please help. I would like this to work.

[LAFreeway]

I met a girl online. We talked for over a month over the phone and in text. All conversations were very friendly with only a little flirting here and there. We finally met in person. It went so well and we clicked very naturally. So well in fact, that we ended up having sex. The next day she said that she didn't expect that and it went well and she was happy about it but we should take things slow. I agreed. Taking things slow is fine. I just want to make the right moves to keep her interested and to move the relationship forward on a more than friends level. What worries me is that in a conversation we had yesterday she said,

"And idk I'm just worried like you are going to get annoyed with me & be like relationship or nothing & then disappear because I'm a mess lol 3" so I don't know if she is saying that there is not going to be a relationship or what. She then said she just is indesisive and doesn't know what she wants with everything in general. I can tell she is genuine and not trying to play games or anything. She is a really sweet girl. Any advice for me would be so greatly appreciated.

[BrianH46]

My gf was like this when i was pursuing her. At first I thought she was being coy and playing me. I just kept being direct and told her how I felt and my intentions of dating her. Still she didnt give me a clear answer but we hung out often and texted everyday. Things developed naturally and here we are two years later. She told me she was shy back then and being direct with her helped.

[LAFreeway]

Thank you very much. That helps a little in giving me hope. She has kind of stopped texting me quite as much as she did a couple of days ago. I guess maybe she is busy and I'm over thinking things. I'm just giving her space for now. She is in the middle of a minimester at school so I'm just leaving her be. But when she does come around more how do I stay out of the friend zone while still being her friend?

[FlashEng1]

Thank you very much. That helps a little in giving me hope. She has kind of stopped texting me quite as much as she did a couple of days ago. I guess maybe she is busy and I'm over thinking things. I'm just giving her space for now. She is in the middle of a minimester at school so I'm just leaving her be. But when she does come around more how do I stay out of the friend zone while still being her friend?

 

You've already slept with her. You're going to have to do an awful lot to put yourself in that friend zone. Unless chemistry just completely dies for her or something..

 

Just remain yourself and enjoy her company when you're together, and yes, try not to over think things too much! Taking things slowly means NOT over thinking, and NOT trying to push things, and NOT trying to always impress...

 

 

and her worrying is with the possibility of you getting annoyed with "taking things slow" and telling her that you want a relationship or nothing at all.

[BrianH46]

I told my gf that I did not intend on being her friend. Meaning, when we talk/hang-out, that is is not so under the pretense of becoming friends.

[LAFreeway]

Very well said. That puts it a little more in perspective for me. I guess it would take a lot. She did text me later on in the day and we talked a little. I understand I'm not completely in the friendzone but our whole first month or so talking was on an almost complete friends only basis. So it's just a little tricky to me.

 

You are so right about what taking things slowly means. And I can tell over thinking things complicates the situation and my feelings about it. I will remain myself and take your advice.

 

And, I really hope that is what she meant by that. If so, then it's all gravy because "taking things slow" doesn't annoy me at all. Plus I'd rather that then nothing at all.

 

I greatly appreciate you taking the time to respond and give me very helpful advice. I think I needed this before I got wrapped up in worry and in turn screwed things up. Still would love any advice from anyone here after. I just want to be as educated as possible in this matter because it means a lot to me. She is something else let me tell you. I will hold my composure though. Again, I Thank You

[LAFreeway]

I understand. Unfortunately my situation is a little unique considering that I started talking to this girl under the pretense that we were friends. It was friendly conversation. While this type of things is great news for a relationship it just puts me in an awkward moment where it could go one way or the other and I want to make the correct move. Also, while she is very happy with our friendly relationship I would hate to tell her now, 'oh we can't just be friends' definitely since she kinda said that's what she was worried about. I think that would lose major points and pretty much doom things for me. I completely understand what you are saying and it makes complete sense however its my fault that I started this as a friend thing. A very clear ''we are friends" thing. I guess I will just have to see what comes of it. I greatly appreciate your response. And I guess there will come a time when I'm like ' okay so we are together now, not just friends. ' when the time is right, whenever that may be. Again, I Thank You.