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Just found out my BF is bi and has cheated on me.


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So, I have been in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend for about 2 years now and everything was going great for about a year and then suddenly out of the blue he says he doesn't know how much longer he can take being in a LDR. At the time, both of us were not able to move closer to each other because of work/school. We worked everything out and decided to stay together and try to make it work. Fast forward to today, 8 months later. Everything has been more than perfect and I'm happy and he seems happy as well. I'm visiting him for the new year and my visit has been great so far. Today he leaves for work and I started snooping (I know this is so wrong but I couldn't help myself) and went through his sent e-mails. He has been answering craigslist ads from women seeking male companions for a night. These stretch out for about 3 months in between each one and no telling how far they went as he deleted his inbox and not his sent folder. Some of them I was willing to cut him some slack on because they were during a time we hadn't seen each other in over a year and were going through some problems. But the very last one was the one that was the biggest problem. It November 2013 (just before our most recent visit) and it was him answering an ad for not only a man but a transvestite. I'm not sure how far it went because as far as I can see, he sent his picture to the guy and didn't get a reply. But there was also one other ad that he answered in February 2013 with a man looking for a man and they exchanged a few e-mails. The last one was him asking if the guy wanted to play today, and the guy saying yes. Nothing else.. I'm not sure if they went through with it or not but.. it's clear that my boyfriend is bi and has probably been with other guys.

 

So I don't know what to do. I've never dreamed of being in a situation like this and it almost makes me sick to my stomach. I don't have anything against people being gay but personally I don't know if I can handle my boyfriend being into guys. I know not many people have been in this situation but I'm at a loss of what to do.

 

UPDATE: I just searched a bit more and found pictures of him in a thong.

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I don't understand why you're at a loss either. Any self-respecting person would have just printed it all out and left a note on it saying "See ya" and then never spoken to him again. The Bi-sexuality is the least of your problems. (although the fact he never disclosed that part of himself to you is an abhorent lie of admission to the 9th degree) You've just discovered you've been involved with a lying cheating assclown and now its time to move on and heal.

 

Keep any new relationships (in the future, once you've healed from this fiasco) to close distance so that you both will have the time to nuture the relationship and actually see red flag behaviour if it rears its ugly colour.

 

Sorry this has happened to you.

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I don't understand why you're at a loss either. Any self-respecting person would have just printed it all out and left a note on it saying "See ya" and then never spoken to him again. The Bi-sexuality is the least of your problems. (although the fact he never disclosed that part of himself to you is an abhorent lie of admission to the 9th degree) You've just discovered you've been involved with a lying cheating assclown and now its time to move on and heal.

 

Keep any new relationships (in the future, once you've healed from this fiasco) to close distance so that you both will have the time to nuture the relationship and actually see red flag behaviour if it rears its ugly colour.

 

Sorry this has happened to you.

 

I feel so stupid. When he and I went through issues earlier this month I was so torn and completely beside myself. This time now when I think about possibly leaving him it doesn't hurt. I just feel so stupid and embarrassed. How could I be so blind? But I guess I know deep down that this isn't right because I'm not even sad when I think about just leaving. Maybe even relieved? No more worrying about what he's doing when he's not answering my texts. I deserve better.

 

I'm just so shocked I'm not as upset as I think someone would be. I think I'd like to be friends with him. Just not know about what he's doing and with who. He's been like my best friend and rock for almost two years and it feels weird to completely cut him out. I don't know.

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^^ That is quite harsh. I know several people that have made long distance relationships work through college/university and through work. Like couples in the armed forces it's part of the territory.

 

It's not the long distance it's the fact he is a cheater. I'm sure he'd have done the same if they were seeing eachother regularly.

 

You do deserve better OP.

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Nothing is wrong with local guys. I guess the real problem is me. I've been so insecure for years and I have no idea why. I've been approached by many guys but I've witnessed friends and family go through horrible things with their significant other and once I found this guy I just held on with all I could because he wasn't like any of the guys I've heard about... Heh well jokes on me. He was worse lol. For now on, I'll be dating guys in my area. I guess we live and we learn?

 

Sad too because we were so compatible. He was basically my best friend.

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Sad too because we were so compatible. He was basically my best friend.

 

You can still be friends. Better to be platonic when he's been unfaithful and is into other guys (which you stated as a dealbreaker).

 

In general, when it comes to compatibility liking the same movies and music is great but it's icing on the cake. Having shared values (beliefs they hold dear) and goals (things they want to accomplish in life) are most important. For example, you value fidelity and honesty, whereas your soon-to-be Ex doesn't.

 

Best of luck, OP! I'm sorry you're going through this.

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^^ That is quite harsh. I know several people that have made long distance relationships work through college/university and through work. Like couples in the armed forces it's part of the territory.

 

It's not the long distance it's the fact he is a cheater. I'm sure he'd have done the same if they were seeing eachother regularly.

 

You do deserve better OP.

 

A year though? Long distance only works if they are seeing each other regularly and they have a date set for one to move nearer to the other.

 

Yes he prob would have cheated no matter what but she prob would have found out a lot sooner if it wasn't long distance

 

Op I am thinking you are a cover up. Hes not ready to come out of the closet and a long distance gf who he barely sees makes him appear straight but hes not. He is gay

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Yes, and I've always been cautious about who I involve myself with. This is my first and longest real relationship and I've always tried my very hardest to avoid anyone who even gives me the slightest idea that they are a cheater. This sucks on so many levels because I've put up with a lot and lost so many friends because of this guy. I feel betrayed and then another part of me keeps wondering if we lived in the same area, would he have cheated on me? Or is this guy just a cheater and always will be one. We met this summer for the first time and it was only for a weekend in August. I thought we had a good time and we had sex multiples times each day I was there. Looking at his email history he has answered 3 ads for sex on Craigslist since that visit. One of which was the first transvestite ad he has answered (according to his sent history that dates back to '02). Each of them don't progress beyond him answering them with his photo and stating, "I'm interested. Let me know if you are." I don't believe any of them replied back to him but he sure attempted to engage in something with them.

 

Also, he visited me in November. Just before that visit, around the 5th he responded to two of the three ads. One for a female, just looking to get her.. you know what licked and the other was the transvestite one. Again, both people don't seem to answer his reply. The 20th of November is when he visited me and he hasn't answered an ad since. At least not according to his e-mail.

 

There are 9 ads he's answered in 2013, and looking back through his sent history, the only times he's ever responded to sex ads on CL. 3 of which were gay or trans. One of them that progresses with him sending a pic of his face, and a picture of him in a thong... I don't understand. The guy didn't even ask for one in a thong.. The ad doesn't even ask for a trans.. Just a male looking for another male. Maybe they chatted elsewhere off e-mail? I don't know.

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  • 5 years later...
Hi, I am mind blown because I came on the internet for advice as my story is so similar to yours, I can’t believe it actually. I’m just curious what ended up happening with you two? Did you work it out or break up?

 

This is a 5 year old thread. It's unlikely the OP is still active on this forum.

 

You are welcome to start your own thread. Maybe someone can offer help.

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