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I feel like he has taken advantage of my love for him


ohlinny006

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we dated for almost four years and within those four years I took good care of him and loved him with all my heart. I would sacrifice all that I had for him. He never appreciated the things I did for him and whenever he gets tired of me he would try to get back with his ex girlfriends and break up with me. What hurts me the most isn't just that. It's the fact that he never loved me. I am hurt because each time we break up and he gets lonely and has no one else to come to; he comes crawling back to me. When he finds someone new he then breaks up with me right away. I eventually grew tired of him taking my love for granted and using me so i had to break it off with him. This break up is making me so sad and I cant sleep or eat right. Every time i think about what he did to me hurts me. I dont know how to cope with this any longer. I thought by giving in and loving someone they would love you back. I didnt think by doing that would cause me a heartbreak or be betrayed. Now i no longer want to be in anymore relationships because i am afraid that the next guy will also break my heart. I am so insecured, scared, and paranoid. Honestly the relationship with this guy wrecked me.

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No you wrecked you by giving him chance after chance and for not loving yourself enough to get rid of this man sooner who treated you like dirt. He treated you that way because he did not respect you because you do not respect yourself and you let him get away with it. The next guy will treat you this way too if you don't work on your self esteem and realize you are worth more.

 

you should have dumped this guy the first time and never looked back. Instead you wasted 4 years and ultimately let him slowly destroy you.

 

You now gotta find some inner strenght and learn from this so you are NEVER someones doormat again

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True too what Shelty said. The saying, "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on you." The fact is there will always be guys (and gals too) out there who will happily do this. I know, I was with one for six too long years before I ended things. The bottom line is you need to realize love is a two-way street where both parties should be giving and supporting each other. You can't will, bribe or propitiate someone into loving you. That just attracts users who are losers.

 

Learn to be very discriminating about who gets your heart and make sure they love you equally and that they express it equally. Don't jump in and start doing and giving and waiting on someone hand and foot so to speak then expect that to turn them into a nice person who loves you. They should have been willing to and doing that at the same time that you did. Learn to sort out those who deserve you from those who don't, it's actually pretty easy to spot the players and people who want you as a backburner girl, because you'll end up feeling very hurt, used and confused by them. People who love and respect you don't make you feel like that, ever really. You can get mad at each other, you can fight, but you won't typicaly go to bed hurt, because you purchased an expensive birthday gift for them then they didn't even wish you a happy birthday. And yes, I have been there.

 

Don't beat yourself up about this, treat it as a learning experience and take a good hard honest look at this guy and you too. Why did you let it go on for so long apart from your feelings for him. Why did you let him keep coming back when you must have known it was wrong to reward him for his crap behavior? Dig deep within yourself and find the answer to that, work out how to make your life fulfilling and happy enough that you don't need just any old person to share it with you, you will only share it with the best. You'll be alot more happy and you'll find you attract a much better type of person to you. And you've taken the first step in doing that by showing the guy who is toxic and unhealthy to the door. Do that with anyone like him who shows up in your life the second you realize what they are, no matter how much you may regret or wish it wasn't so, and you'll be fine.

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The thing is that no one can take advantage of you without your permission. You wanted something that he wasn't capable of giving you -- and in pursuit of that you allowed him to walk all over you, believing that that would make him change his mind. You need to take this experience forward and figure out why you allowed this to happen. Next time, you should bounce anyone who thinks they can treat you like this so far out of your life they won't find their way back into the country, let alone your good graces.

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Remember this:

 

You deserve BETTER. You. Deserve. BETTER.

 

You've been through a long and draining relationship. I am so glad to hear you took a stand for yourself and got out finally.

 

You wont put up with that again.

 

Do not be afraid of the next guy, there are a lot of good guys out there. Just be aware and remember what you have learnt from this bad guy, and be aware and remember what you are learning about yourself!

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we dated for almost four years and within those four years I took good care of him and loved him with all my heart. I would sacrifice all that I had for him. He never appreciated the things I did for him and whenever he gets tired of me he would try to get back with his ex girlfriends and break up with me. What hurts me the most isn't just that. It's the fact that he never loved me. I am hurt because each time we break up and he gets lonely and has no one else to come to; he comes crawling back to me.

 

Um, no. You keep allowing him to come back to you. You keep opening up the door and letting him back in. If you nailed it shut, he would not be able to get back in. Own the destruction you are adding to this.

 

When he finds someone new he then breaks up with me right away. I eventually grew tired of him taking my love for granted and using me so i had to break it off with him. This break up is making me so sad and I cant sleep or eat right. Every time i think about what he did to me hurts me. I dont know how to cope with this any longer. I thought by giving in and loving someone they would love you back.

 

No, you teach them how to hurt you when you do that. Loving doesn't require giving in or surrendering your self. Not thinking highly enough of yourself causes one to give in and surender themselves.

 

I didnt think by doing that would cause me a heartbreak or be betrayed. Now i no longer want to be in anymore relationships because i am afraid that the next guy will also break my heart. I am so insecured, scared, and paranoid. Honestly the relationship with this guy wrecked me.

 

If you are insecure, scared and paranoid, then stop dating altogether and go work with a therapist to get whole again. As long as you're this fragmented, you're going to have problems in your relationships.

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