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I really do not know how to put this into words, so please bare with me. Last December, I have spent another Christmas without that special someone. I know that its Jesus' birthday. However, everywhere I go I am reminded that I lack that certain individual in my life. I really do try, I go to school and work, so I don't stay at home and do nothing. I know that I am not bad looking at all. In the last year I have improved on my "meeting new people skills" dramatically. I just can't seem to find her. When I think I have found her, its total rejection. I AM SICK OF IT. I never been in a serious relationship. It does not suck it blows. I just don't know what to do. I don't have a lot of friends I can spend time with. My family seems to be somewhat distant. The only person in my family I can connect with is my younger brother but he has been in a serious relationship with a girl. He is 20. I am 25 now. I don't how much of my life I have left. But that is 25 years I have spent with out that person. Not sure what to do. I know relationships is give and take but I hate to do everything alone. It makes me even more angry when I see people all around me find relationships left and right and I can't even find one. I don't know why that is so but it makes me fighting mad. I am not sure on what to do. People don't tell when I am not looking that is when I will find her or she will find me. I don't understand how if I don't do anything, I will get something if that makes sense. All I know it makes me feel sad and I am not sure what to do.

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The holidays can be a rough time to be single- check the breaking up forum for loads of posters (myself included) dreading the holiday period!

 

Good news- it's over,out the way and you can look forward to a New Year! Don't stress out about finding someone, you will when you're happy and content with yourself!

 

Happy New Year!

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You're pretty much in the same boat as me. Yeah, it's not fun. People will tell you a lot of different things, that you're either "looking for it too much", or that you're "not looking hard enough". In other words, it's always "your fault". That's how I always took it when people say those things to me, anyway. Unfortunately, there's no good answer to give. You might luck out and find someone, or you might not. I hate to say it, but it really doesn't matter a whole lot what you do; some people just aren't capable of finding that, no matter how much they may want it.

 

I, personally, have simply chosen to give in to the sadness, loneliness, and anger, and I've adopted an "Everyone can just **** off" mentality. Probably wouldn't recommend going down that path, to another person, but that is one option.

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You have not been "alone" for 25 years....you haven't had a gf/relationship since turning 18....that is 7 years.

You have plenty of "life" left.

 

However, while you don't think it is so, your anger and sadness comes through loud and clear. People want to be in a relationship with someone

who is upbeat and happy and comfortable with themselves.

 

Join a group that shares a hobby or passion.

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In the last year I have improved on my "meeting new people skills" dramatically...I don't have a lot of friends I can spend time with.

 

Get a life. Get interested in something. Connect with people around some passion, some hobby. Develop friendships. Build yourself up. You're not going to find someone who fulfills you and makes you feel better. It doesn't work that way.

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Get a life. Get interested in something. Connect with people around some passion, some hobby. Develop friendships. Build yourself up. You're not going to find someone who fulfills you and makes you feel better. It doesn't work that way.

 

^^^

 

Exactly. Get a life. Forget relationships... just focus on you and concentrate on what makes you happy.

 

You are free to to whatever you want when you are single.

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Cheer up! nobody wants to be with the mad guy. But check it out. I too was were you were at for a little while. All of my friends were getting married. Then something happened. I got into some relationships I wanted OUT OF! I had one, were I couldn't breathe. I hated it. Whenever I get down, I just think about that one. Not to mention. Sometimes, we think we really want something and then we get it...and were like "not so much", can I give this back?

 

My perspective is, I have some friends that I would do just about ANYTHING for, over the course of these friendships, I am surrounded in "serial monogomous" people. I have seen some of them go through TERRIBLE Divorces, Fights and other things that I wouldn't wish on my enemies. I think we all to an extent fall in love with the "idea" of love.

 

Keep on breathing and taking in oxygen, and just meet all kinds of people. Last year, I stayed on dates with great people that I just wasn't that interested in. I enjoyed the time spent, I enjoyed their conversation, but I know immediately on some of these dates, I'm not "inspired". My point here is, you could get this person, and they really suck and cause you all kinds of unnecessary stress you didn't have. I called these people "anchors". you were floating through life just fine, then you run into one of these anchors and start drowning with their issues.

 

I am 34, life has allowed me to have some real interesting situations and as I look over my portfolio, there is not ONE OF THEM, that I sit back and wish 'if only we worked it out". I have an ex that comes back annually every November, we NEVER make it to Christmas. This has been going on for 5 years. The grass is always greener on the other side...but the water bill is higher.

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It seems like the "go to" advice for single folks like us who struggle to form connections is to find groups. Reality is that not all of us live in major metropolitan areas. It's not just a matter of going to link removed and finding a group. At least in my case, there simply are no groups to be found in my city. I can't be the only one who doesn't live in a huge city where there are such options. The next advice in line is to move away. It would be nice if we could all just snap our fingers and relocate.

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...It seems that for people in rural areas, the only other options available to you is either commute to areas where there are more people, join a church in your town, ...or go to the local community center and see if there are upcoming events in your area. Other than that, your only other option is online dating, which will probably result in an LDR or an online-only relationship.

 

...I hope you find some options.

 

-LR

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It seems like the "go to" advice for single folks like us who struggle to form connections is to find groups. Reality is that not all of us live in major metropolitan areas. It's not just a matter of going to link removed and finding a group. At least in my case, there simply are no groups to be found in my city. I can't be the only one who doesn't live in a huge city where there are such options. The next advice in line is to move away. It would be nice if we could all just snap our fingers and relocate.

 

So if modern technology isn't something your city is keen on. Let modern technology go and do it "the old fashioned way."

 

Sure meetup is convenient and helped me quickly find things to do; but when I was out skiing and exploring Colorado, my phone died constantly (mountains). And I didn't always have my charger with me but at the hotel. So the only option is to leave the phone behind and go talking to people. Asking around, exploring.

 

If you can't find a way to enjoy yourself out in Albuquerque New Mexico, then throwing you in the middle of Manhattan won't do you any better anyway.

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...It seems that for people in rural areas, the only other options available to you is either commute to areas where there are more people, join a church in your town, ...or go to the local community center and see if there are upcoming events in your area. Other than that, your only other option is online dating, which will probably result in an LDR or an online-only relationship.

 

...I hope you find some options.

 

-LR

 

Just to go through your list...

 

1. The closest bigger city is a 9-hour drive. Not happening unless I move, which requires more than just a decision to move. Things need to fall into place, mainly a good job, which isn't easy to find.

 

2. I will never set foot in a religious institution.

 

3. This is not a city with a community centre. It's just not a place that is accepting to finding a social group as an adult. Everyone has their friends and they stick to them. It's hard to explain, it's just very unfriendly to shy people.

 

So if modern technology isn't something your city is keen on. Let modern technology go and do it "the old fashioned way."

 

Sure meetup is convenient and helped me quickly find things to do; but when I was out skiing and exploring Colorado, my phone died constantly (mountains). And I didn't always have my charger with me but at the hotel. So the only option is to leave the phone behind and go talking to people. Asking around, exploring.

 

If you can't find a way to enjoy yourself out in Albuquerque New Mexico, then throwing you in the middle of Manhattan won't do you any better anyway.

 

I would kill to be in a city the size of Albuquerque, nevermind Manhattan... but either way I disagree. Bigger city, more people, greater odds of finding people you will fit in with. I'm simply not a guy who is able to just go talking to random people. I've worked hard for years to get through that anxiety, but it just hasn't worked out.

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I would kill to be in a city the size of Albuquerque, nevermind Manhattan... but either way I disagree. Bigger city, more people, greater odds of finding people you will fit in with. I'm simply not a guy who is able to just go talking to random people. I've worked hard for years to get through that anxiety, but it just hasn't worked out.

 

Which is exactly my point. Never mind where you live, those two cities were examples and further backs my point. It doesn't matter where you live or your odds, when the foundation itself (you, your mentality) needs work. Your problem isn't where you live perhaps, but the anxiety you face when trying to speak to people.

 

So we divert our attention to that and not something you can't control, like your location. Have you tried talking with professionals or taken a class on communication or just worked with someone else other than yourself (blind can't lead the blind.)

 

At the same time, understand that self defeating attitude, no matter how much *sense* it makes, helps you none. It hurts you way more than it can possibly help. So don't take this forum or the posts within as ideas that you've done before but just won't work. Sometimes it takes revisiting a suggestion with a different approach that proves to be the most helpful. Either way, the goal is (like you said) to increase your odds of success, and that means looking at everything and not just location.

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I love myself, who I am, what I'm interested in, etc, etc, etc. It's just reality that I don't fit in where I was born and raised. It's a northern, outdoorsy type of redneck town that just isn't me.

 

Regarding the anxiety, I've done the counselling thing, been on anti-anxiety medication and the whole deal with that. One thing I've discovered is that when it comes to random small-talk conversation, I just don't know anything about what most people talk about. I'm not a mainstream guy (IE: popular tv shows, music, etc that everybody knows about).

 

My points of frustration recently simply comes from the fact that with the online effort, I've been trying for over a year to get even one coffee date and that's been unsuccessful. Women, at least in my area, who are online and actually reply always stop talking when the idea of meeting is brought up.

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