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Hi guys,

 

I would really appreciate your advice and opinion. Here is my situation: I have been dating this guy for 9 months. (but for 2 months he was travelling and out of country). Anyway, we had a lot of problems from the beginning but somehow always worked it out. I had enough at one point (as well as he did) but I felt something strong is keeping us together in spite of everything. Finally, a month ago things started going much better. We spend a lot of great time together and couldn't wait to see each other. (though I have to admit I still have my insecurities and fears when it comes to him, as we are never so open about our emotions).

So a week ago I was staying over at his house and in the middle of the night I reached for my phone to reply to few text messages. In the morning he told me that he wasn't ok with me "texting the whole night". I apologized and tried to explain what it was about. Then I suggested to come over the next evening and he agreed. But when I got there he was in a bad mood, didn't really kiss me or anything and I felt ignored, got upset and said it wasn't such a good idea to come over and want to leave (which I did).

We never talked about this accident and just acted as it never happened. Few days aft we went out again, ended up at his place and (again) similar scenario. I left in the middle of the night. (I guess I was trying to get his reaction, to see how much he cares and I admit pretty childish behavior).

 

And here is the outcome: He said he had enough and it would be the best to stop seeing each other. I tried to apologize, to explain that it was because of my insecurities. I told him how much I care about him. he said he cares too but " no reason to torture each other anymore". After few of similar responses I accepted it.

However, after one day passed without hearing from each other, he texted me in the morning that it was so cold outside and I should dress warm if going to work and we exchanged few texts. Today is the third day since break up.

My question is: Is there any any slightest chance i can get him back? I feel devastated and don't know what to do. I guess guys are serious when they say it is over but now I am wondering why he texted me yesterday about such unimportant thing. Is there anything else I can do? (I already apologized)

And don't tell me to let it go because this is the first time I am really, completely happy with someone.

 

Thank you so much for taking your time to read this.

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Yes, there's a chance, there is always a chance. I wouldn't want to guess percentages though, because I can't see inside this guy's head!

 

Would you be able to have a conversation with him and ask?

 

For me, it seems weird that he would tell you one day "its best to stop seeing each other/not to torture each other anymore" and then 48 hours later he's sending you texts about it being cold and you should dress up warm.

 

for you to accept its over, do you need to hear the words "it's over" from him?

and also... for you, if its over, do you also need him to not send you "dress up warm out there" or other texts?

 

And also... I am curious that you said in the beginning you and he had a few issues but you worked them out. Might their be anything he still might consider not resolved satisfactorily from that period? (I'm just guessing). Part of me thinks if you overcame some obstacles in your history, that might make your relationship more solid, but if there are still things hanging around from that period... they could come back to bite you later.

 

Take care and all best wishes.

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What was so important that you had to text in the middle of the night to someone else while in his bed?

 

Good point there. FWIW, I know that I personally would find that uncomfortable-making if I woke up in the night and my gf was texting other people

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Thank you for your fast reply and actually a really good one.

 

you are right it is weird that he texted me over weather and that is why I am trying to read more into these texts but still want to be careful and not over analyse it.

I don't need to exactly hear the words it is over, I guess if he doesn't contact me for few weeks i will accept it. But yes, if he sends me texts that seem just as an excuse to text me then I do get some hopes it is not over and then it is more difficult.

I think we resolved all the issues we had and the main problem is that we are both so closed when it comes to emotions. I never told him how I feel about him (and I guess he is insecure as well). He even told me I saw our relationship as "*hitty" for the past few months which is absolutely wrong. I enjoyed the past month and was so happy (though couldn't relax completely).

 

Thanks again I really appreciate your answer.

Take care

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As for the phone... well I guess I am a fool but again something bad is going on in my life right now and it could have waited till morning but I was so upset.

And I know it is hard for him to believe it was texting to solve my problems and not flirting or who knows what he thinks...

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Unless someone is dying there is no need to answer a text in the middle of the night.

 

By bf and I turn off our phones when we are together. There is nothing more important than being in the moment when we are together. The only exception was a 6 month period when my mother was dying and I was the #1 contact.

 

Friends can wait, family can wait...until morning. I think your actions with regard to middle of night texts would give him reason to believe it is another guy...or ex.

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