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Depression and relationships


Amp33

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My, now ex, boyfriend and I had been living together for a year. With my job I get my summers off and usually live off of EI unless I find something else to occupy my summers. Though this previous summer was bad..

 

Starting in February I had started to become depressed. I was always upset, I cried over the smallest things. I told my boyfriend that it was happening and the best he could do was "get over it you have no reason to be depressed." He never fully understood what it meant to feel this way. And whenever I tried to explain it to him he never took it seriously. Then when summer came along and I wasn't working, I had a lot of trouble even getting out of bed. I slept all day. I did nothing. All of my friends had moved out of town so all I had was my boyfriend. I told him how sorry I was that I couldn't find the motivation to help around the house. I told him how sorry I was that dinner wasn't ready when he came home from work.. But if you've ever suffered from depression then you know how hard it is..

 

He would go over to his mothers house and gab to her about how I do nothing all day and the house is always dirty, he failed to mention the depression. So his mother started to dislike me. And that had a huge effect on my boyfriends feelings for me which eventually became the end of us.

 

I'm just wondering if anyone else has dealt with a similar situation? Been in a relationship where your partner doesn't understand the effects and disabling depression comes with.

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I have not been in that situation, I'm sorry you two weren't compatible enough for him to want to help you.

 

I suffered from an self-esteem issues. Which led to depression and a general feeling of worthlessness. I still struggle with it, but I am in a much better place.

 

I got through high school and college without dating anyone. Then after college I started having a dating life and then I found my girlfriend. We both have things that hurt our feelings, scare us, or upset us.

 

But we support each other even if we cannot empathize with how the other person is feeling, we just be there for each other and let each other know we are there for support.

 

 

Your boyfriend just was not capable of understanding the effect those feelings you had on you. You are better off not depending on him for support since he just was not able to provide it.

 

I hope you are no longer living with him or plan to move out. Good luck and know you are welcome here.

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From what you've written your ex sounds close-minded and self-righteous. Telling someone to get over their emotions is basically like saying 'No you are not allowed to have feelings' and since we can't control when feelings come to us that's pretty stupid. The worst thing is telling someone upset to stop being upset because it usually just amplifies the situation for me this makes me feel guilty and even more upset as I then get upset, for being upset in the first place.

Dealing with depression is tough, especially when your other half doesn't understand or emphasize or acknowledge it at all. In my case it's my parents played this role. Constantly telling me that I should get over it, and generally minimizing my feelings and criticizing me constantly for every single thing that displeased them.

 

Your ex sounds immature. I'm assuming he's old enough to do his own dinner and do some cleaning around the house. Since you apologised for not having dinner made for him it sounds like this something you would have done regularly, him complaining and not checking up with you or lacking compassion would have been a major warning sign for me. Who would run to their mother to bicker about their own girlfriend?

 

Is your family supportive of you?

I really hope you are not blaming yourself for the break-up of this relationship because honestly you can not help your own feelings. The only thing you can help is learning to cope with them and you definitely deserve someone who can be supportive and compassionate even though they may not relate.

 

If your depression is on-going I would suggest you take a break from relationships and focus on getting your mind into a better place. I'm in a relationship with anxiety and depression and you are right by saying it affects the relationship. You want to give your mind a break and focus on yourself and your needs.

 

chin up

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