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Hello everyone!

I am new to this website, and I was hoping someone here could give me some insights with my situation, as it has become a burden to me (and to other people). I am not sure it is the right thread but figured it would be more appropriate here.


So, I am a foreign student here in the US. I arrived here about 6 months ago, and have been having a lot of problems adapting, as the culture is very different from my home country and I came alone. I am telling that because one of my few friends is my roommate, she's about 12 years older than me (she's in late 30s). I really like her and we hit it off since I moved in, even with deep conversations.

About 3 months in, I noticed I was starting to fall in love with her. I have never had a relationship with a woman before and considering the moment I was in, I decided I would try to pursue it. She dresses like a man, has a lot of interests that are typically male, talks like a guy... so it felt like "walks like a duck, swims like a duck, quacks like a duck, it's a duck", which means, it's a no-brainer.


She kept telling me she only liked guys, but still, my feelings grew more and more each day. To the point I almost exploded, so I tried to comically tell her I liked her. Since she didn't say anything at all (maybe she thought I was joking?) I talked to her and said explicitly that I liked her and thought she was hot. She only replied that she "wouldn't be a good girlfriend", there was absolutely nothing like "hey, I don't like girls, remember?". And ok, that's it. Christmas break. I travelled overseas and when I was very drunk I texted her saying that I had fallen for her. After that, silence.


In the end, I came home yesterday, just to find that she is not feeling confortable with the situation, and even though she said she was going to forget what happened, she told our other roommate just a few minutes later about what happened (without details). And that's when I decided to look for help, because more people are getting involved and I don't want it to become a snowball.


I don't know what to do. I know that you can't really force someone to feel the same, especially when it involves same sex relationships, but I can't move on from her... She makes me feel complete at all times, even though she has severe anxiety disorders and a very difficult person. It is the only person I truly care about in this country and we live together, I have to see her everyday. I thought she was my friend and that she also liked me as a friend at least, but after this, I think she never truly cared about me, because if she did, she would try to forget this and still be my friend.


So, please, could you help me?

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Someone texts you saying they've fallen for you.... thats a big deal.


You came back yesterday, and the situation is uncomfortable now.


I imagine you both are feeling unsettled by what's been said. Maybe this other girl doesn't have feelings for you, or maybe there is a chance she might have feelings for you (they may not be the ones you want her to have about you!), but is uncomfortable about them.


What do you think your options are from here?

It may also be helpful to try and imagine what your friend is thinking about what her options could be in this situation also.


There are probably other folks on here who can give more perspectives.


good luck and take care.

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Thank you john45.

In the end, she might end up needing to leave here next month as she was just kicked out of the program, which means we probably won't ever see each other again after that.


What I don't get is how a text saying I fell for her is that different from saying it in a comical way before. If you don't feel anything for the person (in case me), would that affect as much as it apparently did?

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She took the first comment as a joke and the text as you were not accepting that she isn't a lesbian. Huge difference.


Note to self...when in doubt, don't jeopardize your living situation by confessing attraction to your housemate.

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