3 Years...really loved him.. But broke up due to religion..

[kuma123]

I really loved him so much.. I still love him deeply.... I knew him for 6 years. He was my best friend in the whole world to me... I honestly feel like there won't be any other men who would accept me, truly for who I am like he did... He was with me during all my miserable times.. I was there for him too..

 

we had many problems in the past because our parents were extremely against us due to different culture and religion. It was a huge issue. We tried breaking up many times because of our parents pressuring, but we always came back for each other. He is Muslim and I an Christian. We both grew up in the same state, so we are pretty "westernized"... We really had no problem with our cultures because of this. We get along very very wel.

 

His parents started to accept me because they realized how I was a good girlfriend and he loved and treasured me so deeply..

On the other hand, my parents didn't accept him due to their ignorance. They even threatened to beat me up if I didn't break up... so I lied to my parents that I broke up with him.. And on the back of my head.. i knew I had to break up with him someday... Just someday. Maybe not today, but .. someday. Thats what we told each other.

 

I was young and living the moment.

 

Three years of amazing time with him. I never stopped thinking about him. Although we go to a different school and I moved, our hearts always longed for each other terribly...

I found myself loving him even deeply as I got older... I thought of marriage.. kids.. our future.. And it got me upset..

To make the long sob note short, having different religion means so many difficulties living together..

 

With the whole month of worrying and tears... I finally told him what had to be done.. I asked him if he converts, then we can stay... Of course he said no. I respect that..

 

Back then, I didnt care about religion because I wasn't religious at all, but as I grew older, my spirituality grew.

 

My boyfriend said he has no choice..So we broke up today. It's the worst feeling ever if you know he loves you too but you can't stay together.

 

I still told him we'll be best friends and he agreed......

...So .... what do I do now..? We still texted each other after.. but he said "I love you"...and how hiis heart aches. I also said I feel broken... Of course I still lve him back.. but I dont think its a good idea to cross the "best friend zone" line..

Or else we're just gonna be a couple with "just-friend" label....

 

.. So can someone give me advice of what I should do with our...."best friend" relationship now..?

What do I do with the pictures of us.. How about the beautiful gifts he gave me....

 

Can someone give me some words of advice and comfort.. I'm taking this pretty badly, but I'm... accepting what happened.

 

If this kind of situation happened to you, please share. I'd very appreciate it.

 

Thank you. I apologize for the grammar errors.

[Moontiger]

If you want to get over him you have to go NC.

 

How old are you? If you want to be happy in life you have to stop letting other people control how you live. This reminds me of the author Reza Aslan, he is a muslim married to a christian, they have children, the families get along etc.

[SapphireNoir10]

If you really wanted to be with him you would be and you wouldn't let your religion getting in the way. You would get past those difficulties. Many couples do.

 

I may be being ignorant but other than that the only way to heal and get over him is to go no contact.

 

I know several couples from VERY different faiths who make it work, but I understand it must be very difficult when you have completely different belief systems.

[kuma123]

I know what you mean.. and that's what I've been telling myself for a long time... But it really is complicated. I thought about this through. As pessimistic as it sounds, it's not gonna work out on the long run.

 

but yes, I do think NC is the best option at this moment.

[kuma123]

I am 20 years old. I've known him since I was 15.

Honestly, It had to be done. It wasn't fair for him because I am also chaining him when he could be finding someone else..

Sure, we love each other terribly. But if we know that we are not going to stay forever on the long run, then it is not good to prolong it even more. Because then, we are just waiting for our nasty fate to rip us apart to shreds at the end.. I'm sure if we stay even longer, even past my young adulthood, then it's going to be more painful than it is right now.

 

Back when we were in high school, I didn't think about the future much and told myself.."lemme live the moment.. lemme enjoy being a teenager" and agreed to go out with him. But now that we are older, I know that some things cannot be avoided like we were able to when we were young... Maybe it is a sign of maturity for me.

 

Both of us knew we had to leave someday.. I was just the first one to bring it up..

[Mari]

Is it possible for you to switch to his religion? I think he's allowed to marry you as long as the kids are the same religion as him, even if you don't convert. What don't you see working out with him?

[kuma123]

Actually... I did ask him if he was willing to because one of my friend suggested it.. But of course he said he couldnt do that, and I completely understood. Due to his belief, he didn't agree with the christian practices.

[Mari]

I meant you. Would it be possible for you to convert to Islam? The religions aren't substantially different. There are many Christians that see the "Father" as a god and the "Son" as not a god. Beyond that it's the same fasting and praying. Islam recognizes Christianity as valid religion so he's allowed to marry you even if you don't convert. But the kids would have to be raised muslim. So the two points are:

 

1) Could you try for Islam? It'd be better to make this relationship work then just throwing it away.

2) If you don't try Islam, can you stay Christian and allow the kids, if you plan on having them, to be Muslim?

 

Either of those and you have a valid marriage. If you're only 20, you'll care less about what your parents think once you're on your own. Then it'll be just about getting a good guy and you may regret on passing this one up then.

[kuma123]

Thank you very much for your reply.

Yes, I already know because I have discussed this with him in the past.

I actually want my children to be raised as Christians.

Despite how much I love this man, I can't change what I have faith in. It was actually silly of me to ask him if he can change his religion.

Now I'm telling myself "What was I thinking. Did I really had hope that he would comply?"

Islam and Christianity do have many similarities like you mentioned but the differences are quite significant. (e.g Christians believe in the Trinity, but Muslims don't). I actually believe in the Trinity.

[kuma123]

An also... I think it was for the best..

I remember how he was upset when I was always concentrated in studying and not him. I've always been busy since college and made him even more upset. So he would turn to his other friends.

 

The fact that he makes friends easily and has many lovable features kind of relieves me, surprisingly..

At this point, I dont care about myself that much.. All i wish right now is for him to be happy and find someone who will treat him with all her love.

He has many sweet female friends around him anyway.. If he were to find someone, I'd be happy for him.

I really think its a sign of maturity and maybe even proof of how much I love this guy.

 

I don't regret that I had this relationship. Sure, there were really bad times, but we had so many more beautiful memories together.