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Looking for a second opinion


s4mw08

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So I've been talking to a nice girl on OKCupid. After exchanging a few messages we agreed to meet up for a drink but unfortunately the only time that works for both of us is 2 weekends from now.

 

I don't really mind that but I read a few blogs on online dating and they all emphasized that the key to success is to get on a date as soon as possible while the excitement level is high.

 

She gave me her number and we left it that I would text her nearer the time to arrange it.

 

I'm not sure what to do now, I want to keep her excitement up in the run up to the date. Am i better maintaining radio silence for the next week until it's time to arrange a date or texting her a bit in the mean time?

 

I have had similar problems before and found that in my experience, lots of text small talk prior to going on dates and making a real connection with girls can bore them or cause them to get cold feet.

 

Any advice for me?

 

Thank you!

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Between too much text small talk and total radio silence there is a middle ground. If you go off her radar like that, she'll forget you exist. So you do need to maintain some contact. Maybe call her in a few days, text her something funny or nice, or whatever. Don't bombard her, but don't fall off the face of the planet either. Basically, if you can't meet soon, then you maintain some reasonable contact until you do meet.

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Thanks for the reply, I get the point you are making. Dropping off the face of the planet completely doesn't seem to be the answer.

 

What can you really say in a text like that that will actually interest/excite her though? The natural flow of our online conversation has died down now and we haven't met up yet and learnt our common interests or had a few jokes and laughs that you can use.

 

The only things I can think of are kind of nothingy texts which would bore me, let alone a girl.

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i met my boyfriend almost a year ago on POF. When we first started talking I was also talking to about 4 other guys. He stood out because he was CONSISTENT. Good morning texts everyday.... goodnight texts each evening. Chances are, you aren't the only guy she's getting to know. If you feel a real connetion, dont follow any dating rules. Follow your gut and be vulnerable. If you are thinking about her, text her. If u want to talk, call her. Depending on how she reciprocates will let you know if the feelings are mutual. If so, then it will be worth it. I waited a month to meet Tedd, but we talked everyday ( even facetimed) and it only made it that much better to finally meet him in person. Good luck sweetie!

 

Sent from my LG-MS770 using Tapatalk

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What sunshine said - it's not so much about saying something stellar and exciting, it's about being steady and consistent. Also, don't just lean on texts, if you'd like to talk, then call her up just to change things around and get some momentum going. A lot of the times the guys I dated would either make a point of calling every couple of days or a text in the evening asking about my day, etc. It was never particularly involved or anything, but it let me know that they are thinking about me and making an effort and that matters. That first meet is just a first meet. You almost don't want to build up too much to it and create unreasonable expectations, you just want to maintain interest and stay on the radar.

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Eh, I've always hated online dating. In my experience, it just never works. The few times I've ever gotten a girl to respond to me, we would exchange numbers, text a little, agree to meeting up soon, but as soon as I'd try to narrow down a specific time to get together, they just drop off the face of the earth. Never makes any sense to me. Like, why give me your number and entertain the idea of getting together, then just blowing me off as soon as I try to make plans with you? Blah. Whatever. I don't really know what to tell you, man. People are very inconsistent, especially on online dating sites, and there's really no telling if you'll come off as too pushy or too distant until you actually make the mistake, at which point, it's too late.

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Eh, I've always hated online dating. In my experience, it just never works. The few times I've ever gotten a girl to respond to me, we would exchange numbers, text a little, agree to meeting up soon, but as soon as I'd try to narrow down a specific time to get together, they just drop off the face of the earth. Never makes any sense to me. Like, why give me your number and entertain the idea of getting together, then just blowing me off as soon as I try to make plans with you? Blah. Whatever. I don't really know what to tell you, man. People are very inconsistent, especially on online dating sites, and there's really no telling if you'll come off as too pushy or too distant until you actually make the mistake, at which point, it's too late.

 

Yeah I read that this was common. I guess when you're talking to them online and they offer their number they intended to meet up but they change their mind for seemingly no reason. It could be that a cool guy approaches them in a bar and they want to see what happens with him or they just have a bit more time to think about it and get cold feet.

 

That's exactly why I would ideally have met up with her within a few days of first talking to her so then I'd just be into the normal dating game. As things stand I cant help but feel like I have at best a 50/50 chance of this date ever materializing. Bit frustrating.

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i met my boyfriend almost a year ago on POF. When we first started talking I was also talking to about 4 other guys. He stood out because he was CONSISTENT. Good morning texts everyday.... goodnight texts each evening. Chances are, you aren't the only guy she's getting to know. If you feel a real connetion, dont follow any dating rules. Follow your gut and be vulnerable. If you are thinking about her, text her. If u want to talk, call her. Depending on how she reciprocates will let you know if the feelings are mutual. If so, then it will be worth it. I waited a month to meet Tedd, but we talked everyday ( even facetimed) and it only made it that much better to finally meet him in person. Good luck sweetie!

 

Sent from my LG-MS770 using Tapatalk

 

You were actively talking to 5 guys at one time!!! I mean, I know you girls get thousands of emails a day, but damn! How did you manage to not confuse the guys and what you were learning about each of them? lol I sure as hell would have confused details they were telling me. I did that not too long ago, and the girl said "I think you mean the other girl you're talking to." D'oh!

 

I think the most I've ever managed was 3 at a time (talking online) and actively dating 2 at a time for about 6 weeks. And when I was actively dating both girls, I definitely called one by the other's name, though I kept talking quickly and I think it went over her head (luckily or unluckily for me, since I ended up freaking dating her for 5 years). I find that even emailing/texting multiple girls at a time is draining. I like to get to know girls one at a time.

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I can see how that may sound like a lot but I was able to give each of them my undivided attention...at different times throughout the day...and they were all so different so I never had an issue with remembering things. I was genuinely interested in all of them for different reasons, but each of them lacked something, and that's why I didnt close myself off to other men. once i met my now boyfriend, I actually closed my account (before I even met him) and gave him all of my attention.

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I can see how that may sound like a lot but I was able to give each of them my undivided attention...at different times throughout the day...and they were all so different so I never had an issue with remembering things. I was genuinely interested in all of them for different reasons, but each of them lacked something, and that's why I didnt close myself off to other men. once i met my now boyfriend, I actually closed my account (before I even met him) and gave him all of my attention.

 

I hear that. Sounds like you just had 5 good possible candidates at one time. I just don't see how I'd be able to balance that, even for a couple of days. It sounds mentally exhausting, you must've really liked them. And kudos to you for deleting your account before even meeting your now-bf. Seems like you knew he was the one beforehand

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