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identity crisis, how do i find myself?

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SOOOO i have realized that i am in a bit of an identity crisis. Im only 21 and i live at home. i don't go to school currently but i work full time in a pretty isolating job. I want to move out and go back to school but i have no funds for it.


without a group of friends i don't know who i am, where i stand.


i am starting to pull myself out of this crisis a little by realizing that i have to march to the beat of my own drum. i need to be who i want to be unapologetically.


i'm just lost. my parents give very little guidance.. i feel somewhat trapped at home, i don't know where to go or how to spend my time.


i quit smoking which has helped me a lot because it only depressed me and kept me in the rut. I've been going to the gym every day, very motivated to get in shape.


i was just wondering if anyone has experienced this confusing time period and what they did to find themselves

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Ok, let's begin by saying "I am 21 years old". Take the "only" out of it as it implies that you might think that you are younger than you really are. 21 is a magical time. It is the end of one era and the beginning of another. A lot of people, upon turning 21, even go through this "old" feeling because, up until that point, they have done so much stuff that they feel like they don't know what else to do in order to commemorate hitting that magical 21.


Put all of that thinking aside if you have it. 21 is like standing at the front of a long, long, hallway after coming out of what you thought was a long hallway before you entered this one. The world is your oyster. Go get your shucking knife and crack that puppy open.


Might I suggest that you begin by getting a second job in a place that is ridiculously populated with ridiculously fun people?


I know, I know, "a second job? are you crazy?" but no, I'm not. It will be extra money. You don't have to take it but so seriously, and since you have a real job already, you can stop doing it the minute it becomes the least bit of a problem. In the meantime you will be exposing yourself to people, getting out of the house, and (if you save a little) working towards your own place or funds for school.


Remember this tactic in life for whenever you are socially bored. Nothing breaks up the monotony like a second job. Just don't take get your priorities messed up.


Once you get the second job, be social. Engage people or allow yourself to be engaged. You might end up meeting some pretty cool people. If you don't, put in your two weeks and go and get another part time gig.


If a second job doesn't sound like your cup of tea try looking into the locals for free training opportunities. A good, positive way of getting out there and meeting new people should always revolve around self-improvement. The reason I say this is because it's easy to fall into the wrong crowd no matter where you go, but it's less easy to fall in with long term bad influences in places where the people coming out are going to be improved in some way. Keep that in mind.


Go for pretty much anything, don't be afraid to step out of your comfort zone on some things, you never know, you might find that you actually enjoy doing some things that you never thought you would later on. At the very least all of it will build up your knowledge of the world, of people, and your social muscles, which will allow you to communicate and get along with just about anyone moving forward.


Finally, regarding school, if you don't have the money I suggest you just go there anyway and talk to someone about your options. Getting educated is always easier than we think it is if we are willing to just do the work. Careful about messing around with this if you are not serious though because you could end up burning some bridges early that you might want to cross later. Be serious before taking any grants, loans, or anything else that is going to require to to perform.


Somewhere in the middle of all that I think you might at least get a good whiff of where you might be.


Good Luck.

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Those are really good tips, Old Man ;-)


To add to the suggestions... try making a bucket list of things you are excited about or have always wanted to try (mine included things like: take a cooking class, plant a garden, go skydiving, go on a road trip, start a blog, give blood, as well as certain financial goals around home ownership and paying down debt, certain educational goals, and certain health goals... most things on the list were one time things, but a few were habits and longer term items... so maybe it's not *exactly* the concept of a bucket list). What Your post felt.. flat. Like you were just not excited about anything in your life right now and getting out of bed had become monotonous. I think you need to find a few things worth being excited about. And in the process, you will definitely meet people and learn some things about yourself and the world. You are on the right track, and at 21, you definitely do have your whole life in front of you.

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