. And he could've called to apologise for the late response. Or asked what I was doing today. I could use his help tomorrow for what I had asked initially. Is it worth it or should I just let this one go? Not sure if I'm being too harsh.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
bluebell29 Explorer

bluebell29

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Thanks for your opinions.

Well, could it be that because I'm a foreigner in the city I live in and don't know many people, he is being nice and introducing me to his friends? He is a very social person.

But are guys 'nice' like that? I mean if there's nothing in it for them...? Does he really see such a budding friendship in me? lol

He's coming over tomorrow to help. Again, why would someone give so much of their time to make one more friend when they have plenty already?

I'm pretty confused as well. Although I do like just getting to know him before I even make up my mind about seeing any relationship potential here, so I might just see where this goes.

I don't have many close guy friends though so am just wondering - do guys behave like this with girls they like or just like as friends?

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Thorshammer Contributor

Thorshammer

Posted
Posted

For the guys on this forum... read about what happens when you dont have it figured out, and how harshly you can be judged. Keep this in mind with all the posts about being too much of a gentleman, or being too nice (in this guys head, for all he knows he is being super respectful and nice).

 

But... i wont let that stop me from judging this guy too. Maybe he doesnt have a lot of experience with women? Why dont you bring it up? Maybe you are giving him friendly vibes and he feels he needs to put in more work. Ask him, "is something wrong that we havent kissed, or is there no chemistry between us?" You are in fact letting him LEAD, and hes leading you down some slope straight off the road, guide him back or ask him what his intentions are.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
bluebell29 Explorer

bluebell29

Posted
  • Author
Posted
For the guys on this forum... read about what happens when you dont have it figured out, and how harshly you can be judged. Keep this in mind with all the posts about being too much of a gentleman, or being too nice (in this guys head, for all he knows he is being super respectful and nice).

 

But... i wont let that stop me from judging this guy too. Maybe he doesnt have a lot of experience with women? Why dont you bring it up? Maybe you are giving him friendly vibes and he feels he needs to put in more work. Ask him, "is something wrong that we havent kissed, or is there no chemistry between us?" You are in fact letting him LEAD, and hes leading you down some slope straight off the road, guide him back or ask him what his intentions are.

 

I'm not judging him harshly at all! In fact if he really is a nice guy, I would be a lucky girl! Maybe I've been hanging around these forums too much and you constantly hear about how guys don't waste time being nice unless they are into you.

He definitely does have a lot of experience with women - he's already mentioned 4 ex-girlfriends lol . I do think he might be being respectful and a little bit unsure of how to move forward with me.

I don't want to outright ask him as I think it might make him feel like I disagree with his approach or questioning how he's leading (by implicitly saying 'you should've done this and that by now'). I'm not in any rush either and I think in time it will be evident if he likes me like that or not.

Although I admit I've probably been giving friendly vibes out - I'm just scared to jump into a relationship as i just moved to a foreign country and am dealing with so much already. A slow pace is just fine with me. I guess if I do start to really develop feelings for him, I should ask then. Don't you think?

Link to comment
Share on other sites
bluebell29 Explorer

bluebell29

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Is this the same guy from your earlier thread? The one with the climbing meetup?

 

Yes he is. So I went back and read that thread and think I finally do agree with the majority that he's not really into me! And I think after today he's even less into me!

So he came over this evening to help out and he did, very nice of him. He stayed for a tea and then left soon after. I don't really understand him. He doesn't have to do me favours if he doesn't like me. We're pretty much strangers after all. Does he just want to be friends because I'm from an exotic country and he's never met anyone from there before? Guys - your opinions please. Is this something you would do? He travelled 40 mins (each way!) to come to help me for an hour.

 

I can't help thinking that asking for his help actually killed whatever attraction he did feel for me. Like I've made myself a bit obligated to him and have to now be sweet to him no matter what. Where's the attraction in that?!

 

What advice would you give if I wanted to save whatever little is left here? Completely back off? He has an interview tomorrow and I was wondering if I should wish him good luck (I did this verbally when he was leaving) or check in afterwards? Since he's been nice to me, I kind of feel obligated to be nice to him! I wish I hadn't asked his help. I do feel like I should offer to make it up to him. Any thoughts on this? I feel like he really went out of his way on a weekday night to help and I should offer to buy him a drink or something. Or will that ruin things further?

 

Also and finally, is it worth maybe sending him a text in a couple days saying I'm not sure where we are with this dating thing, I like him but wanted to know if he sees any relationship potential. Or is everything obvious in his actions?

 

Any help appreciated!

 

P.S. I'm also having the horrible feeling that he thinks I'm just using him for help in settling in....do I need to clarify I like him?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...