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breaking up after childbirth


lr124

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hi im needing some advice on what to do. my girlfriend well ex had our first child a month ago.the first 2 weeks were pretty hard as alot of you prob know but after that i came home from work one day and she said she wanted me to leave and she doesnt love me? is this jus hormones after having the baby or somthing else?shes totaly ignoring me when i try to sort things out.what do i do? its so difficult. thanks

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im hoping it is and she comes around soon.its just so confusing for me? this should be a happy time. i have read about people falling out of love after having a baby.can this be somthing to do with feeling so much love towards the baby?

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It could be a lot of things. Having a baby is a huge adjustment for everyone - it changes your body, your hormones, your routines... your entire life.

 

I think the advice to focus on being a parent right now is sound. Focus on taking care of your child and making sure it is safe and well taken care of - and protect your rights in that regard.

 

Keep an eye on your (ex) girlfriend - make sure she's adjusting well, etc. but don't push her too much about the relationship right now. My primary concern would be the kiddo.

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yea i have supported her through the pregnancy,attended all scans,went through all the birth,cut the cord etc etc. we were together almost 2 years before she got pregnant. it was a shock when we found out and wernt sure what to do,i was only 23 at the time. i didnt think it was the right time then but now i wouldnt change it for the world which i have told her. we did have a few fall outs through the pregnancy but always sorted things out. im just unsure what to think? does she still love me or has she fallen out of love? i know its a very difficult time.more for her than me as she has the baby all day.i have read about how women can react after having a baby. its just really difficult for me at the moment.i have been trying not to contact her as much as possible the past few days but when i have she hasnt replied?

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our fall outs were basically always about my mother,she has always thaught my mum dislikes her which is not the case.evry time this was braught up it would end in a argument then she would tell me to leave.i am not a person who picks arguments i just wanted evryone to get on.especialy when we wer having a baby.i have never been agresive towards her,although she has been phisicaly and verbally towards me.i dont drink or do drugs.

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I doubt her love for the baby has replaced her love for you. Maybe shes insecure and feels it wont last so shes pushing you away now to save herself future pain.. maybe she is confused and not sure what she wants right now or maybe this has been awhile coming and she is sure.

 

All you can do is be a good dad right now and give her some space. Tell her you want to spend time with the baby but wont put any pressure on her about your relationship.

 

Give it a few months and see if anything changes

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this is what im planning on doing.im going to give her time to think of what she wants,i have told her i love her and want to sort things out and left it at that.i will see what happens,hopefuly we do sort things out but if not i will always be the best dad to my daughter.

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our fall outs were basically always about my mother,she has always thaught my mum dislikes her which is not the case.evry time this was braught up it would end in a argument then she would tell me to leave.i am not a person who picks arguments i just wanted evryone to get on.especialy when we wer having a baby.i have never been agresive towards her,although she has been phisicaly and verbally towards me.i dont drink or do drugs.

 

You do realize by defending your mom every time you are show that you do not support her, would not take her side, and dismiss her feelings. If you cannot validate how your partner feels, they won't stick around in that situation. TBH, I would have left you too if you couldn't choose me each time. And even if you're mom isn't, and loves her, you need to listen to her, let her talk, and just let her know that you will talk to your mom to get to the bottom of things. Show that you are with her, and she is the priority in your life.

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the thing is i always did side with her over my mum,i even went almost 6 month without speaking to her. im really hoping she comes round as i love her and my dauggter alot but just going to give her time and not contact her.

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so breifly spoke to ex today,i asked if there was any chance i could see my daughter this weekend.she said shes busy all weekend and if she had it her way i woulnt be seeing my daughter atall! where this has come from iv no idea?after almost 3 weeks apart she says she hates me and wants nothing to do with my family.this is just so out of the blue?i told her i wld like to sort things out and that my mum wouldnt be involved(they didnt get on). i honestly think shes finding it difficult with the baby and shes kinda taking it out on me.is this common behaviour for new mums??

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I would say this - if it goes much longer than another week without her contacting you, and you want a relationship with your daughter, I'd start seeking legal advice.

 

The last thing you want is to potentially give ammunition that you didn't make an effort to be in this child's life when a judge is assigning visitation, if the relationship is completely burnt.

 

Log when you've asked to see her and been refused. And get some legal advice, just in case. It doesn't mean it has to go to court, but you do need to start taking steps to protect your rights to be a present parent in your child's life.

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