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How do i deal with the silent treatment?


AmyeMae

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I've been with my bf for about a year and a half now and starting 2 weeks ago he's been giving me the silent treatment. I have no idea why he disappeared but he won't respond to my calls or texts. I've called every few days and nothing. What do I do? I've never been in this situation before.

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I'm sure he's fine. I know he's read my texts at least. We both have iphones and he has his read time stamp option on.

 

 

I'm not going to call/text anymore. I think I made enough attempts. At this point i"m just going to work on moving on. But still, I wish I knew why. I suppose at this point I never will know

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A little less then a year and a half

 

If he wanted to break up I would have thought he'd at least have the courtesy to let me know

 

You just found out how incredibly selfish, inconsiderate and flat out cruel he is, not to mention immature. Talking to you and breaking up would be too unpleasant for him to handle, so he just walked away. Assuming he walked away for good. Could also be that he is trying to punish, although I doubt it. Regardless, you don't look at something like that from the "what did I do to deserve this" perspective. Your only fault is that you let him be a part of your life and that's not really a fault. Since he walked out like that, you close the door and bar it shut nad keep it shut in case he should attempt to crawl back to you. You never deserve to be treated like that for any reason. It's the ultimate insult and he truly showed you who he is.

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AmyeMae were you two arguing or something?? Did he just up and leave and has been MIA since or what? Have you tried getting in contact with friends or family?? Going to his work?? Spoke with anyone else about his whereabouts?? Am I just missing something here? Another post somewhere else or?? Have we all ruled out him being kidnapped and his attackers reading and deleting the texts?

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One of my exes used to disappear for weeks on end and refuse all contact then come back and act like everything was fine. The last time he did it I never heard from him again and he had found someone else just didn't have the guts to tell me.

 

Are you sure he's safe? Not had his phone stolen?

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AmyeMae were you two arguing or something?? Did he just up and leave and has been MIA since or what? Have you tried getting in contact with friends or family?? Going to his work?? Spoke with anyone else about his whereabouts?? Am I just missing something here? Another post somewhere else or?? Have we all ruled out him being kidnapped and his attackers reading and deleting the texts?

 

No we didn't argue to my knowledge. The last I saw him he spent the night at my place. Then we talked the next day, after that.....nothing. I haven't gotten in touch with anyone else about him because I don't want to seem like a stalker. I mean I'm already calling/texting without any reply.

 

I know he's read my texts because there's a read time stamp on them

 

I'm really confused but at the same time I agree with dancingfool, I'm kinda fed up

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One of my exes used to disappear for weeks on end and refuse all contact then come back and act like everything was fine. The last time he did it I never heard from him again and he had found someone else just didn't have the guts to tell me.

 

Are you sure he's safe? Not had his phone stolen?

I'm sure he's fine, he's reading my texts because it shows the time read stamp

If his phone was stolen he could email or something at least

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No we didn't argue to my knowledge. The last I saw him he spent the night at my place. Then we talked the next day, after that.....nothing. I haven't gotten in touch with anyone else about him because I don't want to seem like a stalker. I mean I'm already calling/texting without any reply.

 

I know he's read my texts because there's a read time stamp on them

 

I'm really confused but at the same time I agree with dancingfool, I'm kinda fed up

 

Ooooooookkkayyy.. wait a second.. So my first mistake was assuming you two lived with each other.. so let's backtrack because the way I'm interpreting your post, I thought "been with" + "disappeared" meant you two lived together after X time..

 

So you live in your own places.. and the reason for you not wanting to contact anyone else about him, hmm.. I take it you two never got close to each other's friends and/or families after this year and a half?

 

This relationship is starting to sound more distant by the moment... Definitely agree with dancingfool and the others, Time to Say Goodbye.

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I think I'd send one last text saying something along the lines of "It's become clear to me, given the fact that I haven't heard from you in two weeks and you haven't responded to my messages, that you do not want to continue this relationship. If this is the case, could you at least have the decency to tell me outright? That would be the considerate thing to do, and I deserve at least that much. If there's something going on -- some emergency that has prevented you from contacting me, please let me know -- I am concerned about you because this behavior isn't like you. Otherwise, I will assume that you've chosen to end our relationship in a very cowardly way."

 

Even if his phone HAD been stolen, he would have had it disconnected by now; and, he would've either gotten a new one OR used someone else's phone to contact you.

 

I think he's found someone else, honestly; very few people go silent like this -- in the midst of an established relationship -- unless there's been some huge, huge argument. In the absence of that, it seems it's just the coward's way of breaking up, and some people, for whatever reasons, feel compelled to move on to the next person before finishing with the first. It's a sign of bad character, for sure.

 

I think you've got nothing to lose by sending one last text. He's being a jerk. You don't owe him any special courtesy, and perhaps he'll respond and you can move forward.

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Well we can make up all kinds of stories about him being kidnapped and held hostage by some evil villain on a remote island who reads his texts and kindly keeps his phone charged. Or perhaps he is paralyzed in a hospital after gallantly throwing himself under a bus to rescue a toddler and is somehow able to read his texts but not respond. Or he is really a secret agent on a mission and he lost his phone in the jungle and it's the monkeys reading his texts while he is desperate to reach out to his gf in Morse code that she just doesn't understand. OR we could just go with something simple like this is how this dude acts when he doesn't want to deal with something unpleasant.

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Ok I think people were just trying to look at every option before writing him off.

 

Chances are he has pulled a dissapearing act because he is too coward to break it off with you to your face/over text.

 

Yep. I mean, after two days, I might assume something's really wrong. Two weeks? He's pulling the disappearing act. The temptation is to come up with a good explanation because no one could be that cruel, right? But, alas, some people are.

 

It's that whole Occam's Razor thing, ultimately: The simplest explanation is probably the correct one. He's checked out. What a jerk.

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I'm sure he's fine. I know he's read my texts at least. We both have iphones and he has his read time stamp option on.

This is the weird thing. if he wanted to disappear, then why would he still read OP's texts?

 

Nevertheless, he's not responding and texting him is therefore pointless. I'd write one more message: "Since you are not responding, I will not contact you again until I hear from you." I would not include any other conclusions or personal plans or information in your last message to him.

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I wouldn't jump the gun and say he is with someone but obviously he is trying to avoid you... he might be wanting to fade out and hope you do the same because he doesn't have the balls to tell you he doesnt like/love you any more.

 

I would. In my experience, when my ex would go incommunicado for days/weeks on end, it was because he was with someone else and he didn't bring his cell phone with him into their place. How did I know that? Because he would leave his cell phone in his glove compartment when he would be with me--and he had children.

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Well we can make up all kinds of stories about him being kidnapped and held hostage by some evil villain on a remote island who reads his texts and kindly keeps his phone charged. Or perhaps he is paralyzed in a hospital after gallantly throwing himself under a bus to rescue a toddler and is somehow able to read his texts but not respond. Or he is really a secret agent on a mission and he lost his phone in the jungle and it's the monkeys reading his texts while he is desperate to reach out to his gf in Morse code that she just doesn't understand. OR we could just go with something simple like this is how this dude acts when he doesn't want to deal with something unpleasant.

 

Brilliantly put!!!! Well done!

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