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There's a girl who has always been a part of me and my ex's relationship. They were together for a short while before me, but she ended it because she knew he liked me as well and said he should be with me. I thought nothing of it. Me and my ex got back together twice, and she was always involved in the fall out.

 

The first time, she told him she 'still' loved him. He had said it back during their short relationship, and he'd told me he only did to please her. After finding out how she still felt about him, I was dumped, but then we reconciled within 2 days.

 

The next time, he told me he didn't love me anymore. We were separate for four days. During this time, she would message me saying to get over him, and I'd be okay on my own. When she discovered we were getting back together she was blatantly rude to me and said she didn't care anymore.

 

And finally there is this time. We broke up, he said I had 'too many problems' and he 'needed to focus on school'. This then turned into him not loving me anymore. I find out less then a week after the break up they were going out together, the park he took me on our first date. They have been to each others houses as well. I discover they are family friends, their parents went to school with each other. If it was that he needed to focus on school, then he wouldn't be asking her out. And, she isn't without her fair share of problems, you just don't see the problems until you get to know someone.

 

She told me she always cared about him, and he always said did he cared about her too. They always said they were each others best friends. He's asked her out multiple occasions, and she said no because it wasn't fair on me. I've told them to be with each other if they want, make each other happy. She said thank you for me 'letting go'.

 

During our relationship, I cried to him about how she had more in common with him, and how I was scared of him falling for her. He reassured me, but he had already fallen. He liked us both but I was the one stupid enough to say yes. I was never good enough, he just put up with me and had her constantly on standby. I wondered why he got so protective of their Facebook messages. (When I'd be playing on his iPod, and shed message him and he'd snatch if off me).

 

I feel such an idiot. He couldn't be straight with me, he thought I wouldn't care. Why did I even bother, he always liked her. She was always better. He always laughed at her jokes, and talked about her in front of me. I seriously give up. I hate it because I still want him to be happy, and if that means being with her then okay. I blame myself for not being good enough, for not giving him enough attention. It's my fault.

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From what you've written there's nothing there to say it was because you 'weren't good enough'. It looks like it was doomed from the start because she had a hold on him. Actually you could have picked up very early on that it wasn't a good idea to be with him. You could have walked away early on but you set yourself up to get hurt by hanging in there even though he liked the two of you and even though he told you he didn't love you. It's a bit of a worry that all that wasn't enough to put you off him. I'm not trying to be mean, it just worries me that you might not learn from this and might continue to not read the signs which tell you if someone is serious about you or not. Why did you stick around despite feeling that he preferred you? Don't stick around in such a situation. Don't give your love away before you know it's reciprocated. He shouldn't have led you on, either. It doesn't make you an idiot, it just makes you young!

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I guess he supported me a lot, and I was in a vunerable situation so I relied on him for a while. He could be so caring, and I didn't stand up for myself. I fell for the good bits and really ignored the bad bits. He had a way with words. I wasn't in a position to stand up for myself. I should've got out a long time ago

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You aren't useless and you have always been good enough. The issue is that he can't be with both of you at the same time and he wants to. Both of you are really good and that's why he's bouncing between you two.

 

Here's what's been happening:

 

He starts going out with your friend. He realizes he likes you while he's with her and she notices. This is a problem for her, she can't have him liking you. She tells him that if he likes you then he should go with you and breaks up with him. What she wanted was him to say that he likes her way more and for him to plead to get back together. Instead he actually goes with you, which hurts her pride, because he's picking you over her. So she ups her game and talks with him and eventually tells him she loves him. So then he says he loves her back and then breaks up with you to be with her, because although he likes you and you like him, she said she loves him so the obvious choice is her.

 

Going back to her doesn't solve the original problem. Because he still likes you and she doesn't like that. So in two days she is unsuccessful in stopping him from liking you and her most likely negative actions plus you being nice to him cause him to go back to you. During the time he was with her, she tried to help you get over him so that you wouldn't like him back. And if you didn't, then he wouldn't like you back either and she could finally have him for herself. Instead you two reconciled.

 

This situation is really bad. If you don't love him, I would recommend leaving him. You are good, you are really really good. Good enough to have him like you while he's in a relationship with his best friend. Good enough that when she bluffs a break up, he actually goes with you. Good enough that he goes back to you after breaking up with you and being with her for 4 days even though she was trying to get him back the entire time he was with you.

 

The fact that both of you like him is going to create problems for him. All relationships go up and down, but now he's going to regret the one he didn't go with when his relationship is down. She's not helping at all by being his friend because she keeps pulling him when he's with you, and pushing him away when he's with her.

 

If he were to get married to her and stay with her for 50 years, he would still wonder what it would've been like if he had gone with you instead. If he could go back in time and go with you, just to see how that would've worked out, because he wants you too and can't have both. And the same would probably be true if he went with you.

 

Anyway, so are you clear on the fact that you have never been worthless?

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