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Hi all,

 

I'm new here. Its been over month since I broke up with my ex. this was my first relationship ive had so I didnt know what to expect or what to do. I was irrational and stupid when i was trying to get her back after she broke up.

 

I should of done NC but i think its too late to do that. I havent talked to her for 2 weeks now but since it was recently xmas and new years its been pretty hard! Ive been doing things to keep myself busy such as exercise and finding new things to do. But its still hard to not think of her.

 

I'm still having a hard time with sleep as I dont sleep very long and when I wake up its her on my mind. also I dont eat as much or go out as much as before. I am trying to change that and do more stuff.

 

I dont think there is any chance of getting her back so the only option for me is to move on. there are days that i seem to feel like im on the path of recovery and then theres days where I cant seem to do anything but feel sad.

 

The question i have is for those people who have had first love. Do you move on and find a new person? do you move on and fall in love again?

 

because right now I am full of regret and anger at myself. She is amazing and everything I could ever wish for. I honestly believe she is the best person I will ever meet and now shes gone and there is nothing I can do. Ive read and heard all the common advice. "it just takes time" and "there are plenty of fish in the sea". which i guess is true but doesnt help at all. I guess im putting her on a pedestal but for me she is the best person I will ever have and it hurts so much that shes gone for ever.

 

I feel like I will never love again or find someone even half as good as her.

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The short answer is "Yes"

 

The long answer is "Yes. If you want there to be."

 

What do I mean? Well, pretty much everyone after their first major love is listing to port worse than the Titanic. We've built up this person as the be-all end-all, the secret to life. The real secret is that they're not, they're just another person like you and I. But even acknowledging that isn't enough to make us feel better, because we still have those pesky things called emotions. They say time heals all wounds, and short of dismemberment, they're right. It takes time to rebuild ourselves and the life we lost after a breakup. We don't just lose the life with our ex, but also the life we had as a person before them. All too often we lose ourselves to a partner, and usually in the first real love. The partner becomes our existence, replacing our own identity. So when it ends, we're left with nothing to fall back on, leading to hopelessness.

 

You feel like you will never love again. As strong as feelings are, often they are incorrect, or at least a bit fuzzy on the details. In time, you will find love again, but it must first be with yourself. Until you love yourself and place that love before any other, you won't truly be able to maintain a healthy relationship. Be strong, you have the power to make yourself into a person whom surpasses the previous you. You simply need to find the will.

 

Good luck, you can do it

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There is! My "first love" was wonderful for several months, and what followed then and continued for 2.5 more years was the worst period of my life. STILL I had a hard time forgetting him and trusting men again and falling in love. But it did happen. Almost 3 years passed after my break-up when I found someone who I now can proudly call my true first love)

What I always try to tell my friends if they are going through a break up is to see it that way - you broke up for good - so it means you are not meant to be together and there is a person for you that will be perfect and that will BE with you.

 

Your EX can be a wonderful person, but if you broke up and you had issues it means she wasn't your best match. Take your time to heal and then go on. It is great you are living a very active life, keep up with that and with time you will stop looking back with regret. When I met my current BF I was SO happy I was single and I wasn't with my EX or chasing him or else.

 

Good luck!

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thank you guys for your advice and kind words!

 

since its only been only a bit over a month I still have a long way to go. I just hope I can get normal sleep soon and stop hating myself and regretting all the things I should of done.

I do blame myself for this and I do know its my fault. I know the saying that it takes two to ruin a relationship but I know I was the cause of the break up. I didnt cheat or lie to her, I never would. but since it was my first real relationship I didnt know how to act or express myself so she was always confused as to how I felt. she said some times she felt like I really loved her and other times she felt like I was treating her just as a friend. I guess I wasnt a very good boyfriend. Man! why did I have to meet her first. The best thing ever to walk into my life and now shes gone!

 

I'm glad to know that there is life after your first love. I dont believe i'll find someone close to her but I hope this pain subsides.

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Last year my -then- gf of almost 4 years broke up with me. I did not see that coming and it hurt me very much.

Just like you, it was my first serious relationship and I didnt know how to handle it. I begged, cried, felt that nothing was worth without her by my side etc etc. I also believed at that time that she was an angel, the best thing that had happened in my life etc.

I could barely sleep for a few hours, or eat. I lost 6 kg in a matter of few days, and to think that I had no extra weight.

 

 

Long story short, 1 year later, I had another relationship after her, got to meet new girls and finally realized that she was not the "angel" I used to think, not even close.

 

I have totally found and improved myself and know how to handle my relationships and break ups in a more mature way.

 

You will heal, you will move on, you will fall in love again, you will get hurt again and so the story goes

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Yeah, there's a lot of life and live to be had for you. It's a huge deal for you your now, it might always mean a lot to you. But don't hold on too tightly, because there's so much more out there for you to grab on to. Life is wonderful and you'll find lots of love, connections, and relationships.

 

I know things seem difficult right now but what you're going through is completely normal and typical. She sounds wonderful, but there will be plenty of wonderful for you. Now is your time to live and learn and experience. Reflect and learn, but move forward with confidence.

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to answer your question yes. i'm finally seeing that 9 months post breakup of my first love leaving me, after all the important dates, holidays and suffering, i'm still alive and most of all i'm HAPPY. do i think about her... very little but i do. i only feel "hurt" when i think about the 3 days leading up to the breakup (the suspense), the breakup itself, and how pathetic i was while feeling extremely rejected.

 

life continues, life gets better, and you come out stronger.

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It has now been 2+ years since my engagement ended and yes I am "better" but I feel as though those times still come along a little too frequently where I am extremely depressed about it and it seems to cripple me. The extreme longing for her has waned but the imagining is still there to an extent. I would say that the biggest problem has been in that time I have repeatedly failed at finding someone else and that has been the issue that has managed to still bring me down most of the time. I don't care what anyone says, thinks, tells me or whatever but I know that if someone would just come along that I could be with, be intimate with and share all those things I once had that the absolute last bit of pain would disappear and the building of new memories and happy times would bring me back up to the level I was once at.

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Thank you all for your replies.

 

mrmet6986, may i ask if you think you did something wrong or was it just two people changing?

I know that learning to love and accept yourself is the key. However its hard to do when you hate yourself and regret so much. I know that time will make it easier but right now I cant stop hating myself and regretting the things I didnt do and did do.

 

But thanks all for the comments!

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Thank you all for your replies.

 

mrmet6986, may i ask if you think you did something wrong or was it just two people changing?

I know that learning to love and accept yourself is the key. However its hard to do when you hate yourself and regret so much. I know that time will make it easier but right now I cant stop hating myself and regretting the things I didnt do and did do.

 

But thanks all for the comments!

 

I can't say I wasn't at fault for anything but I felt I wasn't really changing much and anything I may have done wrong was not at all intentional and the ultimate goal was always her happiness and well being and providing her with everything she could ever want or need. She was the one changing more in the literal sense of the word in terms of getting older(18-22), going from an awkward looking teenager to a beautiful young woman, going to school, making more and different friends and so forth. I consider myself a very grounded person who is extremely accepting of everyone, doesn't get rattled/angry/upset at just about anything and when something makes it's way into my core of few things/people I truly love and care about the odds of that thing or person leaving that core is next to impossible unless it's an extreme circumstance.

 

There are things I hate/regret from the relationship but I also know the good that I did far outweighs those things. Actually any hate I may have for myself now is actually more of a regret for not taking more advantage of my youth as far as education, physical upkeep and money saving but those ultimately are things that I was directly responsible for and not someone else so the any issue I may have or had with women are on a different plane.

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