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just got an email from my ex. i know what to do but the message is odd.


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so if you've been following my story, things after the BU got messy.

 

the last i heard from my ex she basically said "f-u" to me for saying that she wasn't committed to me

 

she even got a temporary restraining order on me 2 weekends ago.

 

i haven't reached out to her at all in a few weeks. in fact, i have blocked her from everything. she was even sh*t talking about me on her FB profile. I saw it before I blocked her.

 

so, just now i got an email from her that said:

 

"can we have peace"

 

that's all it said.

 

i'm the one who always was calm and never said anything bad about her in public. i always was very diplomatic in my emails to her, even when she was so angry with her responses. i always wished her well and said i hope she is happy.

 

i find it ironic that she is asking me if we can have peace when i am the one who always wanted to be civil to her. in fact, in that last anger ridden email she sent, she said we could "never be civil".

 

i don't get this email at all.

 

i am not going to respond. yes, i know i just posted about missing my ex but this email is a bit ridiculous if you ask me. i am actually kind of annoyed that she would actually ask me if we could have peace when i am the one that wanted that all along. she perpetuated her anger and resentment on me and blamed me for everything.

 

any thoughts on this?

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There could be any number of reasons. Maybe she feels bad about how things ended. I wouldn't read into it at all.

 

I think you should continue to move forward. You've blocked her on almost everything it seems. Maybe you should finish it off. I believe it's Sharky who always says "if they have anything important to say, they'll find a way."

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How did she manage to e-mail you after you blocked her from everything? If you've decided to move on, there would be no point in engaging in any form of communication.

 

i didn't filter her email from my email account. i am going to filter her email now.

 

yeah, i feel strong enough not to respond. in fact, i am a little angry and offended that she had the nerve to ask me if we can have peace.

 

There could be any number of reasons. Maybe she feels bad about how things ended. I wouldn't read into it at all.

 

I think you should continue to move forward. You've blocked her on almost everything it seems. Maybe you should finish it off. I believe it's Sharky who always says "if they have anything important to say, they'll find a way."

 

thanks. i'm going to filter her email to go to the trash right now.

 

i highly doubt she feels bad. i think she just wants my attention. that book i read about narcissistic lovers said that they will come back around seeking attention when they aren't getting any from other sources.

 

again, she blamed me for everything and always felt she did nothing wrong.

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Ugh, her ugly outbursts havent provoked attention from you, so now she is offering the olive branch to get attention. Dont do it... I would put money on her continuing her tantrums once she has your attention again.

 

yep, i feel the same way. i'm not going to respond. i know what will happen, things will go right back to the way they were, like you said.

 

you know what? i just posted about missing my ex, but this email is making me mad and as of right this moment, i don't miss my ex. maybe this is a sign that i needed to move on.

 

oh, right after she sent that email, she sent me an invite to google chat/hangouts. what the...?

 

i deleted that invite right away.

 

she is ridiculous.

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Yeh i guess not replying would be the best way overall, but just an amusing thought, in case that you know that its over for sure if you actually reply to her and say something along

the lines of: " Lets have peace, but please do not contact me ever again, i am seeing somebody else", and then after you dont reply to her anymore. This comment might shake her up a bit... just entertaining an idea...

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I wouldn't respond. Given her behavior she may be trying to lure you into something or even if she's sincere if you say or do something she doesn't like will she come back at you and try to claim you violated the restraining order? Sorry, no. I would say don't respond, but maybe keep a copy of the email so if she tries to complain that you've been contacting her you have proof it's the other way around.

 

Frankly she sounds a bit mental and although she may feel contrite it still doesn't erase the fact that she did something that makes you look bad to the courts and puts a mark against your name. This isn't someone you want to be in contact with, so I would let it go. She has no way of knowing you got the email and you don't really owe her anything at this point, but silence anyways. Sorry that happened to you, it sounds really stressful.

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Actually, since she put you on a temporary restraining order, I would keep that email and any other emails she sends in the future. Just create a separate folder for her in your email account and have it filter to go there.

 

I am suggesting this because she is clearly not above causing legal trouble for you and to protect yourself, you should be keeping a paper trail of all her contact towards you.

 

But I also agree with others. I would not respond to someone who has put a restraining order on me. Keep it moving!

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After all the drama... the mental torture endured... then you beginning the slow progress to recovery via non-communication and talking on here instead of trying to talk to her...

 

She sends "Can we have peace?" ? ??!!???! Sorry, but I am experiencing a little bit of anger towards your ex right now. I am trying to maintain an objective frame of mind, but it is HARD... grrrr.

 

Can WE have peace.

WE was included because it joins two people together with words. Spoken,texting, in an email.

 

YOU are doing your best to reach peace by yourself. Continue on this path. After messy break ups there is no "we".

 

SHE means "I". Can I have peace now.

SHE is seeking some form of validation or relief of guilt. SHE has no right to seek this from you!!! No effing way! HER troubles, validation, and guilt are for HER to carry or deal with however she chooses.

 

Sorry again. Anger is due to my own personal experience of being used to further someone elses recovery.

 

Silence is golden Deejay. Redirect that email address to trash.

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Ok, so, I wrote a review of that book about Narcissistic Lovers on link removed - I didn't leave a review using my real name. Mistakenly i used a "pen name" that was a nickname my ex called me. somehow she found this review and posted a comment. She said "Silky, this sounds more like you than me. Stop hurting me. I just want a normal life again. Now I'm ready to die." The review never mentioned my ex by name. i used no proper names and whenever I referred to my ex, i said just that, "my ex".

 

Then her batsh*t crazy mother replied too, but hers was much longer and she was spewing so much hatred towards me. She threatened me by saying "The next step is a long-term order of protection and jail" amongst the other crap she said.

 

I since then removed the review but i took screenshots of their comments. I called the police department in their area and I think I am going to file a temporary harassment restraining order against her mother.

 

this is unreal.

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I would suggest - change your Amazon and other passwords, asap.

 

That's the only way I can think of that your review would have come to her attention so easily. And she's basically stalking your activities at this point, taking everything as being centered around her, and involving... her mother? Who is willingly participating?

 

Good for you taking screenies and seeing about getting a TRO.

 

But yeah, I'd go through EVERYTHING that uses any common or known passwords - email, facebook, twitter, amazon, netflix etc, this site, any other forums or boards you might visit, any gaming sites. It sounds like she's signing into some of your accounts, and monitoring your activity - and I find that kind of creepy and scary with her hot/cold and irrational behavior.

 

thanks. i'm going to filter her email to go to the trash right now.

 

Actually, I'd filter it to go to a separate folder, but not trash if she has a TRO on you. It will give you a paper trail to show her repeated attempts to contact YOU - and if you don't open the mails, your restraint. You may need it if this spirals out of control.

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So, I did a dumb move and I responded to her "Can we have peace" email yesterday.

 

The reason why I did it was I was curious to see what would happen. And wouldn't you know it, it ended just as I thought. There were a few back and forth

emails and when I called her out on her BS, her last email said for me not to respond or else she will get the police involved. This happens every time. She baited me and I fell for it.

 

Yeah, stupid move on my part. Like, really stupid. I know. Sometimes my curiosity gets the best of me.

 

But, I am not upset, I am angry. I really do not get why she even bothered to send me any emails at all. To top it off, she sent me a google hangouts invite, and sent me an email to my gmail account to see if i blocked her. On monday, I did unblock her from gtalk and i saw her signed in, which meant she unblocked me. I never sent her a chat. Later on, she reblocked me. And then, I respond to one of her emails from Sunday and as I said, it ended with her threatening another restraining order.

 

I just want her out of my life and out of my head at this point. She pretends to be the victim.

 

I'm almost at the point of hating her. I used to think she was so beautiful, but not anymore.

 

Anyway, I hope I never hear from her again.

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I agree. She was enjoying you wanting her. Some people just love that kind of attention.

 

well, i learned a lesson, i hope.

 

one thing that i've learned about myself is that i am codependent. i'm trying to overcome this and i think part of my codependency was to take the bait, even though i knew what would happen (in addition to my curiosity).

 

i'm just mad at myself too.

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Dj, you need to take the legal side of this seriously. Dont think there wont be repercussions. Protect yourself. Do not engage and save copies of all communication.

 

i am. i just can't believe all of this was a bait just so she can threaten me again. I am keeping all emails. that's the only way we can communicate as we blocked each others numbers and social media.

 

i've never been threatened like that in my life, nor have i ever been issued a restraining order of any kind. it's like she's projecting her craziness on me.

 

the sad thing is, i called the police station that's near her and the cop i spoke to admitted it's pretty easy to get a EPO (emergency protective order). all you really need to do is convince the magistrate and she said if you have a witness to corroborate the story, it's even easier.

 

to get a permanent one requires more work. one has to go to court and convince the judge.

 

either way, i am protecting myself. it's unreal how this unfolded. and my ex called ME scary in her last threatening email.

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The reason why I did it was I was curious to see what would happen. And wouldn't you know it, it ended just as I thought. There were a few back and forth

emails and when I called her out on her BS, her last email said for me not to respond or else she will get the police involved. This happens every time. She baited me and I fell for it.

 

Yeah, stupid move on my part. Like, really stupid. I know. Sometimes my curiosity gets the best of me.

 

She got what she wanted …. attention, drama, and control. Her reactions were rather predictable. If she contacts you again you know to ignore it.

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She got what she wanted …. attention, drama, and control. Her reactions were rather predictable. If she contacts you again you know to ignore it.

 

i'm a very logical person and i try to make sense about mostly everything. i'm more of a black/white type and i have trouble with grey areas.

 

that being said, why does she do this? i'm sure she doesn't want me back but why bother playing these stupid games and threatening getting police involved?

 

i read a book on narcissistic lovers and my ex fits the bill, but of course i can't officially diagnose her, and the book mentions something like this. it said, when they discard their partner, they come back looking for some attention. if that's the case, i thought it would be the kind where they want to reestablish communications or something. i guess any attention is what they're seeking?

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why does she do this? i'm sure she doesn't want me back but why bother playing these stupid games and threatening getting police involved?

 

Some people feed off drama. It is even better when they are the ones in the centre of that drama. Either that or they are just attention-seeking and even negative attention is attention.

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If I had to guess, I'd say she's got control issues -- the need to control others -- and that's what she's doing to you even though you're not together anymore.

 

Do not EVER contact her again. I know you say you won't, but...you said that before, and you did. No matter how nice her e-mails sound, even if, someday, she sends an apology -- do NOT engage with her.

 

That said, I'm shocked at how easy it is to get a restraining order. I can understand if one makes threats to another's safety (i.e. "I'm going to hurt you," or "I just might show up at your house one night when you're alone and pay you a visit"), but...a restraining order just because the person contacted you a few times more than you wanted them to? Good lord! I could get restraining orders on all sorts of people who have inundated me with unwanted contact, including an ex from a long time ago who e-mailed me regularly for a year asking to see me even though I had repeatedly declined. Yes, it was annoying, but...hardly worthy of police involvement.

 

I think your ex needs to grow up. She's a grade-A drama queen.

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Yeah, I know I have problems with self control. However, I really, really don't want a criminal record and I do believe my ex is serious about going to the police if I send her an any correspondence.

 

I think that with this last episode, I have moved on even further from her. I'm quite angry and she doesn't look as good to me as she used to. I'm feeling somewhat sorry for her because I think she's really unhappy. So, I think now I have the strength to not respond *IF* she ever reaches out to me again. Somehow I doubt she will.

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