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home sweet home


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A little background: me and my ex were highschool sweethearts, we grew up together, dated for 8+ years, lived together for 7. In September we broke up after he said he "couldn't do this anymore" and he had feelings for someone else. I found out a few days after that he had been cheating on me with this woman, a co worker who was also in a ltr, longer than ours and has a child. This woman is a lot older than my ex and her child is 10, my ex is 25. They have been seeing each other but can't officially date because they are not allowed to date coworkers. His family are so disappointed in his actions.

 

We were literally days away from moving into a new apartment (his mothers) when he broke up with me. I have been living with my sister and her husband ever since. But this apartment is tiny, im still living out of suitcases. His mother still has a lot of my things but she said she would hold on to them for me until I found a bigger place.

 

Im a university student and therefore im pretty broke. My sister has been so kind and not charged me rent. But her and her husband are newly weds and looking for their first own home together to buy not rent. My sister is fine with me staying with them even in the new place.

 

But I feel so ...useless. I lived with my ex since I was 18. Im the youngest in my family and my mother doesnt think im capable of living independantly. Shes happy im living with my sister and now shes trying to make me move in with my cousin who has just bought a house ...but I don't think my cousin wants that and neither do I.

 

I really want to move on. Ive looked at many ads for flatshares, viewed many of them too. On Sunday I fell in love with an apartment after I went to view it, the girls living there were nice too but I didn't get the place as they gave it to a friend. This has really upset me.

 

Now im looking for flats and I can't find any. I also dont want to live near my ex, his work and university.

 

I feel the next stage in my recovery is to have a new place as living here with sister makes me feel like a hopeless lost puppy.

 

Ive been nc with my ex since early november (apart from 1 merry xmas text) and when i feel like ive healed it always comes crashing down that im still living with my sister. I feel almost embarassed by it.

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I am so sorry to hear that. It must have been utterly devastating after so many years, so many shared memories and ultimately betrayal. You poor thing.

 

I hope you can see that this will be a very temporary situation for you. It is totally okay in a period of transition!

 

My 2013 was the worst year in my life. My family went to pieces. My health suffered and depression worsened. In october I bought an apartment after some absurd things happening, and two days after I got the mortgage I was fired on the spot by someone who turned out to be a sociopath. I wanted to ask the girl I love to move in with me this Christmas, but she left me at my lowest (I fully understand her) on Dec 14th after slipping away for some time.

 

Even though I have my own place now, I have been living with my brother since she left. I am not yet strong enough to be alone. It is hell, but this will be temporary. And I admit I need both help and support. I too feel hopeless and pathetic. But it is how it is.

 

You are still studying. You WILL find a nice (or OK) solution in your living situation. Just accept this right now, you will muddle through and you have nothing to be ashamed about.

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5 years ago I found out my ex was cheating on me and we broke up. We didn't live together but about 1 week later I lost my housing (I was also a student) because I had been expecting money from a government loan that didn't come in...I moved in with my sister, who is a nutcase but was nice enough to make me in. She had a 1 bedroom basement apart and I lived in her large closet which was under a set of stairs. we joked I lived like harry potter. It was a nightmare and I cried a lot for about 3 months. I also had like no friends.

 

I wallowed for awhile...things got pretty bad and I reached out for help as I start contemplating suicide...my mom, who doesn't have much money and lives far away, paid for therapy. My therapist recommended I try to have some fun...I started working at a restaurant to try to meet ppl and make $. Things improved right away...after about 4 months I got an apt with a girl I knew who was also looking for a place. 5 years later my life is exponentially better. I finished school, I own a home, I live with my fiance who would never even look at another girl.

 

This is a garbage time for you...but I think things will get better. I would encourage you to seek help from those around you and don't feel like such a burden. Allow yourself to swallow your pride and rely on your sister. If they want you out, they will tell you...don't worry about that...In fact, I'd recommend staying with them for as long as u can...you are lucky to have them as a resource. Talk to your sister about this so you can understand her perspective. My other advice to you would be to try to have fun (best advice I ever received) and to work hard as that is the only way out of this place financially. Good luck to you.

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I don't think you should feel embarrassed. It is not as if you forced the situation on yourself. You were suppose to move in with your ex who betrayed you and now you are left to work your own situation out. I was a college student as well and I got kicked out of housing (reasons that don't need any dwelling so I understand the feeling of being broke and having to live with friends/family members.

 

Having your own place costs money and till you can get to the point where you can rent one on your own I think living with your sister is a good idea. And it is very nice how supportive she is. I would look at this phase as just a temporary bump and not reflective on you as a person. Work hard, study hard, have fun when you can and you will turn out fine. Best of luck

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