Jump to content

Advise needed please !


LouJ44

Recommended Posts

I am new to this forum so please allow for my mistakes etc should I get things wrong.

 

I am a 38 yr old man single dad divorced with 4 children, two of which live with me (16 and 14 yr old ) in my home and the youngest two with my ex wife for whom I pay my dues and see most weekends , I work and am able to have a little flexibility so that I can support my children.

 

I have recently been seeing a woman who is 34 , she is divorced also with three teenage boys, I used to work with her but then she left and took another job, still in the area we started seeing one another and have been going steady now for 5 months.

 

we still have our own places and all the children seem to get on ok considering, we have a great sex life and she is very open about sex and likes experimenting which I find wonderful, however it has come to my attention of late that before I met her she lived with a woman after leaving her husband of 10 yrs for the woman in question, she apparently took the children with her aged 14, 12 and 8 and lived as lesbian lovers for a year before they split up, I have spoken with her about this and she admitted it and that she really loved this woman but she left for a younger prettier woman, this alone has made me think about things as you would expect as I have 3 girls all but one in their teens, do I really want her influence rubbing off on my girls and is she trust worthy if my girls are in a situation when they are bathing , trying on cloths etc ?

 

This is not all that has come back to me from close friends, I have been told that following her separation from her lesbian lover she slept around with alot of men and was known as being easy and available for unprotected sex if approached , even colleagues at my work have commented on her being a and easy not even knowing that I have been seeing her!, again I have sat and discussed this with her and she has admitted that she did sleep with quite alot of men all having unprotected sex with her and that she did contract clemidia but has received treatment for this now and all is clear, she also admitted when we spoke that she slept with more than one man at a time and enjoyed threesomes , foursomes and gang sex all unprotected but would only do that again with me if I wanted to try it !! I think she was telling me to gauge my responses in order to either turn me on or see if I was game to try it perhaps.....Either way I am not sure what or how to feel now.

 

I really like her , she is petite and attractive and very sexy and dresses in a way that attracts other mens attention so can I trust her being that she has clearly been very promiscuous, I am not sure what to think of her, I cant help but judge her at times and look at her as if she is a , but then I see her in a different light and find her extremely attractive and sexy , equally knowing what I know has also made me feel untrusting of her in general and also can she be trusted with my girls !!!

 

I would welcome your replies as sometimes a truthful response comes from those who are completely unconnected .

 

Many thanks

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The fact that she had had a lesbian relationship wouldn't worry me regarding your girls. I mean, think about it..if she had only been with men and you had teenage sons, would you worry that she might hit on them? If you think you'd still be worried, then, there's no trust between you two whatsoever.

Also, the fact that she's slept with many men and done wild things, wouldn't worry me on its own. Many people experiment and then they settle down.

BUT, what would worry me is

a/that she had had unprotected sex with multiple partners (that's not wild, it's just irresponsible)...are you sure she's STD free ? More importantly, are you sure she hasn't given you something???

b/that she said that if you wanted to try a 3some, 4some, whatever, she would be up for it. That shows that she's not really over that phase of her life..that it wasn't a phase at all.

 

Just because she's petite, attractive and sexy, doesn't mean she's a good partner. Personally, I would go get tested for STD's as soon as possible. And then break up and never look back.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thanks for your comments , as you have quite rightly suggested STD check was done some time ago now as I was concerned as anyone would be after hearing such things especially when she sat and admitted to it all and added a few extras at that time fore good measure ...I suppose you could argue in her defense that she has been open and hon est about it and got it all out in the open once and for all , My STD screening came back clear no issues thank goodness.

 

As for her comments regarding her experimenting with other men only in my presence or if I was involved , this subject came about whilst discussing everything in general and she seemed curious as to my responses at the time which I picked up on, I didn't really reply at that time, she has however whilst having sex suggested it again whispering things in my ear when she is in the trows of passion , suggestive things about what would happen, what she would do to the other men in front of me, what she would like them to do to her and the size of their manhood etc and although I understand that enjoying sexual fantasies is sometimes a good thing and can add spark to a relationship I am equally unsure of her intentions, is this role play? is she trying to tempt me ? or is this just a turn on for her , she is wild when in that state of mind and an extremely passionate lover with no limitations of which I have never experienced the like of before , very easy to say turn and walk away but when your feelings are involved its never black and white, never the less I asked for honest replies and I appreciate your response , so thank you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

She may be a hoot in the bedroom, but when it comes to more, her values and yours are not even in the same universe. In short, she is not relationship material to you although she is good for some fun. Also, please be sure you get tested regularly if you keep sleeping with her. If she hasn't given you something yet, she might later on. Having some wild times is one thing, being stupid about it is something else. Some STD's, like AIDS, have no cure and it doesn't sound like she stops to consider that before inviting everyone in so to speak. Also, it doesn't really seem like she is looking to settle into any kind of "normal" relationship with you - her appetites are different at the end of the day.

 

I guess my point is that if you want to carry on with her and have fun, by all means, but protect yourself. Wear a condom, get tested, etc. If you expect this woman to turn into a sock darning soccer mom who sets a good example for your daughters, you are barking up the wrong tree.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

And remember, it can take up to a year for an HIV test to come back positive. They say to wait at least 6 months from the last time u had unproteced sex to get tested, and generally, after 6 months, the test is reliable. But to be absolutely certain, 1 year is best. So if her last "fling" was a year ago, and u got tested 5 months ago, that would not be enough time for either of u to have reliable results.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...