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Ignored and Forgotten?


xMorningStarx

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I've been with my girlfriend for almost a year. We were set up by mutual friends and hit it off immediately. She has two children who I adore, and get on well with my daughter too. We've talked about moving in together eventually, and we've never fallen out or argued. Everything is going brilliantly, she loves me and I love her, and we are very compatible. She has a medical condition that sometimes can put her in hospital for a few days and then needs a bit of time to recover afterwards. It's something I knew going in and something that i have experienced in my family life as well so I knew what I was getting in to. I promised that I would love and support her through it all, and that's what I have done.

 

Anyway, at the end of November she had to go into hospital again but this time it was for almost a month. She got out after Christmas and then has stayed at her mums since. I understand that as it's for the kids more than anything, and I've been through to see her whenever I could (visited and helped out every day bar one she was in hospital). Now I totally get that she's not ready to go back home yet as she's still suffering mildly, but I can't help but feel slightly forgotten about.

 

I feel incredibly selfish, as her and the kids (and of course my own child) are always and rightfully the priority. But we barely speak and have had no time to ourselves for about 6 weeks. I'm trying to be supportive but everyone else has got her back and she has just seemed to gone a bit cold with me. I miss her loads, but she seems fine with not being able to talk to me and see me. I know she's rightfully thinking of herself and her children, but i wish that she would at least acknowledge that I'm here still waiting for things to get back to normal. We used to send sweet messages to each other, even when she was in hospital, but now she's out she basically ignores them. I feel like I've just been essentially dropped from her life and I've not got the memo. I've tried talking to her about it, but she just says she's too busy and that things will improve when she gets home. I'm not too sure to be honest.

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It sounds like she's either lost interest in you or just takes you for granted and won't put in much effort. When you care about someone there's always a way to show them they're on your mind..a text message only takes a few seconds to send...same goes for a phonecall to tell a loved one you miss them.

Not much you can do for the time being except wait until she gets back home. But when that happens, if the same treatment continues, I would walk out.

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I agree with missmarple.

 

Give her the space and the time to do what she says she will do. Then re-evaluate. You've had the talk and made your concerns known. She will have to prove that she cares about them when she can.

 

I agree with you that a few words or a text hear can make all the difference and that things are trending down. But you want to know for sure.

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You said you believe that kids should be the priority, but you don't actually believe it. Do you realize how traumatic it can be for children when your mom is in the hospital for a month!! It's a total nerve-wracking whirl-wind to deal with, and on top of trying to get your life back to some semblance of normalcy, she also has to propped up her boyfriend now?

 

You just may not be a right fit for each other. You may need someone who doesn't have these medical hiccups, or kids. I mean, she's still sick (suffering)...I'd cut her some slack, and go visit, and see friends, family, or hang out with your own kid. I doubt what's going on is about you - it's the fact, it's recovering, and she's got to tend to her kids.

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I know it's traumatic for them, I've been through the same before. Look I understand why things have to be the way they are, and I visited her tonight and she has expressed her regret that I've been left behind. It's not a question of why she was doing this and 'hey it's all about me' or anything like that. I was just wondering if it was wrong that I felt I've been taken for granted after all I've done to help her get back on her feet. That's all. I'm trying to deal with my guilt over feeling that way not make myself into the victim because I'm not at all.

 

We will be fine, I just miss the normality, and it's hard having to wait on the sidelines.

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