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My birthday was yesterday. It wasn't horrible. Actually it was pretty nice. I didn't have big plans but I had lunch with my dad, saw the rest of my family in the afternoon and spent the night with my best friend and an old friend I haven't seen in a while.

 

Of course I thought about my ex, I couldn't help it. And I'm not going to lie: it felt weird not hearing from him. But I was sooo relieved. He's on holidays and he travelled to USA, and our country is quite far so I thought I wouldn't receive anything from him. I really didn't want him to contact me because I would overanalyze every word and feel bad.

 

Then, at 11.58 pm he sent an email. Which said:

 

No, I didn't forget your birthday. I hope you have a great day.

You became a beautiful and brilliant 22 years old woman. I wish you the best.

I love you.

 

 

My birthday was ending and everything was fine but he had to sent it 2 minutes before the ending! that was awful! hahaha

And I guess I wasn't brilliant and beautiful enough because he left and started dating someone else

anyways I think he probably had good intentions but I didn't (and I won't) answer. I always did whenever he made contact but I won't this time. I want him to think I dissapeared from his life more than ever.

And everytime I answered him, I felt really bad later because I never had what I want from him. He was just being friendly. And I don't want his friendship.

Thankfully, I was with my friends when I read this so it wasn't horrible at the moment. But it was a little setback in my recovery.

 

I'm going on a trip in a few hours so I'm excited, and when I return, I'll go on a diet and work out. I think that losing some weight will really help me. I plan to start seeing a therapist as well. So I have this little plans for my near future.

 

I really love my ex bf, even after all the pain he caused. We were together for more than 3 years and he was my first love (and I was his). I really thought we had a future together. I don't know where I failed or why he decided he didn't want that with me but I respect it. There's nothing I can do. But I'll disappear completely from him life because he doesn't deserve having me there for him everytime he needs someone. Maybe in the future. We've been in no contact but we talked a little bit in christmas and I broke nc a few times in the past. But I won't make more mistakes. I know he will miss me because I know he loves me but he has a new girl now and he has to learn that his actions has consequences. He can't have both of us. And I won't deal with his emotional side while the girl has the fun side haha.

 

I don't believe in faith or anything but I have a very romantic vision of love. I think he is the love of my life. The person I wanted to be for the rest of my life. Maybe we can have a future together someday. Maybe not. But I won't wait for him. And I also think that getting back any time soon would be a mess and wouldn't last. Maybe in a few years, I don't know. But if he never has any intention of getting back with me then I hope I meet the right person in the future because I know I can be a great girlfriend.

 

I don't know how my future will be but I'll be a stronger person. It's been only three months after the BU so I have long way to go yet.

 

Thank you all for the support. This forum has helped me a lot and reading stories about people dealing with every kind of breakup really made me feel I wasn't alone.

And as I always say, I'm sorry for my bad english.

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Also, I might add something it took me a very long time to learn:

 

Something bad happening at the end of a day doesn't undo all of the good things that happened that day. Just like a breakup doesn't undo all the good times or nullify them. The bad thing just is, by itself, and shouldn't weigh more than all the good that came before or after.

 

Chin up.

 

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