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I've never written on a forum looking for advice in something. I actually believe every person should be strong enough and solve their own issues. But, I've been reading and I really feel that it helps to see that people do go through the same things as you and, you could actually help each other out. So, I'm giving this a try.

 

I've always been a pretty sensible person but breakups are not my thing. I would break up a 8 month relationship or year and got back up on my feet right away. But not this time. This time has been hard as hell.

 

My ex boyfriend and I met and hit it off right away even though we had both ended things with our exes few weeks before we started dating. But it was a connection not everyone has and even though everyone told me that he dumps a girl every year I never believed it. See, at first I was the strongest and he was desperate telling me that he felt like a didn't love him enough, i wasn't too caring but eventually we worked everything out. We were really best friends. A year and a half later, He joined a self help program he was introduced in his work to, and out of nowhere in a fight (which we almost never had) he dumped me telling me he wanted sometime alone. But, he would go out with girls every night.He called me a lot though, just to see how I was, but Ii never ever called him. I just coped with the whole situation crying at home. A month after that, he called me for me to join the program and i did it. That night we had the best time of our lives and got back together. He called my parents, my friends, his parents (which i was very close with) and told everyone he knew I was a girl of his life and he made a wrong decision to ask me for some time. I first hesitated to get back with him cause I was scared, but he fought so much for me, and he never ever stopped calling me that i did accept him back. And let me say we had a fairytale relationship, trust, communication, everything to make a relationship work perfectly. He was very respectful with me, and i never doubted him with anything. I can't explain how great it was, he even talked to me about moving in together. We were so good like this for 8 months after getting back.

 

These last two months, he stopped wanting to see me as much as we did, he was always out with his single friends or with new guy friends he just met (which are all single and terrible influence) and even though i asked him why he was pushing away he always told me to stop getting things into my head and that he loved me. And that we were never going to break up. So even though i hardly never saw him because he was with his friends all the time, I settled to seeing him once every two weeks even though we live close by. I'm 28, so I buried myself into work.

 

One night he took me out to dinner and even though we hadn't seen each other for 2 weeks he told me to eat dinner fast cause he was going to hang out with his buddies. And, that was it for me. He had forgotten our 2 year anniversary as well. I told him he wasn't ready for a relationship and he told me he agreed. He said he needed to be alone, even though he knew i was the love of his life. This Christmas we were suppose to go on a trip together and after he cancelled cause of the breakup I also stayed and we have hanged out because he called me everyday telling me he needed to see me. And he shakes when he's holding my hand, and he hugs me incredibly. He doesn't go out party much and he's always telling me he's not going to be with anybody else for a long time, but that he doesn't want to be with anyone at all because he needs to be happy with himself. Every time he stops calling for 3 days because i tell him it's not healthy, he calls me with an excuse just to talk. And it's killing me, because we're perfect for each other we don't' fight, I don't fuss with him going out or hanging with his friends, and he says he has never ever met a girl so perfect for a guy and that he's scared to see me with someone else. I know he loves me cause every time he did breakup with a girlfriend he never ever called them or cared about them. That's what everybody says. We live in a small town where everybody knows each other.

 

But, why does he do this to the relationship? What should I do? Make him realize his mistake or move on? Should I stop taking his calls because every time I do I spend the best weekend at his house, treating me as his girlfriend, dancing and talking and then when it's time for me to go home, he hugs me like it's out last goodbye and I get home crying after being together the whole weekend. When I ask him what is this about, he tells me he doesn't know he just loves me, and that I'm right we should stop hanging out. He stops calling for 3 days and there he is again just to check on me. It's hurting me cause I cry myself to sleep the days he doesn't call and when he does, I'm happy. So I'm really a mess. Si I don't know if to get away or not.

 

Waiting for some advice,

 

Thanks!

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I wonder how much advice you'll get, since you started your thread basically implying that most of the users on this forum aren't strong enough to solve their own issues . . .

that came accross as a bit condescending to me, anyway.

 

My advice to you is to cut this dude out of your life. He's using you to help him get through the breakup - ironic eh? Don't let him do it. It's time for you to look out for yourself again, forget what he needs or whether he's hurting. You've been traveling the same path with him for awhile now, and you know at this point what the deal is. You know?

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This back n forth is torturing YOU! He does seem very 'unstable' and it is affecting you.

I think inside you know what's best and have to go with that! You cannot go your own way until you cut these ties.

 

Yet, i think, inside you know that you must back off and STOP the torture.

 

It's kinda like he's using you to get over you. These little distant moments (confusion) then back again.. cause neither of you will stop & let go.

 

The only thing that is going to help YOU out here is to put a stop to it all and TRULY start working on your own- to get better. (Accept & move on with life).

Because, Im sure you know it isn't working out for you guys, sadly.. is it?

 

I know how hard it is to let go- but it's also best.

 

tc

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I've never written on a forum looking for advice in something. I actually believe every person should be strong enough and solve their own issues.

 

Well ok then! (In my experience, people who think that way have usually been raised believing that showing emotion is weakness.)

 

I would break up a 8 month relationship or year and got back up on my feet right away.

 

Sounds like you weren't invested and now you're getting a taste of your own medicine.

 

My ex boyfriend and I met and hit it off right away even though we had both ended things with our exes few weeks before we started dating.

 

So possibly a rebound relationship?!?

 

See, at first I was the strongest and he was desperate telling me that he felt like a didn't love him enough

...

 

These last two months, he stopped wanting to see me as much as we did, he was always out with his single friends or with new guy friends he just met (which are all single and terrible influence) and even though i asked him why he was pushing away he always told me to stop getting things into my head and that he loved me....

 

One night he took me out to dinner and even though we hadn't seen each other for 2 weeks he told me to eat dinner fast cause he was going to hang out with his buddies. And, that was it for me. He had forgotten our 2 year anniversary as well. I told him he wasn't ready for a relationship and he told me he agreed.

 

...

 

This Christmas we were suppose to go on a trip together and after he cancelled cause of the breakup I also stayed and we have hanged out because he called me everyday telling me he needed to see me. And he shakes when he's holding my hand, and he hugs me incredibly. He doesn't go out party much and he's always telling me he's not going to be with anybody else for a long time, but that he doesn't want to be with anyone at all because he needs to be happy with himself. Every time he stops calling for 3 days because i tell him it's not healthy, he calls me with an excuse just to talk.

 

He's blowing hot and cold because he's not committed.

 

He stops calling for 3 days and there he is again just to check on me.

 

He's blowing hot and cold and keeping you around just in case.

 

He said he needed to be alone, even though he knew i was the love of his life.

 

If you were the love of his life, he wouldn't risk letting you go.

 

Should I stop taking his calls because every time I do I spend the best weekend at his house, treating me as his girlfriend, dancing and talking and then when it's time for me to go home, he hugs me like it's out last goodbye and I get home crying after being together the whole weekend...

 

You need to go no contact.

 

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