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online dating: when the person you're messaging never asks questions about you.


deejay74

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i've been messaging this woman on okc for a couple of days now and we've already set up a "date" for sunday.

 

however, when we message, she never asks any questions.

 

she response fairly quickly to my messages and of course i always ask a question or 2 about her.

 

i think she's interested in me otherwise she wouldn't be responding to my messages or agreed to meet on sunday. she "liked" my profile on OKC too.

 

usually, i would say that anyone who doesn't asks questions about me is not really interested. but i'm not sure about this woman.

 

could it be that she's shy?

 

on a side note: i really do not like messaging back and forth on the dating sites. i'd much rather take it offline, if they feel comfortable, to chat, emails, phone, or texts. how soon should i ask? i've asked one girl after a couple of messages and she agreed. i asked this current girl after a few messages and she said she wants to keep it on OKC for now. a third one i asked in the 2nd message and she hasn't responded.

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Its not because she is shy, its more likely that she is talking to lots of other men at the same time and cant be bothered to read your profile and find things to ask you.

 

Saying that, after all you have been through I think you should go on the date as this is a positive step for you. Just dont expect too much from this date though but rather use it as a first step to finding someone new after your previous relationship.

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Its not because she is shy, its more likely that she is talking to lots of other men at the same time and cant be bothered to read your profile and find things to ask you.

 

Saying that, after all you have been through I think you should go on the date as this is a positive step for you. Just dont expect too much from this date though but rather use it as a first step to finding someone new after your previous relationship.

 

hmm, i thought about that too. that's the name of the game i guess.

 

yeah, i'm just trying to get back into dating and seeing how things go.

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I wouldn't meet someone who didn't ask me any questions on email or phone but I'd limit the email and focus on the phone -and if she doesn't ask you any questions on the phone I'd cancel the date - who needs to spend time with someone who is acting so self-absorbed. Who cares why -not your problem at this stage.

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I wouldn't meet someone who didn't ask me any questions on email or phone but I'd limit the email and focus on the phone -and if she doesn't ask you any questions on the phone I'd cancel the date - who needs to spend time with someone who is acting so self-absorbed. Who cares why -not your problem at this stage.

 

i just sent her a message saying since we are meeting on sunday would she mind exchanging numbers. i gave her mine and said it would be cool to talk for a bit before meeting.

 

let's see what she says.

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i just sent her a message saying since we are meeting on sunday would she mind exchanging numbers. i gave her mine and said it would be cool to talk for a bit before meeting.

 

let's see what she says.

That's great! I think was the perfect thing to do.

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This is a typical experience for men online. I let it get to me and I stopped talking to a log of women because of that. I held on to one woman even tho she never asked me anything, and its only because she was very beautiful- we met up and she became my gf .. well ex now. Women get a lot of messages, they either think they can sit pretty, or they are so packed with messages that they feel like they shouldn't put in work, or they genuinely don't know how to reciprocate online.

 

Now I let things slide. I charge headfirst for women and shoot the charm and aggression as if I don't care if she might not like me or like I won't get hurt. This is a far better approach, just play along until the dates start adding up.

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Funny date story:

 

At the end of the date, the guy actually confronted me with "how come you didn't ask me anything." So I laughed and said, "well, you grew up in and your parents are and your siblings are and your best friend and at uni you did this crazy thing and yous boss the other day did this....yada yada yada yada...." His eyes slowly grew very wide. When I was finished reciting back to him every detail of his life that he told me over the course of the date, I had one question for him, "So is there anything about your life you've left out that I should know about?". Dude had verbal diarrhea while busily obsessing that he is not being asked anything.

 

Don't be that dude. Don't sweat minor things, don't obsess about e-mails or even phone calls. Don't count how many and what questions someone does or does not ask. Go out on dates, sit face to face and see how that goes. Keep your mind open, be open and you'll be pleasantly surprised with life. When you are just sitting there over analyzing every itty bitty little thing, getting hung up on everything that's not done how you imagine it should be done, etc. you are just sabotaging yourself and pushing people away.

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This is a typical experience for men online. I let it get to me and I stopped talking to a log of women because of that. I held on to one woman even tho she never asked me anything, and its only because she was very beautiful- we met up and she became my gf .. well ex now. Women get a lot of messages, they either think they can sit pretty, or they are so packed with messages that they feel like they shouldn't put in work, or they genuinely don't know how to reciprocate online.

 

Now I let things slide. I charge headfirst for women and shoot the charm and aggression as if I don't care if she might not like me or like I won't get hurt. This is a far better approach, just play along until the dates start adding up.

 

you are more right then you know! I have been there and done that. Best thing to do is be authentic and to for it.

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This is a typical experience for men online. I let it get to me and I stopped talking to a log of women because of that. I held on to one woman even tho she never asked me anything, and its only because she was very beautiful- we met up and she became my gf .. well ex now. Women get a lot of messages, they either think they can sit pretty, or they are so packed with messages that they feel like they shouldn't put in work, or they genuinely don't know how to reciprocate online.

 

Now I let things slide. I charge headfirst for women and shoot the charm and aggression as if I don't care if she might not like me or like I won't get hurt. This is a far better approach, just play along until the dates start adding up.

 

thanks for this. i will try this approach.

 

Funny date story:

 

At the end of the date, the guy actually confronted me with "how come you didn't ask me anything." So I laughed and said, "well, you grew up in and your parents are and your siblings are and your best friend and at uni you did this crazy thing and yous boss the other day did this....yada yada yada yada...." His eyes slowly grew very wide. When I was finished reciting back to him every detail of his life that he told me over the course of the date, I had one question for him, "So is there anything about your life you've left out that I should know about?". Dude had verbal diarrhea while busily obsessing that he is not being asked anything.

 

Don't be that dude. Don't sweat minor things, don't obsess about e-mails or even phone calls. Don't count how many and what questions someone does or does not ask. Go out on dates, sit face to face and see how that goes. Keep your mind open, be open and you'll be pleasantly surprised with life. When you are just sitting there over analyzing every itty bitty little thing, getting hung up on everything that's not done how you imagine it should be done, etc. you are just sabotaging yourself and pushing people away.

 

Oh, I am not sending her long winded messages. Usually 1 or 2 sentences or questions. I haven't revealed much about me at all.

 

Yeah, I know it's good to over analyze. It's a habit and I have to catch/stop myself.

 

So, that message where I gave her my number. I see that she saw it but hasn't replied yet. She's usually pretty responsive but she might be busy. I'll wait til this evening to see if I get a response. If not, then, I'm not going to meet her on Sunday.

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Women get a lot of messages, they either think they can sit pretty, or they are so packed with messages that they feel like they shouldn't put in work, or they genuinely don't know how to reciprocate online.

 

Well, I do get a lot of messages but it doesn't stop me from asking things I want to know! If you know what you're looking for, you have to ask some basic questions, at least.

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Women hardly ever asked me any questions, aside from very basic career-related stuff. I think it's normal. I'd type out a few paragraphs, commenting on what was in their profile, and they'd send me a sentence or two, revealing that they hadn't even looked at my profile.

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I just hate the game playing involved with dating online or off.

 

i generally respond fairly quickly and up until today, the girl i've been messaging with had been too. but now, since i asked about exchanging numbers and talking for a bit before meeting up, i get silence.

 

everyone says be yourself, and generally i am. but that consists of me not playing games. in this day and age, we're all connected to communications, so taking many hours, or even days, to respond sends a signal to me that someone isn't interested. but me not playing games have turned women off.

 

my gut is telling me this girl isn't going to work out. i would figure talking to someone on the phone first, before meeting up would actually be a good thing.

 

i can't tell you enough how i hate dating.

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I've been on actual dates where the woman never asked a single question about me. It was really awkward and IMO outright rude. Needless to say there was no second date. She may not be a texter though so at least give her the benefit of the doubt until you actually meet her. Women get tons of messages OL so I think they generally keep it short because of that fact alone. It just goes with the territory.

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I often find a similar issues arises with guys I'm talking to on online dating. It means that I find it slightly more difficult to think of things to reply with, and seeing as I get plenty of messages it often means that I stop talking to the no-question guy. If I have time then I will reply to one no question message but 2 strikes and you're out for me.

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ok tell me if i am over analyzing.

 

yesterday we were both chatting from the okc app from our phones during work. she would respond fairly promptly, no more than 30 minutes or so. and like i said, she never asked me anything. We even messaged each other last night for a while.

 

so at 10:33am i sent her this message: "Hey, hope you're having a great day. Since we're meeting up on Sunday, I'd like to exchange numbers if you're cool with that. Mine is xxx-xxx-xxxx. It would be cool to maybe talk for a little bit before meeting up."

 

It's now 4:33pm. I can see she's read the message. No response.

 

Thoughts?

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If a guy I was about to meet for the first time, didn't give me his phone number, I wouldn't go to the date at all. I wonder if she's very shy (how old is she?) or she has something to hide or she's not that interested.

 

Yeah, that makes total sense.

 

She's 35, according to her profile. I had to ask what her name was after we started messaging. I signed the first message with my real name. When she responded with her name, she said "sorry, i am new at this".

 

I don't know.

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I'd give her all night to respond, but if she doesn't respond by tomorrow early evening, I'd tell her that honestly you're hesitant to meet up with someone who has not asked you a single question about yourself during the getting-to-know-each-other phase. Ask her to confirm whether she in fact still wants to meet up.

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Playing devil's advocate a bit - it can seem like you are suddenly back peddling on the date. I mean you have the date already set and now all of a sudden, "oh hey maybe we should better talk first."

 

If she is new to this, she might be timid, worried about giving out personal phone number to a stranger, etc. She might have some bad past baggage with a guy spamming her phone....that actually happens more than you would think.

 

I would just disregard her lack of response, ask her about her day or whatever contact you have been maintaining leading up to the date and confirm the date (most important).

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I'd give her all night to respond, but if she doesn't respond by tomorrow early evening, I'd tell her that honestly you're hesitant to meet up with someone who has not asked you a single question about yourself during the getting-to-know-each-other phase. Ask her to confirm whether she in fact still wants to meet up.

 

That's kind of what I was thinking. I don't know how scary, unreasonable, or whatever it is to want to talk to someone before meeting up. Or, at the very least, text. She could respond and say we can text first. I would be fine with that. I just think it's annoying and pointless to message back and forth through a dating site.

 

Playing devil's advocate a bit - it can seem like you are suddenly back peddling on the date. I mean you have the date already set and now all of a sudden, "oh hey maybe we should better talk first."

 

If she is new to this, she might be timid, worried about giving out personal phone number to a stranger, etc. She might have some bad past baggage with a guy spamming her phone....that actually happens more than you would think.

 

I would just disregard her lack of response, ask her about her day or whatever contact you have been maintaining leading up to the date and confirm the date (most important).

 

Hmm, backpedaling? Not sure how I can see that but I appreciate your perspective.

 

I get the rest of what you're saying.

 

So, would you agree with mfan? Should I wait until tomorrow before I reach out again?

 

Thanks.

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