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Mixed Feelings - Don't know what to do!!


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Hello- I'm 23 yrs old, & I've had 2 serious relationships in the past with men that were very controlling. One was a complete psycho, still tries to contact me quite often even though it's been over a year. The other one was a complete narcissist, & our relationship ended about 4 months ago. (Just a little history about me) Since then I have been trying to get along just being single. I had a few hookups here & there with friends, but it didn't mean anything. About 2 months ago I decided I was just going to be completely single, no hooking up, just try to enjoy myself & focus on other things (work, hobbies, etc). Soon after a new guy started messaging me on facebook. A mutual friend had told him about me & said I was pretty cool & he should get to know me. He wanted to meet up for a drink, but I wasn't drinking at the time so I told him no, maybe coffee? But then I got scared, started going back & forth on the plans, & ultimately he ended up telling me he "didn't feel up to it". My ego was hurt (just a little) but I felt safe-- meeting new people is soo hard! We continued to message back & forth occasionally, then a week ago he gave me his # so I texted him, & he asked if I wanted to join him & his friends for a bonfire that night when I got off work. I agreed...& they picked me up after work. I had a great time & we hit it off pretty well. I immediately liked him. Tall, sexy, confident, sweet...he literally has every quality I admire! He kissed me. Later that night we dropped his friend off, & I said he better take me home too as it was getting late, but he talked me into going back to his place to "watch a movie". Oh yea, I had a few drinks also. So we go back and OF COURSE...we hook up. I spent the night. The next day he dropped me off. Then 2 nights later, we hung out again...he was very romantic, suggested we take a bath together, etc. Hooked up again. Then 2 nights later, same thing...more hooking up, a little bit of talking & getting to know each other. OK fast forward to the past couple days. I AM SO CONFUSED. I mean this could easily just be one of those friends w/ benefits type of things, but I am falling for him. OR maybe I just think I am? It's so hard to tell. I don't even understand my own feelings & sometimes I feel like those past emotionally abusive relationships have scarred me for life! I guess what my question is....well questions are: 1. Is it too soon for me to even be thinking about a relationship? 2. I'm happy being single but at the same time I feel like this new guy is a perfect match, however I don't really know how he sees me, as just a hook up or maybe more? I'm sooo scared to even ask, because since this whole thing JUST started wouldn't that make me seem a bit psycho to have fallen for him that fast???? 3. Should I just stop talking to him now before I make a fool of myself & possibly get my heart broken (again)? HELP. Sorry didn't mean to make this soo long......

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Has he actually asked you out on a date or have all your interactions been hooking up? Has he taken you out to a restaurant for dinner or to the movies??

If it is just hooking up then you are a "friend with benefits". Are you happy with this, or are you looking for something more?

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Well stop hanging out with him then!!!!

 

Be single for a while & work out exactly what you want in a guy & in a relationship & don't settle for anything less.

Have a few deal breakers, and then you can gauge if a guy fits the criteria you are looking for.

 

Please don't settle for someone just because you are lonely, you need to respect yourself more, and decide you are worth more than the crumbs this guy is willing to throw you.

 

Good luck

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I am thinking of just simply asking him this: Do you just want to keep hooking up, or do you actually want to get to know me?

 

If all he wants is sex then I'm DONE. Not doing this to myself, it doesn't feel right.

 

You already know the answer to this. And you are equally to blame. You gave him no-strings hook ups and now you want to upgrade this into getting to know each other. Too late. He sees this as a convenient thing for hook ups. He is not going to want to actually date you or put in real effort. Best to move on.

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It might seem awkward but you could ask him out on a date. If he hasn't planned an official date by now, that seems like a bad sign. But if you need to make one last effort to be sure, I'd plan a casual, fun date in the daytime that doesn't cost too much and see how he responds. If he doesn't flake and plans the next one, you should be in the clear. I think it's fair to make one direct effort to show him what your intentions are. Just don't give him any more chances if expects you to plan everything and doesn't treat you with respect.

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