Jump to content

Recommended Posts

Sorry this is so long. My ex boyfriend broke up with me in May. I've been chasing him for the last 6 months. We almost got back together 3 or 4 times but I ruined everything, he's lost the attraction after me acting needy and pushy etc. In October I started dating someone (I only had 4 dates with him) and it seems my ex boyfriend got upset by this..but it's now got to the point where he's said there's absolutely no hope for us anymore. He's recently told me straight up theres no chance for us. He's always just wanted to date other people casually but a couple of days ago he set his dating profile to "looking for a relationship" for the first time since we broke up. For the first time ever I feel like he's not coming back. I'm kicking myself for chasing. I know for a fact if I hadn't chased I could have got him back. But 6 months is a long time and I feel like such an idiot for begging!! The plan was to completely cut him off for the next few months and let him do his thing with other girls and wait for him to miss me. But stupidly I've sent him some messages tonight saying that I'm gonna work on myself for the next few months and Ill come and find him in a few months and maybe we can start over. So basically for the next few months he's gonna be thinking I'm waiting around for him still, so going no contact now is pretty pointless if he knows he can have me in the future anyway! I'm pretty sure he thinks I'll be doing all this "changing" and "working on myself" for HIM. How the hell can I get the attraction back and make him really miss me again after all this?? I know there's a part of him that still cares and he's admitted that I have a lovely side to me that he loves but I also have a **** side to me that will never work and we just don't "click" together. I can't even think straight anymore I've completely lost who I am I'm just terrified of him moving on! I shouldn't have chased! He slept with a few people in august/September and when I found out I was so upset I didn't respond to his texts..then he texted more and more. I could have easily got him back but it really has got to the point where I've bombarded him so much to the point where he can't wait for me to move on. He's 23 and I was his first girlfriend, he's now gone "wild" having sex constantly, always on the dating site, getting a tattoo etc. I don't even recognise him anymore.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Oh, girl...You've made the biggest error...Gave over the last bit of power you had.

 

He's told you there's no chance of the two of you ever getting back together. Believe him and let go. That's how you get your power back - reject him in kind.

 

Have you read the book The Rules? It's written in a sort of shallow way, but the message is clear enough: Act with dignity and confidence, set higher standards for yourself and hold others to a higher standard, don't allow your life to be ruled by the whims of others. It's empowering and that's what you need more than anything right now - to feel empowered.

 

Good luck...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I fully understand your pain, and the desire to make it work. But it sounds like things are getting toxic and preventing you from growth. You're trying to hold on instead of moving forward into the unknown. It's gone now, and really out of your hands. Take advantage of the fact that there's nothing you can do and just let it go. There's nothing you've done to make it better, and there's nothing you're going to do now. Try and find peace, you will be just fine.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

So stop it already with the contact. Right this very minute delete him off of everything, block him, you go out and you heal. It's over if he wants to date other women anyways and you can't keep running back to him arguing that now you've changed. You need to put some serious distance between this guy and you, not to make him miss you, but to get your head on straight. At this stage of the game you need to focus on you and why you are so desperate for someone who doesn't want you that you will act in ways you know will guarentee he won't want you anywhere near. Work on your own self-esteem and happiness, you won't find those things with this guy anyways. Or any other guy for that matter since those are things you share with another, they don't give it to you without you also bringing these things to the table.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You're choosing to remain in the safe mode of denial, rather than take the road to acceptance. When all is said and done, we all get to the point of understanding that if they wanted to be with you, they would.

 

Slow down, look at the big picture, and be kind to yourself.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thank you for the replies everyone, I appreciate it. Now my question is, how can I stop feeling this way?? Going out with friends and distracting myself isn't enough..I've been breaking down on a daily basis for the last 7 months..and I mean properly breaking down. I've had serious relationships before but I am so deeply in love with this guy...I would still do absolutely anything for him. He's said we can see each other as friends even if Im seeing someone else and we were texting as friends every day, but each time I end up bombarding him with messages and always end up mentioning a second chance. So clearly I'm not ready to be friends yet... He just confuses me cos we met as friends 2 months ago had a really nice meal and he even held back tears when he mentioned the guy I had 4 dates with..he cried when I cried over him having sex with people and he gave me a big cuddle and said he wanted to take me out for another meal soon..I'm close to his mum and she told me to try not to bring up the past and get upset anymore cos he's thinking of taking you out again and he needs to see that the changes are permanent.. Then the next day he's on the dating site etc...He doesn't think he's doing anything wrong at all and I get that he's single he can do what he likes but it confuses me so much cos it's like he does really like me, just hides it?? ANYWAY what will be will be I know and yes I need to let go of all hope for now..I'm just trying so hard to remind myself of the bad times but each time, my heart wins and all I can think about are all the good times, and there were soooo many. My question is how do I stop reminiscing on all the good times, I just want to block it all out I'm desperate but 7 months on and it stills feels just as fresh as it did on day one of the break up...in fact it feels much worse..

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...