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Feeling hopeless


wrich

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A few months ago I started seeing this amazing guy. We met through my work (he does not work there himself) and we hit it off great. We decided to take this slow since we both have had long relationships in the past that ended badly and hurt us. He decided that he wanted to wait to have sex until we had built a good foundation to possibly a serious relationship. So we took our time. Went on dates and just got to know eachother. It was so much fun. There was no drama or fighting not even one argument. It was so nice. He texted me a long message one night when he was laying in bed saying that he is so glad he had met me and that he appreciates me and that when he has his arms around me at night that everything seems right in the world, that anything that had been bothering him was non existent. That he thinks about me all the time and that every moment spent with me was amazing and the next moment even better... He let me meet his family which was a huge step for him to do beccaus he doesnt just let any girl met his family unless its serious. I spent Thanksgiving and Christmas with him and his family and he met mine. His family loved me. He bought me gifts (which i told him he didnt have to) and we had an amazing time together. He bought us a gym membership and we had a blastworking outtogether. I was really excited about getting healthier andstarting a new way of life with him. Then the next day (new years eve) he broke up with me. He came over to my house and asked to talk. Said that he feels like i wasn't over the hurt from.my past and that he wants to move on and be single. What did i do so wrong? We were so happy. If he wanted to be single why did he do all of that stuff with me? I need advice. Im so terribly heart broken and confused. All I've done is cry and think about it all. Has anyone else went through this?? Is therehopethat me and him can fix our relationship? What do i need to do? Please help.

 

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Whoa. Can you tell us a little bit more about how you've been acting with him while you went on these dates, etc. He said that he felt like you weren't over from the hurt in your past. Is he right? If he isn't, I definitely would text him back and confront him about it. Say, "Hey, I know you broke up with me and feel as if I'm not over my past, but I believe you're wrong. During our dates, we had a great time and never even thought about my past once. I don't understand how you came to the conclusion that I am still distraught from the past. Can you tell me what led you to this belief?"

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I have to agree this one with byanilla. It is plain weird. Unless there is a reason for him to say what he said. Bring in past relationship to a new relationship is never a good thing. Nothing wrong with stating taking things slow given, ones had bad past relationship but you do not go in details or talk about the ex etc.

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I've been through this in the sense that I too was blindsided and dumped brutally, one evening he asked me to marry him, I got all excited, told my parents, and the next day he broke up with me, so I know how horrible you feel. I never found out why, all I know is that a year later he got married to someone else.

 

Is it possible that your guy was the one who wasn't over his ex, and he projected his own feelings on to you? The fact that he decided to take your relationship very slowly and abstain from sex makes me think he was still very much in love with his ex. And just like cheaters like to accuse their partners of cheating, because they are doing it themselves, maybe your boyfriend accused you of still having feelings for your ex because he himself had feelings for his ex?

And could it be that they talked and decided to get back together?

 

I don't think it's about anything *you* did, I think it's got everything to do with him not being over his previous relationship...

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