Is he interested?!

[mwqtr45]

Short bio: 22 yr old female, never had a boyfriend, have a REALLY hard time reading men.

 

I was at a restaurant with a female friend and 4 male friends of hers. I felt like one of the guys was flirting with me. He seemed to want to be near me wherever I was (I felt his shoulder, legs, etc grazing by me throughout the night), he put his hand on my thigh and rubbed it under the table at some point (not sure if that was an accident or..? Maybe he was trying to scratch his own leg but missed??), he seemed to get more nervous during the night yet seemed to become more alpha-male than he usually is (I faintly know him from my high school but we never talked or had classes together), he ended up paying for the majority of our meals (..was that to impress me or just because he usually does this with close friends?), when we got ready to leave he was being silly and stole my mitts but I felt like he did that because he was trying to touch my hands, when we got up all my friends went up the stairs to leave so I followed but I noticed that he lingered in the back (..I felt like he was checking me out from behind?)because he speeded up eventually to be near me. Afterwards, he added me on facebook a few minutes after we had left the restaurant.

 

I'm really attracted to him and I hope it goes somewhere. After he added me on facebook, I initiated a conversation. I was hoping it would eventually lead to a "wanna grab coffee sometime?" but instead it lead to him having delayed responses (every few hours I would get a response). During one point in the conversation I told him I really liked his hair (he has a really curly afro and so do I) and he thanked me and said "haha you look quite good yourself if you don't mind me saying". and then we talked a bit more and it eventually led to a point where I said that I have a lot of bad hair days and nobody is there to see me when I have a good hair day (me being silly, not serious) and he said to come see him on those days. then I told him id send him a message next time I have a good hair day so he could see. I also told him I didn't think that I would have a good hair day anytime soon (me being silly again). We talked and joked a bit more and he said "hopefully its sooner rather than later!". I'm not sure whether that means "hopefully we hang out soon" or if he was being polite and was saying "hopefully you have a good hair day soon." We haven't talked since yesterday. AHHHHHHHHHH. I felt chemistry between us but now I'm not sure if he even was interested in the first place. Why can't he directly ask me out???!!! I really want him to! My female friend thinks he's shy. He got out of a serious relationship either a few months ago or half a year ago. His ex-girlfriend kind of looks like me but I look like the Arab, curly hair version of her.

 

What do you guys think?!! Is he interested but shy? Was he not even flirting in the first place? Or was he flirting but is no longer interested? I have absolutely no idea what to think! The last time I liked a guy was a year ago. I ended up asking him out but he gently declined and said he wasn't interested in being in a relationship - but ended up asking out one of my friends at the same time that I was talking to him! Arrrghh. I feel like if I ask this guy out the same thing will happen. I feel stupid and I feel like I'll never really understand how to talk to men or know whether they're interested. I feel like I can't even get a relationship started.

[toby17]

he put his hand on my thigh and rubbed it under the table at some point

 

Duh, he was coming on to you!

 

not sure if that was an accident or..? Maybe he was trying to scratch his own leg but missed??

 

Seriously? You are clueless.

 

I was hoping it would eventually lead to a "wanna grab coffee sometime?" but instead it lead to him having delayed responses (every few hours I would get a response).

 

He's playing it cool. Have patience.

 

The last time I liked a guy was a year ago. I ended up asking him out but he gently declined and said he wasn't interested in being in a relationship

 

Most guys are flattered by being asked out but won't say yes. You've usurped their role.

 

I feel like if I ask this guy out the same thing will happen.

 

Don't. You're desperate and pushing things.

 

I feel stupid and I feel like I'll never really understand how to talk to men or know whether they're interested. I feel like I can't even get a relationship started.

 

There's no manual. Some people get it, some people don't, most people fall in the middle. If you want to be harsh on yourself, go ahead. Another person might see it as a cute quality.

 

"Have patience with all things, but, above all, have patience with yourself."

[mwqtr45]

Thank you! I appreciate that you took the time to read my post!

[duke nukem]

Ahhh, flirting, I remember those days... Wait, you're older than me?

 

 

Haha kidding! Yes, from what you've said he certainly seems to have taken an interest. Let us know how it goes. Good luck!

[missmarple]

I said that I have a lot of bad hair days and nobody is there to see me when I have a good hair day (me being silly, not serious) and he said to come see him on those days. then I told him id send him a message next time I have a good hair day so he could see. I also told him I didn't think that I would have a good hair day anytime soon (me being silly again). We talked and joked a bit more and he said "hopefully its sooner rather than later!".

 

Send him a message in a couple days 'hey I have a good hair day! wanna see?'...and see how he reacts.

[mwqtr45]

We haven't talked since that facebook conversation a few days ago. Should I wait for him to initiate a conversation or should I send him a message saying "I'm having a good hair day! wanna see" to initiate contact..?? Because if I do that won't that kind of be like asking him out in a joking way?

 

Ahhhhh. I really wanna see him

[duke nukem]

Don't over analyze. If you want to send him a message, send him one. I know sometimes I'll give a girl a bit of space so as not to come off as needy and all that. It's nice when I get a message during that time.

[mwqtr45]

So I came here to update you guys on the situation.

 

I ended up sending him a message. Long story short, many texts later, I have found out that he just wants a sex buddy. He just wants to have sex with me. He's not looking for a relationship right now.

 

I was flattered at first that he found me attractive but now I'm a little bit hurt. What makes a guy want to date certain girls and only sleep with others? Why aren't guys asking me out on proper dates..? I don't dress inappropriately and i'm not flirtatious. I've never been asked out on a proper date before.. Do you guys have any tips on how to attract men that want to be in relationships?

[Batya33]

It's not about you. It's about his preference to find a sex buddy instead of a date. Don't go down the path of wondering whether it's just an excuse. It's not worth it.

The way I found men who wanted to be in relationships was by being involved in activities and organizations where I was more likely to meet serious-minded people and I kept in touch with many people from all my various stages of life -school, old jobs, etc who knew what I was looking for and could introduce me to people who wanted the same thing.

The way you met this guy and how it all progressed seemed from the beginning that he was more interested in hooking up with you than dating you.

[mwqtr45]

But the confusing part is that his close circle of friends are REALLY nice guys. They're pretty successful. One's in med school, and the others are also in great professional programs. Which is why I thought he might have been a nice guy who wanted a relationship too...blah. Plus he's been in long term relationships before so I thought he was in a relationship mind-set. blah, I guess I was wrong. haha THanks for your reply.

[Batya33]

But the confusing part is that his close circle of friends are REALLY nice guys. They're pretty successful. One's in med school, and the others are also in great professional programs. Which is why I thought he might have been a nice guy who wanted a relationship too...blah. Plus he's been in long term relationships before so I thought he was in a relationship mind-set. blah, I guess I was wrong. haha THanks for your reply.

 

I don't think that's particularly relevant. What is relevant is that he tried to get physical the first time he met you and that you initiated the conversation on Facebook and focused on physical features at the outset so he probably had the impression that you were interested in the physical/flirtatious stuff more than him as a person. But, if he had wanted to ask you on a date that wouldn't have changed his mind -he probably was just pleased that you seemed to be going along with the focus on physical/sexual stuff.

[mwqtr45]

That's true, that's not very relevant. And I didn't know how to strike up a conversation with him. He initiated the friend request so I thought I had to send him a message to let him know that I'm interested. I didn't mean to have a focus on physical stuff. Next time what should I say instead? Or should I just wait for the guy to ask me out on a date and not bother with trying to figure out whether he's interested? haha

[Ginger1]

Dang, I read your update. I was going to say "Yup, he's definitely in to you! Call him up" But eh, not just for sex. kinda sleezy

[IAmFCA]

But the confusing part is that his close circle of friends are REALLY nice guys. They're pretty successful. One's in med school, and the others are also in great professional programs. Which is why I thought he might have been a nice guy who wanted a relationship too...blah. Plus he's been in long term relationships before so I thought he was in a relationship mind-set. blah, I guess I was wrong. haha THanks for your reply.

 

Just to be clear, a high-achieving career path is totally unrelated to sexual ethics. It may be: My carrer/education is so demanding, all I can manage right now is FWB.... just be open to evaluating each character trait on its own.

[Batya33]

That's true, that's not very relevant. And I didn't know how to strike up a conversation with him. He initiated the friend request so I thought I had to send him a message to let him know that I'm interested. I didn't mean to have a focus on physical stuff. Next time what should I say instead? Or should I just wait for the guy to ask me out on a date and not bother with trying to figure out whether he's interested? haha

 

I think it was fine to send a message -I probably would have sent one that said "thanks for friending me -hope we can stay in touch -I enjoyed meeting you the other night" and leave it at that. It's not so much about asking him out but about approaching him with a focus that's friendly and even flirty but not focused on his looks or yours. Not at that early stage, anyway.

[mwqtr45]

Oh man. I was going to start a new thread but..what they hey. What a bad week. I got laid off from my job today.

 

I spent half a day crying. I feel like I've hit rock bottom.