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Recent break up..need help.


wrich

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A few months ago I started seeing this amazing guy. We met through my work (he does not work there himself) and we hit it off great. We decided to take this slow since we both have had long relationships in the past that ended badly and hurt us. He decided that he wanted to wait to have sex until we had built a good foundation to possibly a serious relationship. So we took our time. Went on dates and just got to know eachother. It was so much fun. There was no drama or fighting not even one argument. It was so nice. He texted me a long message one night when he was laying in bed saying that he is so glad he had met me and that he appreciates me and that when he has his arms around me at night that everything seems right in the world, that anything that had been bothering him was non existent. That he thinks about me all the time and that every moment spent with me was amazing and the next moment even better... He let me meet his family which was a huge step for him to do beccaus he doesnt just let any girl met his family unless its serious. I spent Thanksgiving and Christmas with him and his family and he met mine. His family loved me. He bought me gifts (which i told him he didnt have to) and we had an amazing time together. He bought us a gym membership and we had a blastworking outtogether. I was really excited about getting healthier andstarting a new way of life with him. Then the next day (new years eve) he broke up with me. He came over to my house and asked to talk. Said that he feels like i wasn't over the hurt from.my past and that he wants to move on and be single. What did i do so wrong? We were so happy. If he wanted to be single why did he do all of that stuff with me? I need advice. Im so terribly heart broken and confused. All I've done is cry and think about it all. Has anyone else went through this?? Is therehopethat me and him can fix our relationship? What do i need to do? Please help.

 

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Wrich,

 

I am so sorry that you are going through such heartache. There are few things more painful than feeling a deep connection with another and then having that abruptly taken away from you.

 

It's difficult to make an informed call on what is going on in your guy's mind right now without knowing both of you better. What did he mean by "he feels like i wasn't over the hurt from my past"?

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Were you?

 

From reading your story it sounded to me like you had done nothing to deserve this and tbh the first thing that sprung to my mind was that he has been terribly hurt in the past and is simply not ready to move on, no matter how hard he tries.

 

What makes me think otherwise is your comment as above... What happened?

 

If you really don't know and feel that things were going great then I think it's just that he is not ready.. It's terribly sad for you but I'm afraid it happens.

 

I really wish you well as you sound like a great girl. I'm sorry you're hurting soo bad

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I am going through something similar except we were together for a year. We brokeup once before for 6 weeks in the summer but got backtogether. He also dumped me on NYE right before we were heading out. I was blindsided because eery since thanksgiving, things had been going magically. I have been severly depressed over it and i want nothing more than to have him back. My family would kick my butt if i ever got back with him, but its what i want right now. All i can say is there is no quick fix and the best thing to do is not to contact him at all. Although I am clingy in my relationships, when its over I dont contact at all, I refuse.

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I've been trying not to contact him. Its so hard cause I've sent every day with him by my side. Even though this is a situation that Im sad that we are both going through i am relieved to know that i am not alone.

 

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I've been trying not to contact him. Its so hard cause I've sent every day with him by my side. Even though this is a situation that Im sad that we are both going through i am relieved to know that i am not alone.

 

Sent from my SGH-S959G using Tapatalk 2

 

Wrich,

 

Sorry to hear your story. It seems like your ex just wasn't ready for what you both initially wanted. It's clear that he's emotionally damaged. When people are very damaged and haven't taken the time and steps to make a recovery it comes back to ruin future relationships. The best thing you can do is go No Contact immediately and do not respond to anymore of his messages regardless of what they say. You are much better than this and although it seems like everything was magical with him, there are plenty of fish in the sea that will make you feel great and not drag you down with their baggage.

 

I just went through something very similar. A great 3 months with someone and then BOOM blindsided. One little fight turned into "I'm just like her ex." and then out of my life forever. It's hard to cope with especially after a few great months but realize that this person came into your life to teach you a lesson. Be thankful, learn from the lessons, become someone stronger and then move on when you're ready. Good luck. Know that you're not alone and that each day will get easier. Keep it up at the gym and keep growing as an individual, you won't remember his name in a few months.

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It's important that you follow through with NC. Each day feels better and nothing is worse than reaching out and not getting the response you were hoping for (you will never get that response or else it would be them reaching out to you).

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Do you think one day he will reach out to me?

 

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Yes they usually do but never when you expect or want. By the time that happens you will be strong enough and a better person so you will realize that you don't deserve some one that will treat you this way. Most of the time life doesn't give us honest second chances when it comes to relationships just because timing is everything in a relationship and the innocence is lost the first time around.

 

This quote has helped me put things into perspective

"old relationships are convenient, and starting new relationships is difficult—it requires work. But so does anything worth holding on to."

 

Hope this helps.

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I've spent the last 3 months wondering if my ex will come back and he was not very nice to me for a long time. Break ups like this make you miss the person because you don't expect it and you were fully invested at the time. It's really a horrible thing to go through, I am in the same boat. You must look after yourself. It's hard.

 

What I wanted to say was that you should not focus on whether or not he'll come back. Focus on you and things that will make you come back to being you. If he comes back you don't really have any power over this so just get on with looking after you. Also, in time you will not want him back because of what he has done to you. That's some serious abandonment trauma he's given you considering you saying you had an upsetting relationship in the past.

 

Your ex also sounds insecure like mine in that he's mentioned you basically not being over your ex as a reason to break up with you when it sounds like you were really into this new recent ex. Mine said some things spitefully indicating another man would be better for me. He's right though but he said it in a way inferring that I was already involved with one or something like a crazy psycho.

 

Anyway! You will be ok, so will I. The beginning is very hard. I have lost so much weight, I couldn't eat for the first few weeks. And I have been completely obsessed with whether my ex will come back. I think the thing is when you start thinking/talking about it you go into panic/obsessive mode and can't get out of it. So the best thing to do is avoid doing so or else you will spiral into obsession like I have done. Listen to your head for a while. Your heart doesn't know what the hell is going on so you can't listen to it, it's injured. Think logically and put your safety of mind and body above everything. Because as much as you like this guy, he has not put you at the right level of respect and care that a good boyfriend should. They are pathetic men. You are a strong woman. You will rise again, they will only get lower.

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