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Red flag of not???


jennylove

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Receny had a 3rd date with a very nice guy that i met without trying at a meetup group. He is soooo nice. Almost too nice, if u know what i mean. I keep telling myself that THIS is how i deserve to be treated and this is what ive been missing out on my whole dating life. My ex's all showed signs of being douchbags by this point, so its definetely a nice change, even if it isnt as exciting and dramatic in comparassion to my other rships. I like him and i do see potenti for ltr. But last night, he casually asked me how long my longest relationship lasted. I told him almost 4 years. I then asked him about the length of his longest rship. I was taken back a bit when he said, " less than a year". He's 39. Is this a red flag??? I have a feeling, just a feeling, that its because he is so gentle, sweet. He is very diff than men today and this may be the reason for his lack of dating experience. I also suspect that he may be a virgin. I dont know why any of this would be a red flag, but im asking because sometimes i dont trust my judgement in men.

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Yeah, you will have to get to know him for awhile before you can get a good sense of why his relationships have not lasted, and whether you two are compatible. He does sound nice, a real plus!

 

It could be he went for "exciting" women who grew tired of the Nice Guy. It could be he's needy, and being nice is a form of being passive and not leading or asserting who he is.

 

Have fun getting to know him. I don't see any harm at this point.

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I can understand how those things could definitely be red flags. But it could be that he just has a hard time finding someone to match his lifestyle. I wouldn't think too much into it. But keep an eye on his mannerisms, maybe he has a few walls you have yet to hit. When it's appropriate ask him about his dating past, or ask what he looks for in a woman. Try to get more information without being too obvious. You may find a reason as to why he's still single, maybe you won't. Maybe he's been single all this time because eventually you two were meant to be together. You just never know.

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I dunno, we shall see. Loving his manners. He opens my doors, pulls out my chairs, buys me flowers, insists on paying for everything! Ahhh. But what i like the most is that i dont sense a drop of 'player' or 'cheater" in his character. I should also add that his parents just celebrated 43 years together and he has 4 siblings - all women.

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I know msdarcy. Im chilling, but im also pretty excited. Never in a million years did i imagine dating again, nevermind dating soneobe so dang nice. Its so cool. I was getting ready to buy a couple of cats. Seriously!!

 

Don't put all of your energy and excitement in this guy though. He might be a nice guy but he is only one guy. If things don't work out with him, don't be prepared to blame it on his lack of ltrs at his age or be prepared to write off men entirely!

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I don't pay any attention to how long someone's longest relationship has been...except if he tells me he's never had a relationship...that would be strange, yes.

But, you know, someone could have been married or he could have had 10 long term relationships and still treated all those women awfully. I've met many guys like that.

Keep dating this guy and keep an open mind. Also, find out if he's a virgin.

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I. But what i like the most is that i dont sense a drop of 'player' or 'cheater" in his character. I should also add that his parents just celebrated 43 years together and he has 4 siblings - all women.

 

I think that's a good sign. People often follow the pattern of their parents' marriage. And having 4 sisters, assuming he gets along with them, is a good influence too.

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The length of his longest relationship is a bit worrisome, but like everybody before me said, you should make note of it and get to know him further, I'm sure sooner or later you'll figure out what the reason for this was.

However if he turns out to be a virgin at 39, that would be a huge red flag. Even extremely shy guys have at least one opportunity in life to have sex with someone by the time they are almost 40, same goes for extra nice guys, etc. And this guy has been in a "less than a year" relationship, which I take to mean 6+ months. People will have sex in 6 months or more, unless something was really wrong.

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The length of his longest relationship is a bit worrisome, but like everybody before me said, you should make note of it and get to know him further, I'm sure sooner or later you'll figure out what the reason for this was.

However if he turns out to be a virgin at 39, that would be a huge red flag. Even extremely shy guys have at least one opportunity in life to have sex with someone by the time they are almost 40, same goes for extra nice guys, etc. And this guy has been in a "less than a year" relationship, which I take to mean 6+ months. People will have sex in 6 months or more, unless something was really wrong.

 

Or if they're saving themselves for marriage? That does still exist. Maybe he's a Christian? If he even is a virgin.

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I gently asked some probing questions about past relationships, etc. And he asked me stuff as well. Turns out, he is a Catholic and believes in waiting a long time before having sex. He said his exgf's couldnt wait that long and would dump him. and that is why he hasnt had a ltr in his life. Makes sense to me. I told him that im not a virgin, but im getting back into catholisism as a personal choice and desire, and that im fine with waiting.

 

I enjoy sex, but im in this for the companionship first and foremost. I've also been thru alot of crap this year and my sex drive is low anyhow. Im cool with waiting. Its only sex.

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