Moving cross country

[Reddevil943286]

The man that I'm dating is moving accross the country. We live in Pennsylvania and he is moving to Seattle. He likes to move to different places... Very much wanderlust. He got a job out there, and I'm very happy for him. Unfortunately, he is the first person I've ever seen myself potentially marrying. He even stayed here longer than he originally intended because he wanted to stay with me longer. However, due to his past and what we both know about ourselves, we have decided to not stay together once he leaves. Of course, he said, in time, if we ever get brought back together, we could try again. I guess me question is, advice on how to deal and how to move on, so that I don't end up following him instead of my own dreams.

[shelty24]

I think that is a very smart decision so well done. From what I have read/learned on forums over the years is that long distance doesn't work and the trust issues are too much.. its not worth it.

 

I think you need to accept its over, draw a line in the sand and move on. If he "finds his way back"-he will likely just want to move again.. so the only way to truly move on and heal is to promise yourself there is no going back no matter what. Close that door completely. Also have NO contact with him at all

[Gimpyrks]

I agree with shelty. Generally the NC rule comes into play with bad break ups but it is especially important here because you don't want to keep giving yourself hope that he'll return by talking to him. Though it's going to be so much harder to do this because it wasn't a nasty breakup and you and him are still on good terms.

 

I'd have a plan for when he leaves, have things lined up for you to do (social activities, hobbies, physical activities, etc.) keep yourself busy and time will help with the rest.

[Reddevil943286]

Thank you all for the advice. I guess I knew subconsciously that letting go completely was the best thing to do, but it's hard because I am still so in love with him, and I would still marry him if I could.

[Gimpyrks]

That does make it harder, I personally believe that you need to start telling yourself that marrying him just isn't going to happen. Be very blunt with yourself, repeat it to yourself in the mirror if you have to. It's hard breaking the news to your heart but being 100% honest with yourself is your best bet.