breyes90 Posted January 7, 2014 Share Posted January 7, 2014 I feel so horrible. I don't know what to do with myself to make all this pain stop. We were together nine months and I stupidly fell in love with him. To put a little more background into the story I met him because he works at the Starbucks by my house but he lives about 30 minutes away two cities away from me and his work. When I met him I didn't really know him or knew anyone who was a mutual friend of ours. But he was handsome and charming and we had so much in common. In our relationship we fought because I felt his friends were disrespectful and sometimes he didn't respect boundaries I had. When I broke it off the first time he went right ahead and had sex with a mutual friend he and his best girl friend had. I was really upset but was dumb enough not to consider that cheating since we technically weren't together. I agreed to be in a relationship again after he begged and charmed me again afterwards and he promised to cut contact with the girl. I broke it off Saturday after being on and off for over a month and trying to work things out. The last two weeks we had settled the reasons we were having so many problems and I came to believe that he was going to change because of all the sweet things he did and said. He spent so much time with me these last few weeks but I kept seeing strange messages on his phone. I looked thru his phone Saturday around midnight and saw that he had contacted someone and was looking to have a 3some the next night. I was disgusted and devastated and finally broke it off for good. He's been texting me everyday since then telling me he loves me and that he hopes I can forgive him one day. I don't ever reply. I just want to do no contact and get over him. Before blocking him off social media I looked a his profile and saw that within hours after I broke it off he was following the girl he had sex with the first time I broke it off. I was dumb enough just now to look thru his email to see exactly how sketchy he really was when we were together. What I saw horrified me and disgusted me even more. He has several online profiles looking to hook up with "feminine but well endowed" transsexuals. He messaged many and gave them his number the entire time we were together and sent them pictures of himself on his phone from what the profiles said. Ive been crying hysterically since then and am beyond devastated. I contacted him right now after finding out and showed him the snapshot I took on my iPhone of his tsdating profile and ts booty call profile where he describes the sickening things he is into. He kept texting me right now that he loves me and that those profiles are old and inactive. I blocked his number just now and don't want to ever see or talk to him again. I'm going to the drs right now to get checked out for all kinds of diseases to see if he gave me anything from the countless number of people he has probably been with. I just don't know how to make this pain stop. I feel stupid and disgusted with myself for having feelings for him. I am 23 but have been cheated on twice already by two men that I thought loved and cared about me. My high school sweetheart at least cheated on me with a girl he is still with to this day. But this guy cheated on me wth so many others. He only admitted to one. But I know it was so many others-females, transgendered men.... I am devastated but I at least don't feel like my self esteem went down. My goal for the four break ups I've had since I was 16 has been to become more attractive and a better person on the inside -and it's always worked out that way. But I am just devastated right now and scared about contacting any diseases from this perverted jerk. I am beyond disgusted with him. I guess this post has just been a rant and I'm trying to calm down somewhat. My thoughts right now or whether I should contact his parents who he still lives with and show them the disgusting profiles I saw. I feel like he seriously needs a lot of help. Also I want to contact the girl he was involved with when I broke it off the first time and show her how disgusting and filthy he really is. They dated for a week and I know they had sex and now that he is back in her social media sites I know he's going to Try to make a move. And I just want to warn her about him before he makes another move on her. I want to do this not because I don't want him with anyone but rather because I wish someone had warned me about who this guy really is. This pain will subside someday I know. It really does hurt and I feel devastated disgusted hurt humiliated angry .... I feel so many emotions and my lack of close friends is just making me feel like this situation is even worse. Someone please help me get thru this. I don't understand why anyone would deserve to be cheated on twice already being so young and all. Don't make me feel even more stupid for forgiving all the he did. Just help me through this pain. This is a worse feeling than being cheated on.... Link to comment
chr8st8na Posted January 7, 2014 Share Posted January 7, 2014 It's good you are going to get yourself tested. Sorry to hear I really think that when you look back, there were signs that this guy did not love you or respect you. You have to learn and pick up the red flags when its in your face. This relationship, going from ur posts, look dysfunctional from the beginning. This guy does need help and i think if you feel this guy needs help because he has mental issues then yes, feel free to talk to his parents but showing them his sex profiles might be too much for them to bare. You have to ask yourself is it worth breaking the parents' heart.... Link to comment
patterned Posted January 7, 2014 Share Posted January 7, 2014 I'm sorry you're going though this. No you don't deserve this treatment. His actions have nothing to do with you. It's going to hurt for a while, and it's important to just let it move through you. Be kind to yourself, and get some resources, build your social network. Link to comment
breyes90 Posted January 8, 2014 Author Share Posted January 8, 2014 It's good you are going to get yourself tested. Sorry to hear I really think that when you look back, there were signs that this guy did not love you or respect you. You have to learn and pick up the red flags when its in your face. This relationship, going from ur posts, look dysfunctional from the beginning. This guy does need help and i think if you feel this guy needs help because he has mental issues then yes, feel free to talk to his parents but showing them his sex profiles might be too much for them to bare. You have to ask yourself is it worth breaking the parents' heart.... Yes I already feel horrible for not having followed my instinct on this one. However, I did not see the whole with with him having transexual desires until today when I found out. I texted his mother and told her that I am really scared that her son may have given me an STD and that he really does need a lot of help and maybe therapy. She still hasnt replied. As for the girl he had sex with the first time I broke it off, I am still unsure of whether I should let her know or not what a creep he really is. But as I already said, if someone had known this about him I wish they would have told me... Link to comment
mhowe Posted January 8, 2014 Share Posted January 8, 2014 I think texting his mother was unnecessary... and beyond getting tested you need to shut the door on him and his family. Until you knew the results of the test there was no need to involve anyone else. Link to comment
duke nukem Posted January 8, 2014 Share Posted January 8, 2014 I agree with mhowe. Also, I don't think the problem is him looking for transexuals, but for him not respecting you or being committed to the relationship. Link to comment
Iggles Posted January 8, 2014 Share Posted January 8, 2014 Perhaps it's not constructive, but nowadays people love to ignore/blame the messenger unless they're provided with concert proof, so if you want to warn the next girl send her a screenshot of his profiles. Also if you have an email or text where he confirmed it was his then send to those too (when he claimed they were old/inactive he confirmed it!). I'd leave his parents out of it going forward. If asked by friends why you broke up, I'd see no reason to mince words and would offer the truth. I see no problem with putting people on blast when they deserve it. Better to do that than give liars the chance to lie about you and turn people against you. Link to comment
breyes90 Posted January 8, 2014 Author Share Posted January 8, 2014 I agree with mhowe. Also, I don't think the problem is him looking for transexuals, but for him not respecting you or being committed to the relationship. There is something seriously off with him. I feel incredibly stupid that I didn't see the warning signs but looking at his email it's obvious he was addicted to porn and I'm thinking maybe even sex. His parents needed to know that his son is incredibly sexually deviant and is in need of serious help! He was Never with me- he always was normal with me. Never suggested anything strange. But his profiles describe him as being into all kinds of disgusting sexual activities and he actually paid lots of money in membership fees to porn sites and sites specifically dedicated to hooking up with transsexuals. He needs help!!! Link to comment
lerenard Posted January 8, 2014 Share Posted January 8, 2014 It is good you are over with him, you deserve a lot better. It is also great you will get tested. But his profiles describe him as being into all kinds of disgusting sexual activities and he actually paid lots of money in membership fees to porn sites and sites specifically dedicated to hooking up with transsexuals. He needs help!!! We all have our strange fantasies, but he can hook up with whomever he wants, its none of your business now, and you are nobody to "help" him now or tell his parents. He is an adult - he does what he wants and who he wants. Link to comment
mhowe Posted January 8, 2014 Share Posted January 8, 2014 There is something seriously off with him. I feel incredibly stupid that I didn't see the warning signs but looking at his email it's obvious he was addicted to porn and I'm thinking maybe even sex. His parents needed to know that his son is incredibly sexually deviant and is in need of serious help! He was Never with me- he always was normal with me. Never suggested anything strange. But his profiles describe him as being into all kinds of disgusting sexual activities and he actually paid lots of money in membership fees to porn sites and sites specifically dedicated to hooking up with transsexuals. He needs help!!! Liking porn does not make him a sexual deviant. Putting up a profile about fetishes and reading the responses doesn't make him a sexual deviant. And since you have no idea if he actually hooked up with anyone.... He is an adult and you really overstepped your bounds by sharing his sex life with his parents. Whether he needs help is debateable. What you need to do is mind your own business. Link to comment
breyes90 Posted January 8, 2014 Author Share Posted January 8, 2014 Liking porn does not make him a sexual deviant. Putting up a profile about fetishes and reading the responses doesn't make him a sexual deviant. And since you have no idea if he actually hooked up with anyone.... He is an adult and you really overstepped your bounds by sharing his sex life with his parents. Whether he needs help is debateable. What you need to do is mind your own business. Excuse me but I said he is ADDICTED to porn. Much like I think he is ADDICTED to having sex with different people. This is much more different than liking porn or really liking sex! And he did admit to me yesterday before I blocked his number for good that he had met up with these people on his dating profile but said it had "been a while" since that happened which I know is a lie. I know he continuously did this while he and I were together. Sending all these people msgs on the HOOKING up accounts, agreeing where to meet, giving them his number, sending pictures....everything! This does not even account for all the girls he was messing around with at the time he and I were together. When someone has a SEXUAL ADDICTION and can potentially put someone else's health in danger by contacting an STD then I need to speak up to someone close to him who can actually talk to him. Perfectly alright to have a sexual fetish and all. But when it's this many partners and he is trying to move on and possibly start another relationship with someone else to supposedly get over me (like he tried doing the first time I broke up with him) then I would at least like someone to know what he's really about to prevent them from being in so much pain and hurt like I am at the moment. I did not overstep any boundaries. I didn't show the parents any accounts or any of that stuff. Simply told his mother that her son needs help because he is addicted to sex with all kinds of people-specifically transexuals. I am done digging into his life. I blocked him off everything for good. I simply wanted to help him in order to prevent the same situation I am in from happening to anyone else. He kept texting me he loves me... Even after I discovered all of the stuff he's been doing. Just the other day he said he wanted to impregnate me....there is something off with this guy and I feel stupid for not realizing how off he really is. This feels like the worst type of cheating and betrayal. I feel so filthy for ever being with him and being attracted to him. I feel disgusted with myself and feel like the dumbest person in the world for not realizing how messed up he is-but he did a VERY good job of hiding it. I've cry uncontrollably sometimes to the point where I hurt and ache everywhere and I just end up wanting to throw up. The cries are so painful by the time I'm done I have a terrible headache and my entire body is so tired that I end up falling asleep after doing this quite often. Being cheated on by hs sweetheart with the girl he is still with today is not as bad as being cheated on by a guy who I feel couldn't contain his sexual desires at all. I know from all he did that he never loved me. But he did a REALLY good job of making it seem like he did. So the tough part is knowing that he's told everyone that I'm the love of his life-this is how he always introduced me to everyone- yet feeling as if I wasn't good enough for him to stop what he was doing or to get help for his addiction. And seeing all the msgs and pictures and meetups he has planned sometime in the future on those transexual hooking accounts it's obvious he will not stop until someone gets him help. Link to comment
mhowe Posted January 8, 2014 Share Posted January 8, 2014 And all of this is because you feel betrayed. Heck, since you already told his parents, why not tell the police and contact the center for disease control? He is an adult. No one can help him if he doesn't want to stop. What he is doing may be unhealthy for him, but it is not illegal. I get you are angry and feeling duped. That kind of goes without saying. Link to comment
breyes90 Posted January 10, 2014 Author Share Posted January 10, 2014 Well despite the fact that I told his mom what sort of things he is into he does not stop with the contact. He does not stop texting me at least once or twice everyday asking me to forgive him and telling me that he loves me and that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. He said what he has is a "weird perversion" and that he will stop doing that for me because he doesnt need that in his life. Then the other day he brought me my favorite starbucks drinks and left it on my doorstep for me to find in the morning with writing all over it about how much he loves me and all this other crap. He keeps texting me but I only replied once telling him that I know he does not love me or else he wouldnt have repeatedly lied, betrayed, disrespected me and cheated on me. Yet even though I told him he needs to leave me alone he keeps contacting me and asking for forgiveness. I started seeing a therapist at my university who is going to help me attain enough mental stability to finish my last semester in college. I just don't understand why he has to make this even more difficult on me by contacting me to tell me he loves me and not letting me be alone and get over him.... Link to comment
pl3asehelp Posted January 10, 2014 Share Posted January 10, 2014 You told his parents! Unbelievable. Link to comment
Dragunov-21 Posted January 10, 2014 Share Posted January 10, 2014 So block him. Unless you have a Nok-Blok from the 90s there are plenty of callscreening apps available. Tell him in no uncertain terms that if he continues to hang around your house and attempt to contact you, you will report him for harassment. If he continues, report him for harassment. This. His behaviour is completely unacceptable. So is the fact you you continue to involve yourself in his affairs and out his personal activities to his parents. Link to comment
lerenard Posted January 15, 2014 Share Posted January 15, 2014 I just don't understand why he has to make this even more difficult on me by contacting me to tell me he loves me and not letting me be alone and get over him.... well, maybe its because you wanted to make it even more difficult for yourself by sticking your nose into it and telling his MOM. how would you feel if your ex told your mom all the details of your sexual life? I know you are hurting because he cheated, but that was not wise. I am done digging into his life. I blocked him off everything for good. I simply wanted to help him in order to prevent the same situation I am in from happening to anyone else. yes you are. and I am sorry, but you are nobody to "help" him to prevent something from happening in his future. you need to mind your own, not his. and if you had blocked him for good, how is it you still get his messages? write him you will report harassment if he wont leave you alone and then REALLY block his number/facebook or anything you have left from him. Link to comment
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