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today is 6 months+1 day since my ex moved out. Something "hit" today for sure.

 

Total NC isn't an option (and its not an option I'd really want) since we both have teenage children, and over the past 8 years, we've both been active step-parents to each other's kids in a way their real other-parents really haven't. There were good, logical reasons from both of us contributing to our decision to separate. We still have a a bit of finance to resolve relating to the house we used to share, so contact is necessary over that anyway.

 

I know things will in relation to the kids will change anyway as the teenagers get more and more independent, in any case. I know I still struggle with losing my dream that I'd found "the one".

 

I'm alive, have kids I love, financially ok.

 

It just feels sh*t, losing colour from my life and everything seems to look very black and white and stark.

 

I don't particularly like being single or celibate. I have almost decided that I could not deal at all with a new relationship anyway, expecting this person to deal with all the baggage that comes with me. I saw my ex as my 'happy ever after', but it died, and after a failed marriage, and the failed relationship I thought would be "happy ever after", even learning from my marriage mistakes, perhaps, for me, it means enough is enough.

 

Yuk

 

There are probably no answers. Tomorrow is new day... drink decent coffee... enjoy talking to whatever folks I end up talking to and working with during the day... chat to my kids... and just keep going. Look for some church volunteering options, or perhaps find a meetup group to get out a bit more.

 

Bit scary that the daughter who lives with me is almost 18 and will be off to university in 8-9 months time. Better get a few things in the diary, otherwise it will just me be as "mad cat man" hanging out with my 3 rescue cats!

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Hi John

 

It is early days for you in the grand scheme of things so don't lose hope please mate. It is crappy when nc is an impossibility due to children and finances but if you can get through that, then you can get through anything.

 

I have been in exactly your shoes and it was really tough. But - time will be on your side so be gentle ant patient with yourself - ok?

 

Your daughter is off to uni and whilst that might make you feel like you will be truly alone initially, it will actually open up new avenues for you. But it wont work if you sit about and mope. Try your best to get out and about and accept any social invites you might get - however lame they may seem.

 

 

I am just down the road in Herts so if you get stuck and fancy a beer then give me a shout mate - I am a pretty good ear to bend!

 

Cheers, Mark

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Break something. Something not important. Like an ugly coffee mug that they liked or whatever.

 

Sounds weird, but it helps sometimes.

 

There are lots of little hurdles to get over that seem really big at the time that you're getting over them... but you'll do it.

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